Stink Bug Invasion

Uncle! I give up. I tried ignoring you, I tried letting you be, and I've even spared your life on many an occasion that I had the chance to flush you down the toilet or smack you flat against the wall.

So what's the deal with migrating your way I to my car today?

All the dog and I wanted was to go on a nice afternoon hike and take in the fall foliage. But it appears you stink bugs were having your centennial family reunion up on Sugarloaf Mountain.

I understand the convention you were holding with the ladybugs and other flying insects up at the peak. I get it. Every bug needs his or her day, but why move down into the parking lot and further into every crevice of my car?

Why not choose the blue Volvo next to me? They would have  brought you to a nice home with lots of food and plenty of carpet to hide in and pass the winter away.

No, you chose my ride and I will have to spend 20 minutes in the parking lot outside of Starbucks knocking you out of everything. To add insult to injury I won't hold back my rage when I stomp the life out of you.

It's too late to make it up to me now. I only hope your story can be a cautionary tail for others who may try to take advantage of my loving nature.

Sick Dogs and Presidential Dances

Its finally clearing up. My sneezing, aching, and most of my snot is packing up it's toys and heading elsewhere (most likely to Mrs. Bloggerman or Bloggerman Jr.). It's been one hell of a weekend as I've not only had the cold to deal with but also had to navigate a family wedding out of town. Today only leaves a hacking cough and a bit of medicine head (in and of itself an achievement since I haven't taken medicine since last night).

But when I say, "I'm as a sick as a dog" what does that really mean?  I don't really mean I'm as sick as the dog. Trust me, I've seen her sick, when you get to that point it's less "can I have a treat" and more of "shoot me now please."  As it turns out the phrase dates back to the 17th Century and evolved because our former British overlords use the term "sick" to refer to vomiting (instead, using "ill" to describe not feeling well). Add that to dogs then (and now) eating pretty much anything that comes into their eyesight and promptly throwing it up. So "Sick as a Dog" refers to actually vomiting much like your pooch. Hopefully you're not also eating the avoidance too!

Issac has departed Florida and in it's place the Evil Empire (Republicans) have rained down on the greater Tampa area. Its that time again and as the GOP convention starts up it's not only the hotels and restaurants that are gearing up for the extra business. When men of power and lots of money come to town, strip clubs also find a bump in sales. And to that end, the clubs of Tampa aren't letting an opportunity go by with out dipping their (high heeled stiletto) toes in the action.

The Doll House club in Tampa is offering a two night special featuring "Nailin Paylin". They are calling it "The Presidential Undress". How great is that, you can cast your vote limiting women's rights and then see them dance naked on your lap. It's exactly how Jesus rolled!

Label Me...If You Must!

I bet if I went back through the archives of this wonderful piece of www trash I could find that at least 75% of my posts contain angry rants against a group or category. Knowing me the way I do (hey I have 35+ years of experience in that department) most of those rants are against inanimate objects. I just like attacking things that can't possibly attack back and it's easier then finding out the human force behind those objects and calling them out by name. So why don't we continue

Today's object of my ire is the bag of salad I opened the other day. Quick background here. Bag salad has got to be one of the most kick ass inventions in the past 20 years. If we believe the folks at Fresh Express (and when was the last time a major company lied to us???) they developed the bag salad in 1989. So we're looking at 20 or so years of convenience. Growing up we'd make our own salad by actually buying a whole head of lettuce and assorted other vegetables, cleaning them, cutting them up into the appropriate sizes, and mixing them in a bowl. We'd then take that bowl and put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold and fresh.

And now we come to the point of today's rant...keeping those salad bags fresh. The salad makers don't have a problem with it. The supermarkets don't seem to have a problem with it. Most customers don't seem to have an issue with it. Then why (in very small print) at the top of the bag is there a warning that says, "Keep Refrigerated".

WHAT??? Yep...these salad nazis actually want us to keep our cut and bagged vegetables cold! 

Yeah, I couldn't believe it either.

I can't imagine that this warning label was always there. For most people it's just common sense: something is cold in the supermarket, you should keep it cold in your house...it's fairly simple logic. However, it couldn't have been that simple. At some point in the last 23 years some redneck, goober went to the Food Lion or Giant or Ralph's and thought wow....lettuce already cut up....that would be great out at the NASCAR race. Said goober left the bag out on his counter figuring that science would by now allow for salad to sit out on the counter for weeks without going bad. After all the Bible never says, "thou shalt refrigerated salad greens".

