Good Karma Boomerang

Today's rant was supposed to be all about our new microwave but in light of today's events I think a change is in order.

Karma is a cool thing when it works in your favor. I will never be confused with a saint,so when I do some good I may need to bank it for later. Lord knows I'll call on those reserves more than I'd like to.

Today was not a withdrawal or a deposit though. Today we more of a dividend or interest payment.
This morning I got off the train near my office and stopped by the grocery store (Harris Teeter, the official work grocery store of Nobody Likes A Jerk). As I went to check out I realized my club card (and my government ID card it was attached to) were missing. So here I am having to pay an extra 20 cents on my yogurt and having to set talk my way into my office, all before my first cup of coffee!

On my way in I texted Mrs. Bloggerman and she said she didn't see it laying around the house. Crap. Hopefully its in my car. If it's on the train I'll never see it again.

On I went with my day and then at about 11am I got an email from somebody at another government agency in town saying that he found my badge on his train seat and he wanted to get it back to me. Are you kidding me?  How lucky is that? It reminds me of finding Jordan's cell phone (last year about this time)...another story about a fellow human (me) going out of my way to do the right thing.

This guy, Brian (pictured...next to me of course!), and I met this afternoon during lunch near his office. He handed back the ID, thumb drive, and Harris Teeter savings card and I handed him a bright orange water bottle I had laying around the office. Sounds like a fair trade to me.

My Trip to Deliverance

When you hear those banjos strumming in battle formation as Burt Reynolds, Jon Voight, and Ned Betty (actually also Ronny Cox but nobody remembers him anyway) go a paddalin' down the river you might get the idea that folks in Georgia might be a little backwards. Heck, you might even get that idea watching Roscoe and Enos chase down them Duke Boys. Well I'm here to tell you that even 80's pop culture rings true today. But more on that later.

We'll start with Metro's bright idea to close the airport stop over Labor Day weekend for maintenance. I understand the urgency to get things done but somebody in the common sense department needs to approve these things first. Due to that poor planning I left the house at 6am on Friday morning in the attempt to board an 8pm flight. When I got to the economy lot, it was just as crowded as I thought and by 10am there were less then 100 spaces left. Parking space, check then off to work.

Once me and the Misses met back up at DCA that night we were all set to start our adventure toward the north Georgia mountains. At the gate we learned that the flight was over sold and they wanted "volunteers" to give up their seats. Since we didn't have to meet up at the cabin until the next morning, we offered. Delta was giving $600 in credit plus a first class seat on the 6am flight on Saturday. We were all set and even began planning what to do with all that credit when they informed us they would only need one person. After a little debate we decided not to split up and hopped on board.

George Carlin did a bit about garbage you deal with on board an airplane, most notably the announcements. His thoughts still ring true today when Captain Scott (or Steve... I don't remember which) told us how great it was that it took less then the normal 24 minutes to push off the gate. Yippy! I started to applaud because it was the only logical thing I could think of. My travel companion was not pleased.

After landing we found the only cab driver in North America who a) didn't know where East Atlanta is and b) didn't have a GPS to show him. But we finally made it to Dave and Stacey's, raided their fridge, and even got in the front 9 on Tiger Woods '10.

Nothing like a two-hour drive at 6am to get the blood flowing and nothing like taking a pit stop at a rural GA gas station where they not only sell condoms in the men’s room (seriously??) but also porn out of the same dispenser. Now that's efficient!

We surprised my MIL when we strolled in and were promptly treated to left over breakfast (but the coffee was hot). We had lots of fun over the two days up there including a trip to the apple orchard and Babyland General Hospital (where Cabbage Patch Kids are born). Actually on this last matter, let the record show that the men folk didn't go in but rather dropped the women off and went to clean out the car and scout a BBQ joint for lunch.

But easily the two highlights of the trip (other then getting a ton of smiles and laughs from my niece and my mistress-not the same person mind you) was OG and the food.

On Sunday I went for a run (crossing into North Carolina 4 times in 12 miles) and on the back end of that run a dog came out from a yard into the street. She came right up to me and liked what she was sniffing. I noticed she lacked a collar/tags but I didn't want to leave her in the street to get hit so I tried to take her back onto the yard she came out of. She followed me, sat but when I took off to run, she followed suit. I figured she would run with me for a few feet and then go home but she stayed with me for the remaining 3-4 miles. When we got back to the cabin I got some bowls of water and food (turkey and carrots) and fed OG - short for Orton (the street I found her on) Girl - she wolfed down the food and looked pretty happy as in this video:

Alas she took off after that and we didn't see her again (insert frowny face emoticon here). I had a feeling her and The Mooks would have been fast friends.

