Nobody to Vote for and Revenge (US Postal style)

How is it possible that on my first election day as an eligible voter in the state of Maryland there's nothing to vote for? I don't mean that there's a bunch of unworthy and ungrateful candidates and a slew of ballot initiatives that are only going to add to my tax bill. I mean there are NO anything. I have no national elected races, no state races, not even an stinking local race for dog catcher (that would be a fun position to hold though!). I'm sitting here when I should be out at the polls because there is literally NOTHING to vote on today in my district. (A note here should be made wishing Ryan Spegal the best of luck in the Gaithersburg city council race tonight).

I should admit that this development isn't all bad. There are a slew of races (I used slew twice in once post...it's going to be a tag!) in Virginia that are bringing out all the slime that is associated with politics especially the campaign ads. The best one I saw (and I can't for the life of me remember this guy's name) was for a state Senate seat. The candidate is an older guy and they have him dressed in a circa 1973 sweat suit hitting a speed bag which is dusted in talc so every time he hits it, a puff of smoke comes off. The juxt of the ad is that he is "fighting" for his constituents, but the best part is the end when they show him running up the steps of the State House in Richmond as if he were Rocky Balboa. I swear he looked like he was going to keel over dead if they made him do it again. I have a special prize to the first person that can tell me who the candidate is and send me a link to the video!!!

On to going POSTAL, or rather using the US Postal Service to help me get revenge on the advertisers. Yesterday I posted (shame on you if you have to click the link because you didn't already read it!) about Andy Rooney's tips for getting back at telemarketers and junk mailers. Well today I got three in the mail and tomorrow I'm sending three out. Southwest's Visa card department is getting a coupon for a free gallon of milk if they buy any 4 varieties of General Mills cereals (conditions apply), Omaha Steaks is getting a free sample of Glide dental floss (now with the freshening power of Scope) and State Farm is getting a coupon of some sort from Popeye's chicken (frankly it was an hour ago and I don't remember what it's for). The bottom line is that I was feeling stressed and under the weather when I got home but now I feel great and it's all thanks to fat Andy Rooney.

Speaking of fat, I'm still waisting away. Down another 2.0 pounds this week for a total of 6.4 pounds. I've done away with the picture that accompanies this news because of various complaints that it looked like crap. You're right it did so now it's gone. If only getting rid of a certain blogger that you love to hate were that easy.

Random Monday Musings

A few Monday musings for those of you getting back to work today.

1) turn your clocks back. I'm a little upset because I remembered to turn them all back within a few hours of waking up yesterday including my watches. Then this morning when I got in the car on my commute, I realized I forgot to take my watch...damn!

2) I found a good way to prevent fog build up on your car mirrors. For those of you north of here it's a handy trick for mornings like this when the mercury dips down in the AM.

Take some liquid soap and rub it onto the mirrors with a slightly damp paper towel while the mirror is dry. then wipe the solution off with a dry paper towel and your mirrors will be fog free for about 2 weeks.

3) The Jets stink. But how bad are the Redskins that they BARELY beat them yesterday. And to further the post to Redskin Fan...please have your radio announcers SHUT UP too. Sam Huff and Sonny Jourgansen are the two most painful voices on the radio. Not only do they mumble about 10 ft away from their microphones so you can't possibly make out what they're saying but it's as if they don't bother to pick up the opposing team's media guide. They referred to Jets tight end Chris Baker, simply as "jets tight end" about six times in a 2 minute span. You'd think one might read down this roster and say "humm...#86 is Chris Baker". Every other radio team in the country does it, why not them? Also I'm not the only one who thinks they stink. One blogger even went so far as to say,

"...they sound like three old men battling Alzheimer's. They repeat themselves constantly and make John Madden look like Dennis Miller."

4) Family Guy's 100 episode was on last night. I haven't seen it yet so don't tell me what happens or so help me I will come for you in the night.

5) A co-worker sent this list of ideas (originally from Andy Rooney of 60 Minutes) on ways to annoy the hell out of telemarketers and mail solicitors. I don't know if any of this works but thought it was worth a moment of your time (one that you'll never get back). I also like going with "hold on let me put my brother on the phone." The oldies are still sometimes the best.

Andy Rooney's Tips for Handling Telemarketers and Other Invaders

Three Little Words That Work !!
(1)The three little words are: 'Hold On, Please...'
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear the phone company's 'beep-beep-beep' tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.

These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.

This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a 'real' sales person to call back and get someone at home. What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer!

(3) Junk Mail Help:
When you get 'ads' enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these 'ads' with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

When you get those 'pre-approved' letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 41 cents postage 'IF' and when they receive them back.

It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.

Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back! If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 41 cents.

The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!