In the big picture, this is really a small thing and doesn't effect my enjoyment of the salad or the meal that it accompanies. But I have a lot of time on my hands and this seems like something I should share with you.
 
On another label front the dog has some new treats. She is chowing down on what are essentially doggie Oreos.  The challenge here (besides getting her to eat her own food), is that these are really good. I give her a few and have one for me. Here's the problem (not that they are made for dogs) there is no nutritional label on the box. How many calories am I taking in?  Luckily the internet tells me they are only 38 calories per cookie so I'm still in good shape!

Now you know...race down to your kitchen, run to the counter, grab those bags of shreded iceberg, carrots, and radishes and get them in your chill chest ASAP!  You have to read those labels!

No Means No

Why does the summer always remind me of dog's pooping? Last year at about this time, I wrote about the inaccuracies of public signs asking you to pick up after your pet.  But a new sign has raised my ire.

That's right, IRE.  During my "free agency" period, I've had some time to help out friends who are getting their house ready to sell. During my commute over there I noticed one of their neighbors had a small 12" sign on their lawn near the driveway. From a distance it looked like a small dog sitting there.

Isn't that sweet?  They love their dog (like many of us do) and have a little sign next to their mailbox. Then as I got closer it occurred to me that there was writing on the sign. Well gee, I hope their pooch didn't head to the rainbow bridge and this was one of their ways to memorialize him.

I don't think any of us who share our lives with pets are ever ready to have them leave us so I started getting a little sad. But as I got even closer I was able to read the writing on the sign. "NO!"

Huh? Who names their dog No?  Then it hit me. These troglodytes are trying to tell people walking their dogs that this lawn is not to be pooped on.  Under no circumstances is your canine to defecate on this patch of grass. Do you hear me??

Well let me tell you something about dogs. They are going to go where they are going to go. There is very little controlling that part...it's one of the first things you learn when you bring Fido (or NO) home. A small (or large) sign is not going to stop Spot from...well....spotting your lawn.

You, the homeowner (or gardener), need to be more concerned with the two legged monkey on the other end of the leash. They are the ones with the opposable thumbs. The thumbs that have allowed man to drill for oil and turn that raw crude into thin sheets of plastic. The thumbs that have allowed us to build machines to shape that small plastic into bag shape. The thumbs that take those bags and tie them to Rover's leash.

It's not the dogs fault your lawn looks like a green pool with some floating Baby Ruth's floating around. It's the owners fault. They need to pick up after their 4-legged friend. So I am proposing a new sign. It's going to be quite a bit larger then 12" though so I have to warn you.

The new sign should stand 6 foot tall and should show the same dog pooping, plus a guy holding a leash. Then add a picture of shotgun aimed at his head along with the text, "Dog Poops. You Don't Pick Up. You Die."  It's sweet, simple, and to the point.

Your neighbors are going to love you!

Sign of the Times and Picking The Hoarders Dry

Much like the elusive thirteenth floor in a hotel I am having trouble finding signs that reflect reality. Or at least the reality as I see it.

For example, today as I was on my morning run around DC, I ran through a Capitol Hill park where I saw a sign that said “Pick Up After Your Pet”. Fine…..I can appreciate that. Nobody wants to step in poop when just walking down the street. But the picture was of a dog squatting over the sidewalk and a guy bending down to grab it. Fine, we all get it. Dogs are the primary poopers of our fair park. But what about the few odd cats who go out for walks? How come they aren’t on the sign? Or the potbelly pig owner, where is their sign? Well I’m never one to point out a problem and not provide a solution. I think, in the name of inclusion that we should have a much longer sign with all the different pets pictured so that owners of non-dogs are aware that the law applies to them as well. Sure it could run the entire length of the park (especially if we include the fish and the frogs) but isn’t it worth it to know that everybody is aware of the policy!

I also want to share my idea for a great TV Mash-up/Crossover/Spin-off. What if the people from American Pickers and Storage Wars came over to the houses in Hoarders and started perusing all the “junk”? I think this may be “gold”. Sure, most of the stuff is really junk but I think you might find a valuable antique or two or at least some stuff that the storage locker guys can sell in their second hand shops. How do I keep coming up with this stuff?

