Under the Title of Things You Can’t Possibly Make Up

The “Senior Spelling Bee”. Nope that’s not seniors in high school but real life, honest to G-d, senior citizens (or at least those aged 50+). It seems that shuffle board, canasta, and arts and crafts aren’t enough to keep our elderly friends busy these days. The folks at the Association for the Advancement of Retired People, better known as AARP, has rounded up the country’s best (and oldest) spellers and bussed them up to Cheyenne, Wyoming (where it’s always an early bird special) to battle it out denture to denture until a winner can be declared.

Your champion speller (or at least the guy who stayed awake the longest) is a local to the Nations Capitol, Michael Petrina Jr., 64, of Arlington, Virginia. According to the AARP press release, “ Petrina won the championship by correctly spelling “woad” and out-spelled 45 other spellers from more than 25 states who competed in the record-breaking Bee that lasted 46 rounds.” (30 of which were the final rounds between Petrina and second place finisher Scott Firebaugh, 55, of Knoxville, Tennessee.)

Well done Mr. Petrina, you’ve earned $500, a trip to New York (to appear on TV) and a life time supply of sugar packets from Denny’s.

Let’s hear it for our senior spellers....(insert applause here)...wait what were we talking about?

Seriously though, I think that all the contestants should be congratulated. Winning a spelling bee at any age is a tremendous accomplishment and I should know. I have personal experience in the heartbreak of not winning one, when I was in the fourth grade, I was eliminated early on (in the first) round with a misspelling of our. Go figure! (for the record I spelled it h-o-u-r).

And while this is a great accomplishment perhaps the seniors can next flex their mind muscles by doing other things, for example, they could come in and tidy up my office desk, or maybe the can visit Al Rava over there in San Diego and deliver a little message for me, or even better, they could take the dog out for a walk. This is senior living at it’s best folks. You either love it or you live it.

Alfred G. Rava, You’re a Douchewaffle

Here I was thinking that I was the slime of the earth. After all I’d step over an homeless invalid if there was only one free sample left at Whole Foods. But Al Rava takes the cake. This wart on a sick elephants ass is suing the Oakland Athletics because he didn’t get a free promo item when he went to the ball park last month.

I think we’ve all be there, at one point or another, we’ve all gone to a game (or other event) where a promotional item was handed out to the first (insert amount here) guests. When you got there after they were out of stock, you may have been a little upset but you got over it and continued on with your event visit. But Mr. Rava was not having that. He was really pissed that he didn’t get his promo item when he went to the ball game in Oakland on May 8, 2004.

Hey Blogerman, wasn’t that Mothers Day 2004?

Yes, young reader it was.

But why would this guy want a Mother’s Day Promotion?

Well, Mr. Rava was really digging all the women (first 7,500) who were sporting their free floppy, plaid sun-hats. He must have thought it would go great with his fishnet stockings and leather gloves. Rava claims it was a fishing hat.

Look this whole thing is making me ill just thinking about it. Bottom line is Rick Riley said it much better in today’s column (Thanks to my Former Mistress for the link)

This guy is even lower then Roy Pearson, Jr. (the former DC lawyer who sued a dry cleaner for $54 million over his lost pants), and based on the fact that truly, NOBODY LIKES A JERK, we here at NBLAJ request your assistance in making sure this guy get’s his comeuppance.

Please take the time to contact the following agencies and complain about his actions:

Do in the nice way, contact the California Bar Association: 1-800-843-9053 (toll free in California) or 213-765-1200 (from outside California). You can also fill out their online complaint form.

Or you can do it in the Bloggerman way: call his offices, e-mail him, spam him, and overall make his professional life a living hell. He is scum, and should be disbarred immediately.

The Rava Law Firm

3667 Voltaire St

San Diego, CA 92106

Phone Number (619) 238-1993

Fax Number (619) 374-7288

e-mail : alrava@cox.net


This has been another public service announcement brought to you by the letters “F” and “U” (funny how they are all brought to you by those same letters)