I finish this post with a partial list of foods consumed between Friday Night and Monday Afternoon:

Texvmex Wrap
Hot Cocoa ice cream
Bagels, cream cheese and lox
Chicken salad sandwich
Lots o' apples
Steak
Crabcakes
Asparagus
Corn on the cob
Birthday cake
Cookies
Pancakes
Pulled pork sandwich
Onion loaf
Fried apple pie
Peanut brittle pop corn
Chili
Smores
Omelet (featuring cream cheese, lox, crab meat)
Sliders
Sweet potato fries
5 varieties of hot wings
And because I'm watching my figure... Diet coke and a MGD 64

Let the Detox begin now

Metro-politan Chivalry and a Slice of Pi

I won’t go into full details since I also added a rare podcast to today’s post. But I will point out that no matter how tired you are after a day at work, no matter how hot and crowded the last car on the train is, when you see an obviously pregnant woman standing, you get your ass out of the seat and let her sit. Short of either a) you being pregnant, or b) your leg lying in a bloody pool next to you and staining the carpet in the train car, there are NO excuses. Above all I shouldn’t have to ask you twice before making a scene.

Also I want to thank Pi’s folks for letting him come out with us to the ballgame last night. Sure the Mets lost but how cute does he look in his new hat? Actually I took the hat back but I did make sure to pass along the baseball that Adam Dunn hit to him during batting practice. Good thing the little guy brought his glove to the game!

Listen to the podcast for full details on today’s posting.

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The Day of the Crash

To rehash what happened yesterday in Washington, DC is painful, especially for those who either lost people they loved in the accident or were on the trains that collided and injured. So my intent is not to do that but rather recap my afternoon/evening. The following is just my happenings and in no way meant to make light of the day’s tragic events. The staff here at Nobody Likes a Jerk sends our deepest sympathies and condolences to all effected by this tragic accident.

Leave the Office
After putting in a full day I headed from my office in Foggy Bottom up to the Dupont Circle station on the Red Line. I had received an e-mail alert earlier in the afternoon about some single tracking of trains between Friendship Heights and Van Ness that I knew would slow my commute down a bit but I wasn’t too worried. When I got down to Dupont Circle and saw how crowded the platform was I became a little concerned. The first train into the station was already jammed with the standard mix of early commuters and tourists and I couldn’t manage to get to the doors. As the next train pulled in I was happy I got the last spot (just inside the doors). However that’s when the fun started. Instead of the doors closing and us pulling out of the station on the way to Shady Grove, the train operator told us they were offloading the train. Now if the platform is over full and you take a 6-car train full of people and jam them on to the already crowded platform you get a bad situation. The way I saw it was that if I could walk north for a stop or two I could get on in Woodley Park or Cleveland Park where there are less commuters and the platforms have more room.

The Walk North
I headed out of the station and started my trek up Connecticut Avenue. I stress the word UP because there are quite a few hills which are very comfortable to take in dress shoes, khakis, and a full briefcase. As I started walking I pulled out my trusty MP3 player (surprise I don’t own an iPod and I’m OK), flipped to the radio only to hear about the horrible accident that had just occurred on the other end of the red line outside of Ft. Totten. As I walked the news kept getting worse and worse so I skipped by Woodley Park and headed north to the Zoo. Across from the Zoo (2.5 miles from my office) I sought temporary refuge at the local Starbucks (and the Starbucks, and the Starbucks, and the Star...SEE ARLINGTON RAP) specifically the mens room. Came out, called the wife, and we started coming up with auxiliary plans to get home. A quick stop into 7-11 for a Slurpie and I was off to the next stop, Cleveland Park. I called the wife again from Cleveland Park (3 miles from my office) and we agreed to meet with J &J &L over at Comet Pizza and Ping Pong.

Drinks and Dinner
I hoofed it up there (4.5 miles from my office) in a little over an hour and settled in for a PBR and continued to catch up on the news which was getting more dire as the minutes past. Eventually everybody made it up there including J who had to hike just as far as I did but whose black backpack left some nice stains on the back of his shirt. We had a good meal of some of James’ pizza creations complete with a side of anchovies for yours truly. Nothing better then cheep beer and overly salted fish.

On the Way Home
The 5 of us drove back to MD to get the Wife’s car and then we headed home to greet the Mooks who had plenty of licks for Daddy although I can tell she was a bit peeved at the fact that I was walking in the door so late (9pm). I tried to explain but I don’t think she was buying it. We completed the check of all our friends and coworkers who had all made it home ok and settled in for the last few nerve wracking innings of the Mets game.

Just another day in the life.

Four Hours? Yeah Right and Got Headphones?

Four Hours to run a marathon? Yeah right. Four hours, you can kiss my grits! I just got back from (surprisingly scenic) Wilmington, Delaware where I kicked the ass of the Christiana Healthcare Delaware Marathon (the only marathon held in the state of Delaware) in a mind numbing three hours and fifty-two minutes. Sure it was raining, windy and when I finished I had blood on my shirt in the vicinity of my right nipple but I pushed through all that and just kept running. And do you know what the best part is? Go ahead…ask. Ok, I’ll tell you. The best part is that I was starving right afterward and gorged on ice cream sandwiches, pizza, and “no juice” added fruit punch. Actually the best part was the Mooks and the Wife cheering me on along the way. There’s nothing like a dog’s kiss to keep you going from mile to mile. Thanks!