Hero Dogs Honored, Abused Dogs Rehabbed, and One Dog Sorely Missed

For my return post I want to talk about three doggie issues. The past week back from vacation should have been a post writing frenzy but to sum up this past week in Mrs. Bloggerman’s words, “We want a re-do button.” Oh boy do we ever. But on to today’s topics.

First, hero military dogs are finally being honored for their hard work and faithful service. The Pentagon last week again denied a request to issue service medals to dogs who have served in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. Their final statement is that the medals are for humans only. But wait, hundreds of military working dogs have put in multiple tours of duty and about a dozen have sacrificed their lives for this country. On top of that there are numerous accounts of dogs laying with their injured handlers until help arrived. Also during World Wars I and II, dogs were “unofficially awarded honors so why not now? In steps, the US War Dogs Association who has created a new “medal” specifically war dogs. It has created a 2-inch-diameter medal adorned with a red, white and blue ribbon, which it will award to deserving military working dogs. Kudos and keep up the good work.

Second, Dirtbag Extraordinaire, Michael Vick, will hopefully get another serious, career ending knee injury during the pre-season. His former fighting dogs, however, are getting a second leash (no pun intended) on life. Some of the 51 dogs sized from his property are being adopted and rehabilitated into loving, caring pets and companions. Unfortunately some had to be put down and others haven’t found a forever home yet but it’s good to see that some are on the right path. See the article in Parade for more details.

Finally, we had to say goodbye to Brutus Chandler (pictured) the other day. Brutus was the most ferocious boxer of them all but he also gave the best tongue and would do anything to protect his sister, Mika. Brutus was my BIL’s dog and he passed after a battle with numerous age-related health ailments. He’s up on that Rainbow Bridge and will be sorely missed. Goodbye buddy.

The Dog Goes On the Disabled List

Nobody Likes a Jerk confirmed today that the Dog has officially gone on the DL as of early this morning with a strained muscle in her left hip.

“It’s a tough loss for our club right now, especially with the nice weather I know she was looking forward to running around the park this week”, club co-owner Bloggerman said earlier this morning.

The club’s medical staff reports that the Dog probably strained the muscle during normal game time activities (jumping on or off the bed) sometime last night. She required a trip to the hospital in the pre-dawn hours this morning to get a second opinion. However the second doctor (the first real one) also came back with the same diagnosis.

“The best we can figure is that she’ll be down for about a week, but after that the docs say she should be good to go again. They want her just to rest and keep from walking as much as possible”, Bloggerman said during an afternoon press conference.

As of press time no replacement had been named but sources say the club is looking to call up another dog from the farm system. Several other clubs (Club Casey and Club Cooper/Curley) had evidently made offers but club owners have been keeping their options opened.

“I think we are leaning toward an open tryout”, said Mrs. Bloggerman. “However the club policy to bar all cats is still going to be in effect.”

Another Reason Why the AKC Doesn’t Get It

The University of Georgia’s Uga (in his many incarnations) didn’t make the list? Are you freakin’ kidding me?!?!? It turns out the American Kennel Club didn’t see it that way, naming Reveille (pictured) from Texas A&M the #2 dog on their “Top 10 Dogs in Pop Culture” list.

Just to recap...you took a border collie which according to sources was named “a Five-Star General” that nobody has ever heard of outside of the state of Texas and ranked her over Uga...the loveable cute bulldog who everybody looks for each week Georgia plays on TV??? Hell you didn’t even rank Uga in the top 10!!

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that the group who almost single handedly does the most harm to dogs in America by inciting rich, white, snooty, WASPs to breed dogs instead of rescuing the millions of animals in shelters who through no fault of their own will be killed because your members won’t adopt them because they can’t “show”. Great...I hope somebody euthanizes you tonight. Either that or you get ball cancer!

That’s mean. I take it back. I hope you get a giant growth off of your sack that is very painful and hideously disfiguring!

Merry X-mas!

Baltimore, Austin, and Horse Poop

Another weekend of races and planning races as Bloggerman competed in the 2009 Baltimore Half Marathon this past weekend in...well...Baltimore. A finally dressed runner (see the picture) completed the race in a new PR of 1 hr 48 min and 38 seconds. That’s a full minute faster then the previous record, however that was while eating donuts so I need to step up my game.

