Run Patriots, Run!

Happy Patriots’ Day to everybody out there!

Happy What?! What the hell is that?

Patriots’ Day, (according to our friends over at Wikipedia): “...is a civic holiday commemorating the anniversary of the Battles of Lexington and Concord, the first battles of the American Revolutionary War. It is observed in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and state of Maine (once part of Massachusetts), and is a public school observance day in Wisconsin.”

I’m not really clear as to why it’s celebrated in Wisconsin, but I’m all for holidays that don’t make a lot of sense (see Big Wind Day in New Hampshire).

The real highlight of the day is not the colonial reenactments but rather two Boston-based sporting events, the running of the Boston Marathon and the 11am game of the Boston Red Sowx (yes I know...but it’s phonetic).

The marathon is of course the bigger of the two events where most of the runners are you fast SOBs that I constantly assail because you're just too darn fast. This was the 113th running and it is still the only “major” marathon not run during a weekend. The full story can be found over at the Boston Globe, but it looked like a great race (especially on the women’s side with the closest finish in history and even the Americans got in on the act finishing 3rd in both races (hey we don’t suck as much as I thought). But on a serious note, congratulations to all the runners and I hope you all had a great race! The way I see it by the time I’m 80 or so I can qualify...see you in a little less then 50 years.

The other event was the Red Sox (see I can spell) game today. The game is the only one of the year on the entire Major League Baseball schedule to start before noon (the only game scheduled prior to the season; there are some makeup dates that need to start early). And it’s evidently very exciting as you can exit Fenway Park, walk a short distance and see some of the marathon finishers (the winners finish somewhere in the 2nd inning).

And finally, while this has nothing to do with Patriots’ day, tomorrow I want to alert you to two other New England-based traditions:
1) 50 cent Ice Coffee Day at Dunkin’ Donuts
2) Free Cone Day at Ben and Jerry’s

So Run, Celebrate, and Enjoy!

Why is the Room Spinning?

So I thought it would be a good idea to go and get a cup of coffee part way through my morning routine. Not a bad idea, after all a little caffeine can be good for you and help get you though your morning. Instead of making it in house, or even going to the cafeteria for some Dunkin Donuts-brand coffee (the official coffee of NBLAJ), I ventured out to the corner 7-11.

If you have one near you and haven’t been yet, go. I know it’s not the best stuff but it ain’t bad either and frankly there are so many choices as to flavors and “drinks” (cappuccino, late, espresso, regular coffee) it’s actually better then Starbucks and to top it off they have more food to select.

I settled on a medium, toffee-nut cappuccino, but I wasn’t done there. On my way to the register the donuts were calling my name (which is funny because at last check donuts don’t talk...but that’s a topic for another day). Even though I already had oatmeal and an orange this morning I felt the need for flour, water, chocolate and sugar, all lightly-fried into a round shape.

Not to worry, I finished it all, but now the problems start setting in. My heart is going just a notch above “hummingbird” and I’m too-wired and can’t even sit still. How much sugar did I just ingest?

16oz Cappuccino
Nutrition Facts
Calories 200 Calories from Fat 108
Total Fat 12g 18%
Saturated Fat 8g 40%
Cholesterol 0mg 0%
Sodium 200mg 8%
Total Carbohydrate 50g 17%
Dietary Fiber 0g 0%
Sugars 46g
Protein 6g 12%
Est. Percent of Calories from:
Fat 54.0% Carbs 100.0% Protein 12.0%
Chocolate Covered Donut
Nutrition Facts
Calories 250
% DV 1
Total Fat 11g 17%
Sat. Fat 3g 15%
Cholesterol 0mg 0%
Sodium 190mg 8%
Total Carbs. 35g 12%
Dietary Fiber 1g 4%
Sugars 20g
Protein 3g

So to recap that's 66g of sugar (roughly the same as in a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough! Yeah, I think I'm good to go for a while. The word for lunch is "Salad".

Vote. Get Sticker. Get Free Stuff

What’s the best part of Election Day? Is it casting your vote for the candidate and issues of your choice? Is it exercising your democracy that our brave soldiers have fought and died for? Is it sweeping the current party out of office in favor of an equally inept group of corrupt, money-grabbing, prostitute-hiring jackasses (not even in Rabbit Hash!)?

NO!

The answer is:

“What is free food, Alex?”

CORRECT!!

And in honor of our founding fathers and their fight for liberty and democracy here is a list of places you can get election day freebees with a “I voted” sticker.

Ben & Jerry’s

Come to participating scoop shops on November 4th from 5-8pm, and you'll get a free scoop of ice cream.

Krispy Kreme

Celebrate National Election Day by get a free “STAR” shaped donut (read....poorly misshapen attempt at a regular donut that we would normally throw out) with patriotic sprinkles (read....a hodge podge of red, white, and blue sprinkles that got all mixed up from making the other donuts).

