My Daddy Is A Rockstar

Well not my Dad but my son's dad sure is. I know for sure because his t-shirt says so. According to his pajamas he is also "My Rookie of the Year" and his other pair say he's cuteness came from his Mommy.

I have to say that besides being absolutely true (yes, he is cute and may be a rookie of the year in his chosen profession one day), it sure does make his parents feel good about themselves. And that right there is the hook.

It seems that designers of infant and toddler clothes have figured out how to tap into our subconciousness to get us to spend even more then we already do to not only make sure our kids are in style but also so that the world knows how good looking we are or that my music prowess is second to none.

If you don't believe me just go to a store like Gymboree. They have shirts that I can purchase for my kid that says that "My Daddy is the Coolest". It says nothing about my offspring but it does make me feel better about myself and anybody that sees us together will know that Fonzy has nothing on me.

But think about it another way, would you ever go into the Gap or Old Navy and buy a shirt for yourself that says, "I'm the Coolest" or "I'm a Rockstar"?  Excluding the douche-waffles who spend their days trying to figure out the perfect angle to tilt their hat that just answered "yes", most of you who self-identify as SANE would never even think of purchasing an item like that unless it was part of a Halloween costume.

So because we have to appear to society as normal, we impart our desire for complements onto our children's garments. Ok fine, I can live with that...even if it flies in the face of my previous criticism of athletes not wearing our face on their t-shirts. Lets take it a step farther. How about if in the next Presidential election the candidates have to wear ties that have their slogans printed across them?  Romney would have worn one that said, "White and Proud"...I mean "White and The Other Guy Isn't".  Did I just say that....oh well.

Getting back to the topic, how long can we keep exploiting our children to stoke our own egos? At what age do either they start reading and understand they are nothing more then a walking billboard for their parent's looks/sports ability/coolness factor or do clothing manufacturers have market research showing that kids just rebel from wearing anything emblazoned with "Dad Must Work for UPS because he has a Huge Package"? (BTW: the UPS truck just pulled up to my house!!)

Unfortunately I don't have an answer to that question but what I do have is an excellent test subject whom my wife and I may good money to feed, put a roof over his head, and of course clothe. To that end I am currently accepting proposals from clothing companies to test these theories. Please submit your proposal to provide shirts/pants/hats/etc for my child complete with slogans telling the world how cool/awesome/good looking we are for the next ten years by the end of this year. Starting January 1st, they will be evaluated by a panel of experts (Mrs. Bloggerman and Myself) and the winning company will be contacted regarding the awarded contract.

Eating Out the White House's Cherry

Thanks Dave for having a birthday. If it weren't for you, I would not have had the opportunity to break from my diet (almost below 160 lbs) and I certainly would not have had the opportunity to still be tasting the great Urban BBQ's "soul rolls" some three days later. Above all I would not have had the chance to go over to Gifford's Ice Cream and "eat out the white house."

Perhaps it was a poor decision but six of us took down "The White House," six different, very large scoops (chocolate, chocolate malted, cookie dough, mint chip, banana, and strawberry sorbet) plus four toppings (strawberry, hot fudge, butterscotch, and chocolate sprinkles). Oh yeah, don't forget the whipped cream and the aforementioned cherries.

While it was very good I wouldn't be doing you a service if I didn't find something to complain about. As my sister-in-law said the other day, this is called "Darryl-ing" Back to my complaint. If you are going to call you very large sundae "The White House" then it better damn well come looking political. This one was only disguised as a previously empty 1/2 gallon ice cream container that you might find in the freezer of your local supermarket. At least it was white, but come on, can't we get a vessel that looks like the White House (with the roof removed)? They can't sere more then two or three of these a day, so why not get a great serving dish? You do however get a crappy t-shirt.

Dave, Happy Birthday-enjoy your shirt!

Holiday Themes Continue: Part 2: "New Holiday Slogan"

So every year at about this time, those of us who are G-d's chosen people are forced to look at nothing but X-mass decorations, Santa and his gassy reindeer, and hear people ringing bells and yelling "Merry X-mass" at us in front of grocery stores and while trying to "Us" them down over at our neighborhood Walmart.

But the one thing we don't have is our own slogan to yell at people (the ringing of bells is optional...but I prefer an airhorn). That is until now. Yours truly has developed what I think is not only a very seasonable greeting but a damn funny one if I do say so myself (and I do say so!):

Hag Samach!
Now Go Away!

Roughly translated "Hag Samach" is "Happy Holiday". I think this could be THE catch phrase of the next generation and we can all wish our "Non-Chosen" brethren with this simple word play. In fact I believe in it so much, I'm getting a T-shirt printed with the slogan.


Do you like? E-mail me and I'll add you to the order. We can get a discount if we order in bulk....way to "Us" them down!