The second part of today’s post. Spend $20 and get a decent pair of headphones! You…by the doors to the train today….I don’t want to hear your music! You can spend hundreds of dollars on an iPod and hundreds of more dollars on crappy music downloads but you can spend twenty bucks and get some ear buds that don’t require me to hear every word and every note of the latest Rihiana track being pumped into your eardrums? Look I recently needed a pair for my MP3 and went over to Best Buy. I spent twenty bucks and got a pair of Sonys. I can turn the volume up to 20 and not hear a thing when their not in my ears. Hummm? Look I don’t bother you with my crap and you don’t bother me with yours. Deal?

To The Lady Sitting Next To Me On The Train...

Did I ruin your day? Oh what a shame! The horror and travesty of it all. Won't somebody please think of the children???

And to think, all of this had to happen because you couldn't bear to be on the train this morning sans your morning cup of joe. Is it hot and tasty? I sure hope you got to enjoy it.

Well at least I still hope its hot when you get off the train.

Why are you shocked? If this isn't your first time riding Metro then why was it such a surprise when I asked you to stop drinking your coffee this morning on the train? You were amazed by my audacity. Sorry about that sister but there's plenty more where that came from!

Maybe your eyesight/hearing/common sense is going bad. I mean with all the blond dye in your hair and your very stylish pant suit (complimented with the hiking boots and save-the-earth green grocery bag) you must be a very important person around the office, where clearly the rules don't apply to you.

Did you stop and think that perhaps we might want a sip of coffee this morning? Hell, after last nights midnight-dish-washing-marathon I could really use some. But I, like everybody else on the train, am waiting until we get off and are able to follow the few simple rules. BTW for those of you who are out of the DC area, “no eating/drinking on the trains” is Rule #2, right after “pay your fare.” It’s a hard one to miss.

You just got off in Bethesda, I hope your cup has gone cold.

Thank you, and HAVE a nice day!

That Was So Funny I Forgot To Laugh and Cheap ‘Bucks

What do you get when you combine a bus driver, a guy in a dog costume, and a bunch of screaming kids? How about an arrest for simple assault?

Remember how I was worried that McGruff the Crime Dog might not have the best intentions under that trench coat he always wears? Well MetroBus Driver Shawn Brim took that a little too far and took a swing at McGruff while the dog (or guy in costume) was handing out flyers to school children.

What’s the problem here? The potentially pedophile dog gets his just come-up-ins and all's well. Yeah, well Shawn before you slug the dog you might have wanted to check who was under the “hood” so to say as it turns out that McGruff was being played by DC Police Officer, Tyrone Hardy. It’s ok though, according to Brim, he took a swipe at the furry crime fighter, “to be funny.”

I don’t need to go into detail about what happened next (you can read the whole story here) but it involves a small chase featuring Brim’s MetroBus and several DC Police cruisers. I do want to know how somebody with Brim’s criminal record (multiple arrests but no convictions) gets a job like this. Perhaps the word “background check” may want to come into HR’s vocabulary.

Also today, Starbucks is planning on offering a new breakfast combo featuring a bowl of their oatmeal and a latte for just under $4. Wow what a great deal!! I think I’ll get some tomorrow. Only it turns out that some “critics” say it may “cheapen the Starbucks brand.” Uh...I don’t get it. Why would that matter? Isn’t the point to this whole thing to bring in customers? Are you still serving the same coffee and oatmeal in this combo as if I order them individually? Then why the hell does it cheapen the brand? I’m no economist (I don’t even play one on TV) but in these economically down times isn’t it a good idea to give your customers some good value and also bring more people in the door to purchase your products? Maybe I just have it backwards.

Can’t You Kids Keep Down That Racket???

That’s what Mrs. Bloggerman was thinking (practically out loud) while riding the train into work yesterday morning. There is an unwritten rule on the Metro that you will be quiet and read your paper, sleep, or check your blackberry from the time the system opens at 5am until at least 9am.

I’m serious about this. There is to be no noise if it can be avoided. That means keeping your iPod volume down, putting your phones on silent and above all, no horseplay and shouting of any kind! The Pendulum of Elon University put it best when they said in a recent online post:

There is certain etiquette to the D.C. metro: a set of unspoken rules such as staying to the right when riding the escalator, standing to the side of the doors of an unloading car and keeping quiet and respectful on the trains themselves. Tourists, of course, don’t know these rules. This annoys D.C.-ers to no end.

I couldn’t have put it better myself....but there’s a twist here, it turns out these kids were actually local students apparently on some sort of field trip (complete with chaperons). Here’s Bloggerman’s new rule. If you talk on the Metro during the morning unnecessarily then you will be thrown from the train while it’s in motion. You may or may not land successfully back on a platform. Chances are usually slim, as more then likely you will either hit the electrified third rail or fall hundreds of feet to your death from an elevated track to the street below. That would shut them up quick.

I know it’ll shut me up!

Drunk E-mails, Awkward Sports Interviews, and Subway’s Bread

Wow gee I really like you. What are you wearing right...you are so cool....why don’t you come over here....I know it’s late but ....you are so hot.....we should totally hang adffafdafadfadsfadfad.

