Go For a Ride in the Fly Fly

Talk about self service. These days they even make you fly the damn plane unless you're willing to pay for a pilot. Well at least they have air conditioning. They don't? I have to open the what? The window, are you crazy???

Well as it turns out you could pay for a pilot, or you could take an awesome gift from Mrs. Bloggerman and go out on a "Discovery Flight". That's fancy pants talk for a 30-45 min intro flight where the instructor tries to convince you to start taking pilots lessons ($135/hr for in flight training....and you need about 30 hours of in flight time....).  But since I have a lot of time on my hands these days I figured why not.

I headed up to the airport (conveniently located 5 min from the headquarters of NobodyLikesAJerk) this morning and met my instructor, Tom. We headed out to the tarmac and looked over our steed for the morning. We were in a Cessna Skyhawk which from what I understand is avionics for "piece of crap".

Tom walked me around the plane once and showed me all the flaps, ailerons, and propeller. We filed our flight plan and were on our way. Now I thought that FAA regulations and basic common sense would only allow me to take the controls once we were safely in the air. Evidently, that wasn't the case. Tom taxied us out to the main runway and then told me to take the yolk (fancy word for steering wheel) and to go ahead and get our speed up and take off.

WOW!  What a rush. I only had 180 horsepower going for me so I can only imagine what kind of rush it is for a commercial airline pilot who's handling a 747 (120,000 HP).



We were up there for about 30 min and did some basic climbs and dips. Then Tom decided we should get a little fancy and try a steep turn. Think of it like this. the basic turns are like taking your car and turning left into a parking lot. A steep turn is like trying to make that same left turn at 70 Mph when you just realized you missed the address. Another way is like Fast and Furious on crack.



After a little more fun up in the air it was time to land. Tom gave me the choice of doing it myself or letting him do it. Not sure if my life insurance was fully paid up I let him have the controls and here are the results. 


After this very cool adventure it makes me realize two things. Dave Attell is still very funny, and that I don't need a pilot's license. I'm going to go high class here and let somebody do the work for me! Hello Delta?

Scan Me? Scan You!

Airport security is a serious thing. I think we can all agree on that. It was serious before the attacks on 9/11 and it’s something to continue to take serious today. But there are people out there who don’t feel comfortable with the heightened security measures that take place. Maybe it’s a panic attack over the crowds at the security screening point. Or maybe you’re a terrorist or a coke mule and don’t want to be discovered. I get it. I really do. But the good news is there are more than a few ways to travel.

Hey I also get that air travel is the way to go. Look it’s certainly a lot faster than taking the train and a little cleaner then taking the bus. The downside are the checked bag fees, the tight seats and of course the security lines. These are (for the most part) all unavoidable so just deal with them.

But not you. Nope. You are douchewaffle extraordinaire, John Tyner. You bought an airline ticket, packed your bags and headed off to the San Diego International airport to meet up with your family in South Dakota. You must have really not wanted to visit your Dad and go pheasant hunting. First you turned on your cell phone camera and started recording when you got to security. Then you refused to go through the full body scanner. Ok...you don’t have to go through it. Maybe you’re worried about radiation. I get it....I really do. But then when the TSA agent pulls you aside and explains that the only other option to going through the scanner is a full-body pat down. But you weren’t having that. Nope. You actually told the TSA Agent (a Federal Officer) “If you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested!”

And you are wondering why you were thrown out of the airport? First I’ll start off with the obvious one, who was going to do the arresting? If the agent went through with the pat down, who were you going to complain to? Were you going to go to the San Diego City cop on the segway? Actually I would have liked to see that. No you’re a software guy...you have a cell phone...you’re too smart for that. You’d probably complain to the Agent’s boss. Yes, President Obama is waiting for you phone call. You’d better hurry up and call him...I hear he doesn’t like to be kept waiting.

Lets take a step back and look at the situation on the whole. You bought a ticket from San Diego to South Dakota. You walked up to the security line and turned on your camera phone. Then you refused the body scan and when calmly instructed by a Federal Agent what would occur during the pat down you told him not to touch your junk. This reeks of the video stylings of one James O’Keefe (of ACORN video fame).

I don’t know about you Tyner, but for me, if I buy a plane ticket I’m planning on flying that day. I don’t have the luxury of f-ing with security and getting kicked out. Hell they can even have my 3.1 oz bottle of shampoo if it means that I can get on my flight. In your case you just left the airport. How did you get to that pheasant hunt in South Dakota with dear old dad?

If you’re against the security procedures, that’s fine. They are obtrusive and I too question their effectiveness on a large scale, but when it comes right down to it that is what it is and you’re not going to change it. If you want to be the face leading a protest, I have some causes for you. They mainly involve with forced sterilization video evangelists. See if you can get behind that cause!