Starbucks

Even though Dunkin’ Donuts is still “The Official Coffee” of NobodyLikesAJerk, Starbucks is giving away a free cup for those that come in today.

California Tortilla

Yee-ha! Just come in on Election Day, Tuesday, November 4th, and the spunky cashier will give a coupon for a free taco to anyone of voting age who comes in wearing an I VOTED sticker.

Shane’s Rib Shack

Show your sticker and get a free 3-piece chicken tenders pack with fries and a 20oz soda.

Books A Million

Simply wear your "I voted Sticker" to Books A Million on election day and receive a cup of Joe on us.

Daily Grill

Get a FREE Happy Hour Appetizer to anyone who brings in their ballot stub or "I Voted" sticker on Election Day. They are extending out their happy hour prices on both drinks and food until the restaurant closing that day. Happy Hour starts at 4 PM.

Chick-Fil-A

Bring in your "I voted" sticker into your local Chick-Fil-A on Tuesday, November 4th and get a free chicken sandwich. You can also bring your election yard banner (typical yard signs pimping politicos and/or issues) on Wednesday, November 5th and get a free chicken sandwich.

Eli’s Cheesecake

What: The Eli's Cheesecake Company of Chicago will reward voters with a free slice of Chicago's favorite dessert, simply by presenting their voting receipt at Eli's Cheesecake World, 6701 W. Forest Preserve Drive, from Tuesday, November 4th through Friday, November 7th - 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. If you don't live in the Chicago area, go online to elicheesecake.com, click on "I voted in the 2008 election" and receive a free 6" Original Plain Cheesecake with the purchase of one Eli's 9" Original Plain or Chocolate Chip Cheesecake.

Flu Shots

Vote & Vax is giving away free flu shots. Visit the site to see what’s in your area.

Tattoo Removal

Think I’m kidding? New Look Laser Tattoo Removal in Texas is actually providing one free laser tattoo removal if you come in with your sticker. Um...maybe it’s time to take off that “Hockey Moms Like it On Top” that you got across your chest last month.

Hey This Don’t Taste Like Chunky Monkey

Well perhaps that’s because our friends at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) have now demanded that our friends at Ben and Jerry’s ice cream stop using cow’s milk in their creamy confections and substitute human breast milk.

Take a moment and clean up that sip of coffee/water/crack you just spit up on your desk.

Unfortunately this is not a joke. Various newspapers have picked up the story but take a moment (once you’re done here) to read Charles Memminger’s column in the Honolulu Star Bulletin because it’s damn good.

I want to take his arguments just a bit further.

Let’s assume for a moment that PETA’s request (and their other anti-cow use measures) become law. We cannot drink cow’s milk, we cannot eat their meat, and we cannot use their hides for clothing. This brings around a scenario where:

1) Women around the world are hooked up to milking machines and forced to “pump” hours and hours each day just to get enough milk to keep the dairy industry going. And how does PETA account for the fact that these women would be kept in dirty barns and made to stand all day while being fed a mix of grains and hay. That doesn’t sound very humane. Maybe we can keep the women free range and let them frolic in green grassy fields when they aren’t being “milked”. This way when we drive down the highway we can pass a farm and say, “oooooohhhh....it’s a Moo-mother” and then that bad joke about “square meals” can be recited ad nausea.

2) How many women will we need to make this a reality? And remember women don’t just produce milk on command. They have to have gone through a pregnancy first. That means that the folks at PETA are putting even more unwanted pregnancies/babies out in the world just in the sake of ice cream and ice cream based novelty treats. Plus the nice people over at Web MD tell me that many women have problems expressing breast milk for one of a variety of reasons. What will be done with that under producing lot?

3) Why should anybody keep cows anymore? The ranchers and farmers don’t have a financial gain from keeping them...no more milk....no more beef...no more leather (heaven forbid!). So now the farmers open the front gates and let the cows run loose. These four legged bovines have no significant use anymore. They will simply roam the country side and more then occasionally wander across the interstate in search of food (which is now being harvested to keep the milking maids fed so they keep producing). Which brings us to the next item...

4) Think of all the cars that will be destroyed and accidents and injuries caused as a result of cars slamming into the cows on the highway at 80 miles an hour. These collisions will be all the more severe because large SUVs and sedans have been banned in favor of smaller, lighter, solar powered cars. Do you know the difference between surviving a crash between a car and a cow at 80 miles per hour? A large tank of a Cadillac! These little Smart Cars ain’t gonna be so smart anymore when it goes from a sub compact to a cube with your head sticking out of one side.

PETA please take these thoughts under consideration before offering your “views” to the public. The blood of these bovines and human tears will be on your hands. Now that’s food for thought. Now lets get some Cherry Garcia!