That folks is a drunken e-mail. We’ve all done it, we’re not proud. We may have even added a late night drunk dial in combination to that. Well no more I tell you. No more embarrassing, alcohol-enabled love notes to your ex or your mother. NO MORE...that is if you are a Gmail user. Introducing...Google “Mail Googles.” This little handy-dandy add on to Gmail will make the sender answer a series of three math questions within a 60-second window before it will allow an e-mail to be sent. That’s all well and good but the big question here is: Will It Work? Time Magazine’s Claire Suddath and a friend took a few bottles of wine and decided to find out.

Based on their research the filter really doesn’t do all it claims but I still think it’s a step in the right direction. Look this is a voluntary feature and if you want to turn it off you can. There are of course already detractors not based on the technology but based on the bible. Some how the Krazy Kristians have gotten their hands on this information and are claiming that Google is endorsing alcohol use.

Speaking of “Krazyness” Zabe posted this great YouTube video of SportsCenter’s Top 10 list of Awkward Sports Interviews. Take a moment to play it...you will laugh (no filter or alcohol needed).



Finally to close out today I want to talk about the bread baking at Subway shops across the nation (and possibly Canada). I walk by several each day on my journey between my office and the Metro station and each day (especially in the morning) I notice the smell of their fresh baked bread. I don’t know what type they are baking to create the smell I take in but it’s possible that it could be a combination of all the different types. Whatever it is I can’t help but falling in love with the smell. It is getting to the point that I want to consider bottling it up and selling it to Bath and Body Works to put in their wall fragrance releaser thingies. Humm.....how about an entire house smelling like Subway sandwiches. Jarred here we come!

Stop that F-in Cursing!

Maybe I’m getting old. I don’t know. Things now bother me that I used to never give a second thought to. For one thing, cursing in public. Now, before you go “well Bloggerman...you curse all the time.”, well you’re motherf-@#$@#$g right I do. But I have deeply curtailed my cursing in public places and especially when there are young children around.

I was reminded of this when attending some baseball games this week (my Mets swept the Nationals btw). Even though we had “prime” seats in the lower two seating areas, there were still a ton of profanities thrown around in complete ear shot. I have to think young kids these days are becoming more immune to the cursing because it’s everywhere from music to the internet but call me old fashioned because I still think they shouldn’t have to hear it until their parents curse them out as a 12 year old brat. I saw some guy doing it as I got of the subway this morning too. There probably aren’t any kids walking downtown at 730am during the middle of the week but it’s more the principal then anything.

However we need to be aware that there are plenty of times that cursing is perfectly appropriate such as the field of play. Cursing “within the lines of play” is just fine with me as sometimes you have to drop an F-bomb when you strike out (not that I’ve ever had to worry about that!) Case in point is one of my favorite tennis players of all time, John McEnroe getting thrown out of a match in Rhode Island last night. The article says he was tossed “...for a new kind of triple fault: cursing, arguing with the chair umpire and making an obscene gesture at fans.” How great is that.??

Kids, this is who you should be watching!

So Many Signs...So Little Revenue?

Thank you United Technologies and thank you American University. Your ads plastered over almost every square inch of metro station and train (respectively) have not only informed me of your products, services, and class offerings but also diverted my attention to the task at hand: sitting here trying to get home.

I fully appreciate all the advertisers on Metro because they do help to offset the cost of my trip. However the question I have is for Metro is, "Why, if you can have one advertiser pay to fill a whole station or train once every few months, why are there no ads the rest of the time? Perhaps you could offer the station advertising ala carte so that one company doesn't have to buy the whole thing. Additionally, how much money are you getting on these things? It doesn't appear enough to off set my $11 a day trip.

As it turns out the nice folks at CBS Outdoor media are the ones who run the advertising on Metro and I am a bit more dismayed at the situation in light of that news. CBS Outdoor is a major-league billboard company and should have no problem attracting top flight advertisers like Denny's and Motel 6 to come on board (literally).

Heck, now all I can think about is Tom Boddet eating his "Moon over my Hammy" and "leavin' the light on for me.". Thanks brain!

That Car is on Fire, Bush Can Read, and Kicking Back

Talk about a way to really start the week off (ok the week technically started yesterday but it was a Federal holiday so deal with it)! I hadn’t even parked my car this morning when I noticed the smoke in the garage next door.

At first I thought it was just a car idling, but then there was just too much “exhaust” for that. Then I thought it was the construction crew in the garage at work with a machine of some sort, but there was no accompanying noise. Finally I got out of the car and checked it out. Sure enough there were flames on the ground underneath this green Ford Taurus parked on ramp leading up to the 2nd level. As I got up there a woman who had parked nearby was already on the phone with 911 reporting the incident. I’ll keep the rest of the details short (I got a fire extinguisher from the construction crew but it did no good and eventually the fire department came and put out the flames but not before it engulfed the whole car and created a thick cloud of black smoke in the garage). What really bothers me is that while we were trying to asses the size of the fire and then get the professionals there to put it out, people kept driving right by it without a single thought to stop and try to help. Then when I and another good samaritan started to redirect traffic while we were waiting for the firefighters, drivers actually tried to drive around us past the fire. Just how stupid/callus/uncaring are you to see these flames and smoke and think that either a) you don’t need to find another place to park or b) you shouldn’t stop and see if you can help? These people all get the middle finger and I only help that you are never in need of assistance because I can’t guarantee that somebody will be there when you need it.

