Things I Observed At The Ballpark

This weekend my Mets cam to town (limping, of course) and I had the great
fortune to marry a Mets fan who insisted that we sojourn down to Nationals
Park to take in all three games (twist my arm why don't you). Of course a
great time was had by all, except for the dog who had to stay home, but
since we haven't been to the park since last year, I had the opportunity
to "notice" a few things:

Screech Lost Weight and his Tail
How does a mascot shed ten pant sizes, loose his tail, and get a whole new
attitude all in one off-season? Well when you play for a team who is just
awful (and that's being kind) and clearly nobody is going to the games you
have to entertain the fans somehow. Enter the new and improved Screech
who, according to a team press release, has "matured" into a hip teenager.
Oh boy, the bird now bumps and grinds with attractive co-eds in the
centerfield bar, runs with the Presidents and is generally more energetic.
I really don't have a problem with this but it might have been nice to see
a subtle transition over the teams first five years in DC.
OLD SCREECH
NEW SCREECH
Sit Down. You're Not Getting That Ball.
What the hell is wrong with you?! You're like 30 or 35 and you're screaming for a ball/t-shirt/other cheep promo item meant for the kids, really??? Sit the hell down and cough up
$7.50 for a Coors Light. On second thought, cut back on the beer and just buy a ball or t-shirt. The players flip the ball into the stands so that the kids can have them. Sure you are both highly likely to sell it on EBay as soon as you get home, but that's another story. This edict of sit the
hell down also goes for those of you in the upper decks who have no chance in getting the item. They're not going to reach you so just get over it!

No replays-umpire union
Ever go to the ballgame, see a great "bang-bang" play in the field and wait
on the play to be reshown on the jumbotran? Keep waiting there Kimosabe,
because the umpires say you'll never see them, at least for the time
being. See the Umpires Union insisted that their members calls in the
field not be questioned. If he says your out, well you are out. That
means no replay on the centerfield big screen, no possible way for those of
us not watching on TV have no way of knowing what really happened out
there. Thanks a lot for giving us yet another reason to hate the boys in
blue.