I Need To Post Something

It has been 6 months and none of my pre-unemployment predictions have come true. I haven't gotten a job yet (as if you had to ask if that was number 1), I haven't grown my beard out yet (although I've tried a few times), and I haven't kept up on posting to this absolute black hole of space on the interwebs.

I've been doing everything possible to get that first one checked off as it's kind of the reason I'm in this position in the first place. I might have to take a few months and move up to Williston, North Dakota where even WalMart employees are making big bucks. $17 an hour if you care to know. Of course you're living in an oil boom town in the northern most part of the shitiest state in the union. (Mississippi you're now number 2!)  but why dwell on the upside now. I've also tried to grow that beard out several times but keep getting called in to these pesky job interviews where evidently large, random patches of facial hair are frowned upon. Add to that Mrs. Bloggerman always seems to think that I look stupid and I'm constantly shaving.

So that only leaves posting material here. Of course that has slacked off too and the only reason I can come up with is that I don't have a job to complain about nor a beard to give others something to complain about. Thankfully for you my dear readers (all 3 of you) today, something wonderful dropped in my lap today. Lucky You.

The first is that my favorite high school football team, the New York Jets managed to blow another game. Monday Night Football early in the season or if your team is in contention late in the season is an exciting, must see moment. However when your team couldn't beat a team composed of 65 year old lepers it's not quite as exciting. But I'm a trooper and stuck it out for as long as I could. I made it into the third quarter until I couldn't take it any more and just closed my eyes. Fortunately it appears that Mark Sanchez did the same thing. Ok the season is over and I still "have to" root for two more games.

Fortunately for me, my other team "The California Bulls" (yes...those Bulls) are in the Superbowl. Well not the actual Superbowl but rather the fantasy Superbowl created by idiots who can barely run their own lives. I'll update you next Tuesday if I'm the raining champion of absolutely nothing.

Shucking for God

I guess it's better then "Sucking for Luck" so in that regard I'm supporting Mike Martin of Panama Bay, Florida as my designated "Nobody Likes a Jerk Oyster Shucker of The Year".

Martin successfully defended his title of Top US Oyster Shucker for the 3rd year in a row on Sunday in St. Mary's County, MD.  What you didn't know there was a top oyster shucker award? Don't worry you're not alone.

Martin beat out a full field including the first ever woman to appear in the finals for the title. But this is the catch, in his acceptance speech, he actually said, "I just had God behind me, I guess, the last three years...".

WOW...G-d was behind you in this venture? So the Ruler of all Creation, Lord of Everything He Sees, Creator of the World took time out of his busy Sunday schedule of helping wide receivers, quaterbacks, and sometimes even a kicker win football games (because of course their skill, ability, and all the time and dedication of their support staff had nothing do to with it what-so-ever), to help you win an oyster shucking contest in Maryland.

Which of course leads me to the point of why was the "National Title" decided in Maryland. When you think of oysters, cities like New Orleans, New York, and even Boston come to mind. Heck, I'd even be OK with Baltimore. But St. Mary's county? Really?  Really?

I'll let my general level of disdain settle down a bit for the choice of location to crown a champion and go back to his general remarks about help from a divine presence. If G-d can help you win the Oyster Shucking Title how come he's not helping prevent bloodshed in Syria?  Why isn't he helping heal this country of it's bigotry and intolerance by allowing all people to have a voice and understanding attitudes toward others?  Why wasn't he helping Stephen Hill catch that ball as time was winding down in the fourth quarter yesterday? 

Oh yes, because he was helping you win some meaningless title. So I will blame you for the fact the Jets couldn't put away the game in the final minutes...way to go Mike!

But seriously....you didn't have G-d on your side. You had a shucking knife, no major career advancements, and lots if time to practice. No amount of your religious faith came into the equation. If you think it did, how do you explain your opponent finishing 14 seconds after you? Did she not have a higher power looking over her? Was she Jewish (which would have been ironic, what with the Keshruit laws and shellfish).

Why do you think that a high power is at play at something so completely skill based as shucking oysters. I don't remember hearing the Dishwasher of the Year thank Jesus for helping her.  Just stick to shucking.