Speaking of idiots who are in need of assistance, our beloved President did a photo op with local DC area kids at the MLK library downtown yesterday in honor of Martin Luther King’s birthday. While there he read a book to the little children. My question is did he read to them or they to him? Furthermore perhaps the press office should not be putting the President in any setting where he has to read. Do we remember what he was doing the morning of 9/11? Also I want to know why we celebrate Dr. King’s birthday instead of the date of his assassination. I don’t want to “celebrate” the assignation…but why is that not the date in which we honor his memory and rededicate ourselves to his ideals? I guess it’s not all that important since we are honoring him and helping to move forward his ideals but it’s just interesting. The same thing goes for Lincoln.

On a recent airline trip, the flight crew requested (after take off) that we “kick back, relax and enjoy the flight.” This was a very nice greeting and probably meant to put us at easy for a late flight but it made me think (what doesn’t these days), that it is overly hard to “kick back” in a coach seat. There is just enough leg room to squeeze into the seat as it stands now much less “kick back”. Further expanding this, have you ever been sitting in coach and the jerk in front of you decides that he has the right to recline his seat as far back as possible regardless of your discomfort. Yes, the seats recline when you push that button; we all know that. But we also know that you shouldn’t recline all the way back if someone is sitting behind you because it’s not polite. Well this flight I was on was completely full…so using the above argument, even if I wanted to kick back and relax, I couldn’t.

Assorted Friday Ramblings

I have an assortment of things to discuss this morning. So here we go; please keep your hands and feet in the car at all times and keep the restraining harness on.

1) St. Louis Billikens Set a New Low

Last night the George Washington University Colonials helped the St. Louis University Billikens set a new record in men’s college basketball. SLU scored a new low in points during the “shot-clock” era with 20. That’s not 20 in a half, that’s 20 in the game. The final was 49-20 in favor of GW. The bulk of the story is here on ESPN, but what I want to point out is not that the Billikens couldn’t shoot or that GW’s defense was that strong (although they did record 11 blocked shots); rather that GW only scored 49 points. St. Louis had to be getting discouraged by their lack of production and I have to think that GW could have taken better advantage of that on their offensive end. Yet they only scored 49 points. Perhaps GW’s coach, Karl Hobbs, told his guys “to take it easy” on offense, but that doesn’t sound like Hobbs, who could power a small city when running up and down the sidelines. GW is having a really poor season and while they are on the good side of history here, they should have more to show then just 49 measly points.

2) The Meeting Room is Locked

Today I tried something new. I’m trying to get back to running with the group from Pacers that I’ve been with since they started a few years back. Since going on the diet I’ve been weighing in on Saturday morning and thus couldn’t join them for their runs. It’s something I’ve missed terribly and want to start again. So today I figured I go to a weigh in here in DC in the morning before work. The meeting I was supposed to go to started at 730am and should run until 830am, anytime in between I should be able to weigh in. However when I showed up today at 820am the doors were closed and locked and there was a sign on the door saying that this was “an Express Meeting” and ended promptly at 8am. I knocked when I heard voices on the other side of the door and the woman said, “Sorry we’ve locked everything up.” This sucks, I just want to get on a freaking scale and see if I had as good of a week as I think I did. I’m awaiting a call from the company’s customer service department and I want nothing less then one month free for my “mental suffering.”

3) Metro is Considering New Hi-Tech Cars for the Rail System

Of course they a) can’t get the cars for another 5 years and b) the ones they have now can’t run in any semblance of an on-time schedule. But this is not the most disturbing part of the article I read today in the Washington Post. Our friend councilman Jim Graham (see the previous rant on this bow-tie wearing, wussy-dog holding, sissy boy), actually had this to say regarding making a suggested small change to the Metro logo, "…that's weeks of discussion…" Wait a minute; you want weeks of discussion for a simple logo change? Maybe that’s why we needed such a large rate increase (that just went into effect), all the energy that is used during these meetings of Graham talking about the Logo change. Maybe (and this is only a suggestion) we could discuss how to better improve the trains and busses and to teach our employees how to properly interact with the customers they encounter daily. But then again a logo is really important too.

4) A quick note to Washington Capital Fans

Be very thankful for your owner, Ted Leonsis, and his genuine care for the team and the community. Yesterday he signed a 13-year agreement with star forward Alex Ovechkin. Ovechkin is a 22-year old Russian superstar and is even more remarkable because he negotiated the contract with the team by himself. Yes, he DIDN’T use an agent and not only saved commission but also cut out all the BS that comes along with tense negotiating talks those agents usually cause to occur. Leonsis didn’t try to screw him and Ovechkin didn’t try to screw the team. His deal is worth $9M per year for the first 6 years of the deal and $10M per year for the remaining 7 years. This means that even now he represents a smaller portion of the teams salary cap then the 20% maximum allowed for one player by the NHL. This gives the team the money to be flexible in free agency and sign strong players around Ovechkin. This is the kind of move that a savvy veteran makes to help his team win championships, not a 22-year old kid. Kudos to you Alex and you will always have a fan on this blog. PS: Can I get a loan?

Is it Getting Wamer In Here? and Campaign Love

Thanks to all those fine people who don’t believe in Global Warming I’ve had to suffer for the last few days as we here in DC enjoy our annual “2-3 Hot Days in the Middle of January.” The real challenge here is not the warmer then normal weather outside but what to do inside your office where the heat stays on regardless. I’ve taken to rolling up my sleeves and drinking more water then usual. Others use portable fans or wear clothes that you normal wouldn’t find in the Northeast in the middle of winter.

It is this last item that I want to address in today’s entry. There is nothing wrong with adjusting to the temperature by adjusting your clothing. I would never expect you to where a heavy top coat and wool ski hat when it’s going to be 70 degrees outside, but on the flip side there are things that should NEVER be worn to an office setting. It really doesn’t matter if it’s the winter, summer, spring, fall or other season that isn’t officially recognized by the group of scientists and TV weather personalities that decide these kind of things.

The biggest no-no are flip flops, sandals, or other footwear that is backless and attaches my sliding the toes through an open end of fabric. This morning on the escalator up from the Metro I observed a man wearing faded jeans, brown polo shirt, and ratty brown flip-flops. Did I miss the memo that there was a dress down Tuesday today? I don’t think so and I don’t think this guy should have been allowed into his office today. What kind of thoughts go through your head when your in the closest (where you should have stayed) getting dressed? “Hum, well it will be warmer then usual today. I should wear my flip flops with the grey suit. No wait. That doesn’t match at all…I’ll wear the ratty jeans and polo shirt. Yeah that’s the ticket. My boss will be so impressed that my outfit matches that he’s sure to give me that big raise and promotion!” Dumbass!

The DC Examiner today pointed out a great personal ad on Craigslist today. How appropriate that something like this was posted in this over-hyped, over-worked political season. Now if we can just find somebody for Bill while Hillary is out campaigning? Ladies, any volunteers?

Weekend In New England?

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Professional Black Male Seeks Romantic, Sensual Partner To Accompany Him to New Hampshire for the Weekend While Performing Political Work There!

Don't you want to combine your penchant for political activism with your desire for raging sensuality and passion? Let's trudge through the snow by day, curl up in front of a warm fire in the evening, and then burn up the sheets throughout the night.

Respond if you are adventurous, spontaneous, fit, sensual, have a social conscience, and have a thing for tall, dark, handsome, fit, intelligent, sensual, black men.

This weekend is New Hampshire... South Carolina and Vegas to come...

No Fear, No Problem

I just heard a recorded announcement in the Metro station today.

"Our garbage cans are redesigned so you have nothing to fear by throwing your trash away where it belongs."

Perhaps I missed something here. It has been known to happen now and again. When DID we have something to "fear" when we used the trash cans?

Was it during the great "Trash Can Terror Alert" of 04? Or maybe it was back in 2006 when Dick Chaney tried to throw out a piece of gum, missed the can, and raised the terror alert color to fuchsia (remember the color coded alert system... Yeah another winner from the Bush administration!)?

Nope, I'm pretty sure that we've never had anything much to fear from our trash receptacles. So go on America, use your trash cans, garbage dumpsters, and even wastepaper baskets with reckless abandon. If you don't, remember, the terrorists win.

Wheeled Bags, Menace or Deathtrap? I've Decided

From time to time something I observe aggravates me to the point that I feel compelled to come into this forum and tell you about it. Heck that happens every day with everything in my life but two things today really got under my skin so here we go.

The first item on my hit list is roller bags. These are either in briefcase or backpack form and have two to four wheels and a telescoping arm/handle. The people you see wheeling these things around are in reality too lazy or too infirmed to be allowed to carry anything, anytime, anywhere. It really grinds my gears (shout out to Family Guy fame) when I have to avoid them (as I did way too many times today) on the Metro.

This morning as all 400 of my closest friends tried to cram into one set of doors in a new land speed record, one woman in the middle of the pack had the aforementioned bag in her possession and was trying to roll it over people’s feet so that she could get a spot on the train (which was empty when it pulled into the station). I finally got so annoyed at waiting for her to find an opening that as she wheeled it on to the train; I grabbed at the back and lifted it onto the car for her. Similarly, when I exited to the train today there was another man with a similar bag (this time a backpack on wheels) who also felt he wasn’t quite in possession of the strength to lift his bag and we had to wait for him to gingerly roll it onto the escalator.

Listen up people, if you can’t carry your bag for a few moments as you go thru crowded doorways, up or down escalators, or other crowded thoroughfares then leave them at home. Take a small brown bag for your lunch and leave the computer at the office. What in G-d’s green earth are you hauling in there that could be so heavy? Even laptops from the early 1990’s only weigh in at ten pounds. Are you so week of bone that you can’t manage to carry that for the few feet that would save the rest of us from having our’s run over? The next time I see you I will lift up the bag, remove the wheels and then watch as you “slide” it around!!

The second item on my list is my Fantasy Football team. I am playing this season in a work league through ESPN.com and a recreational league through NFL.com. My NFL league is going fine and I just advanced into the championship game next week. However my ESPN league is not as well. I had a chance to participate in the playoffs as the #3 ranked team in the league (playing the #2 team). And this past week, which ended with last night’s MNF game, I lost my one measly, little point! Can you believe that? One POINT! If I swapped either of my two RBs on the bench for Rudi Johnson (who could only manage 10+ yards against the San Fran defense!!!!!) I could have won! I would have won and advanced into the championship in both leagues. I want to grab Mr. Johnson by the neck (yes I know he’d probably kick my ass but that’s not what’s important now) and ask him why he screwed me so bad.

Ok now back to your regularly scheduled programming. This reminds me that it’s been a while since you’ve had an update on my ever shrinking waistline. Well after an “OK” week I’m down a total of 15.2 pounds in just under 8 weeks. Yeah Me.

Metro Riders: The Good, The Bad, and the Stupid

Three recent incidents over the past few days have got me thinking (and subsequently blogging) about the people who I share my daily commute with. They come from all over the metro DC area and from all walks of life. They are Doctors, Lawyers, Government Paper Pushers, Pimps, Prostitutes, Lawmakers, Lawbreakers, and one little Project Manager who feels the need to tell you all about them (that’s me by the way).

THE GOOD:
Yesterday morning started off like any other (except for IMUS’ return….see other post). I got on the train at the start of the line, sat down and started reading the paper. About two stops in (Twinbrook) the doors opened and I heard “Oh My G-d! Help me!” That got my attention and out the window I didn’t see anybody on the platform and as the doors were chiming to close, two men who were on the train and standing at the door jumped out and pulled a guy (who was laying on the platform) up and onto the train. He had slipped on the wet platform and twisted his knee. I jumped up when I saw him being picked up and helped hold the door and immediately offered him my seat, which he gratefully accepted. It turns out he was ok after a few minutes of flexing but he was very appreciative. Now on to…

THE BAD:
While I gave up my seat (2 rows from the door), the guy sitting in the first row in front of me and the others who were also in front row seats didn’t even stand up to see what was going on. After we were moving again I laid into the guy in front of me for not getting up. He was an Indian (I believe) man, middle aged, with a suitcase. He seemed to be in fine physical shape (no cane or walker). Why couldn’t this jerk get up and give the guy who was obviously hurt and in pain his seat. He said, “Oh I didn’t have time to react!” How could he not have time to react? Was he confused? Maybe he thought when the guy who slipped was grimacing in pain it was a tribal or religious ritual meant to encourage a quick end to winter and a bountiful harvest next fall. Or maybe it was that this guy is an idiot and deserves to have either A) his green card revoked, B) received a week in a Sudanese woman’s prison, or C) a special place in this bloggers heart and mind and if I see him again I’m going to kick him in the back of the knee and then sit back down in my chair.

THE STUPID:
After an eventful morning I was hoping for a nice quiet ride home, progressing further in to a really good book I’m reading (David McCullough’s book on the building of the Brooklyn Bridge, The Great Bridge.) The train was fairly crowded but still enough room for me to find a standing spot near a pole. 3/4 of the way through the ride we were about to close the doors and pull away from the Grovsnor/Strathmore station, when a women in the middle of the car decided she needed to get off here. Why she didn’t get off when we first pulled into the station is beyond me but she waited until the last second. As she worked her way toward the car door, the chimes went off and the doors began to close. She would not make it and have to ride to the next station and turn around. But wait there was a guy standing by the door who wanted to help. Without thinking (I can only assume) he stuck his hand in between the closing doors and stopped them on his hand (with only a paper’s width left until they completely closed). The doors reopened and the woman exited thanking the man profusely. While this guy could go into “THE GOOD”, I’m putting him in THE STUPID because the doors might not have opened, and in the past I’ve seen trains pull away with people’s hair, bags, and clothes stuck in them. None-the-less I appreciate what the guy did and he is a good person.

Maybe all the GOOD ones should find the BAD and some of the STUPID and whop them until they can’t sit down for a week. Or maybe I should just get back to work and stop thinking about such daily minutia?

THANK YOU FOR RIDING METRO.

An Open Letter to DC Councilman Jim Graham

Dear Councilman Graham,

First loose those stupid glasses. Nobody thinks you look any more intelligent or noble because you choose those frames over contact lenses. In fact they only serve the purpose of making you look the fool even more.

Now that the nice-ites are out of the way lets talk about the latest proposed increase for DC's Metro service in order to close the $173 million budget gap.

You seem to think that us "suburban-ites" are an endless supply of money and have no problem coughing up a few more dollars a day on parking, on and some more to ride the train into your city. All of this while your bus riding constituents don't pay a cent more. Humm....do you see anything wrong with this picture? No? Well I do. I have no problem helping to shoulder the load (even though 90% of it is caused by mismanagement and poor decisions by yourself and others on Metro's Board of Governors) but let's be fair. Look at the following areas and see if the proposed rate increases are really "fair".

1) Your so-called "poor bus riding constituents" already have a rate that is so far subsidized below the US transportation standard for large cities it's disturbing. Metro bus riders pay only $1.25 for any fare in the system (even less if you're a senior or student). By comparison, NYC bus riders pay $2 (oh yeah...their subway which is 20x as large as DC's pay the same $2 fare), Chicago and Atlanta: $1.75, Boston: $1.50. Do you get it yet? I think your constituents could cough up a few more cents?

For the 30 days leading up to October 25, 2007, bus ridership (according to Metro's numbers) was 443,000 riders. Lets say that 75% of them were seniors and students (high number but let's pretend), that means an increase of say $.25 per rider for the full fare crowd would mean an increase of income of: $84, 000 per month. Now let's draw this out for a whole year and we get $1M extra to help close the gap. (I'll keep a running total for you....$173M-$1M = $172M)

2) Instead of raising the parking fees $1.15/day and putting an lopsided burden on those of us who don't live within walking distance of the suburban stations (all of which are outside of DC...I don't think that's a coincidence), only raise it $.25/day. That would bring the parking about to $4.25/day. Metro has about 55,000 spots available. Let's be conservative and say 53,000 of them are full on a regular weekday (if you've ever tried to get to the station after 830am you'd think that they were all full). Using the extra quarter a day would yield $13,250 extra per day. This translates to: $265,000 extra per month and $2.9 million per year(we'll do it by only 220 working days to figure on some holiday and vacation time) (Thats $172M-$2.9M=$169.1M)

3) You are in favor of raising rates for subway riders up to $.30/ride, again putting more of a burden on those of us who have the longest trips in and thus the highest fares (I currently pay $3.90 each way between Shady Grove and Farragut North), yet if you look at the amount per distance it's not even close to "market rate." My trip and many others who pay the "max" breaks down to about $.14/mile (my trip is 28 miles each way). By comparison,NYC riders pay the aforementioned $2/trip between ANY 2 points in the system. That means you can ride the "A" train from 207th street in Harlem to Far Rockway in Queens for $.07/mile. Why not go to that model? While it looks like Metro would loose money on the max fare, they would in fact make quite a bit (actual numbers aren't available) on those riders who go the minimum of $1.35 rush hour fare. Let's be conservative (again) and figure Metro could stand to make $40M-$50M more per year (not even figuring in weekends and holidays. ($169.1M-$50M= $119.1M)

4) Stop holding up the sale of the property around the Takoma station. Today's papers tell about your activity in holding up the sale of property around the station to a developer that would net Metro $4.6M based on fair market value. ($119.1M-$4.6M= $114.5M)

5) Shut off the light when you're done. Unless your press office was asleep on the job you caught the article in the Washington Post on October 8th, "Metro Leaves the Light on For You" Where because of timers installed the lights go on in the building at 5:30am and off at 8:00pm running a total amount of lighting to $1,400/employee per year. Now if they shut off the lights when they came in and shut them off when they left and make the other basic energy saving recommendations in the article Metro could save $4M per year. ($114.5M - $4M = $110.5M)

6) Perhaps you can explain to me why according to Metro's 2008 projected budget numbers you're spending $38M on advertising (with a guaranteed minimum of $35M to your contractor)? Let's try this...you spend $2.5M on advertising, although I'm not sure exactly what you're advertising for...Oh lets ride Metro instead of that other mass transit system in the area (which doesn't exist!) ($110.5M-$35.5M =$75M)

While my above recommendations don't completely close the gap the system is facing it does attempt to make a dent while keeping the burden spread evenly among the various groups using the system. But in closing, I want to give you a few more numbers. My daily commute costs me $11.80 ($3.90 each way on the train round trip and $4 for parking). Your proposal will make that same commute $15.35. For comparison, I can park at a garage downtown for $11/day on and early bird special. My commute at 645am takes about an hour on the train and the same by car. Looks like if your plan goes through, I'm going to drive...just don't cross the street in my path if you catch my drift.

Sincerely,
Me

POST # 100 - Did you make my list?

In thinking what to post for #100 (check the archives if you don't believe me) I sat and sat and sat some more (my butt is getting sore) trying to think of what would mark this momentous occasion. I have another post coming today on meeting Bill Clinton last night but I really wanted to express my frustrations with many of the people in my life too so I'm going to put the former on hold for a few minutes and continue to regal the little people out there (that's you) with the

TOP 10 People
Who
Piss Me Off

#10: People who wear costumes to places where they don't belong, usually to illustrate a political or social point

#9: People who drive with a dog (or other pet) on their laps

#8: George Bush

#7: People who park in Handicap spaces (with proper tags) but who clearly don't need it.

#6: People who repeat the question just asked of them to begin their answer

#5: Most Children

#4: The Cable Company (Even though I don't have cable this story makes me hate them)

#3: Metro train operators who change the final destination of the train you are on while in mid route.

#2: Matt Lauer and the rest of his Today Show co-horts.

#1: Bloggers that make stupid lists

Enjoy and keep on looking at the stars (it'll make it easier for me to steal your rims).