Brian, get 26 sausages ready for consumption. I’m coming to Austin and you’re gonna be doing some eating! It was your mistake to bet me that you’d eat a sausage for every mile I run in the 2010 Austin Marathon. I’m a stand up guy and will forget that you should technically have 2/10’s of a 27th sausage for the spare distance. That’s right, marathon number 20 on Valentine’s Day 2010, and per your suggestion carb loading on Tex Mex it is. Sweet!

Another open letter to the dog: If you see horse poop on the side of a trail, leave it alone. Don’t sniff it. Don’t lick it. Don’t eat it. And for crying out loud: don’t roll in it. Did you think you were cute? Did you think that your buddy Dylan would think you were cooler if you did it? Don’t you realize how bad you stink? Don’t you know I have to bathe you so I don’t vomit from the smell? The worst part was that we had to throw Dylan in the bathtub too...he’s worse then you in there. How can you both be afraid of bath water but will jump into any creak or river without a moment’s hesitation? As our people say: Oy Vey!

Dogs and Free Food

A mea culpa to start things off. It has been almost a week since my last confession... err posting. In that time I have committed no words to paper but have had many thoughts of sins (of the flesh, tongue, pallet, etc). No matter how many hail marys I throw downfield or how much holly water I ingest at the community pool I will most likely fail to post daily again. In the words of the good book, "Get over it! And now the rest of the story.

Last Wednesday I tried to do the right thing. You know something to balance out all the negative karma I've been amassing lately. On the way into the park with the Mooks, I decided to pick up a bunch of cans, bottles, and other refuge that had found its way out of peoples' cars but not into the proper receptacle. As we approached the park entrance an older man was struggling to maintain control of his two large dogs. Their size was no my concern. What caught my attention was that this guy was using a long thin stick to reinforce his "no's". Well one thing leads to another and he let's go. I let tried to jog Mooks away but tripped and let go of her. He was laying in the road complaining about his shoulder and I got one of the two dogs and tied him to a sign. Then Mooks came over and I got her leashed to the tree. The guy's second dog took off into the neighborhood. I went over to check on this guy and decided to call 911.Well 3 min later the cavalry arrives in the form of 4 squad cars and minutes later a fire engine. TJ Hooker, Jr. steps out of the first car and asks "Who got bit?". I told him it wasn't a bite and he tries to cancel the medical team. He also gets pissy with me when I tell him that in fact we want the medical unit there to check out this guys shoulder. He says, "well if he fell why did you call it in as a bite?". He wasn't even trying to listen when I told him that somebody else must have called in the bite, this guy only fell. The long and foster of the story is that the guy refused medical attention and my attempt to be a good samaritan backfired. The only silver lining to come out of this is that his neighbor came out and was pissed at this guys dogs for running loose again. I gave him the number of animal services. We'll see what happens.

On to the free food. I want to thank the following establishments for providing me sustenance, on the house, these past few days:

Chik-fil-A: dressed like a cow on Friday (national cow appreciation day) and got a free chicken sandwich.

Seven-Eleven: received a free 8oz slurpie just because it was July 11th (7/11).

Lido Pizza by way of the Damascus Volunteer Fire Department: supplied plenty of slices for those of us who were volunteering at their open house.

Cheeburger, Cheeburger by way of the Reiches and the Boigs: As part of the great burger challenge, I successfully polished off a burger of their creation (1lb of meat, bun, portabella mushrooms, relish, onion, jalapeño peppers, tobacco sauce, peanut butter, blue cheese, guacamole, whipped cream, and grenadine). Kicker here: I finished it before Santiago or Jason got through their untopped 1/3 pounders! Take that GI track!

McDonalds: for their delicious McCafe caramel mocha this morning as part of their "Free Mocha Mondays" promotion.

Porn Bailout and Wuv’s Hamburgers

Bom chicka bom bomm...while these two topics seemingly have nothing to do with one another I will prove that again they do even if they are simply topics for today’s posting.

First it was AIG, then the government sent money to help GM, now it’s time for “Bailouts Gone Wild” as everybody’s favorite low-life, Joe Francis and Hustler Magazine’s Larry Flynt are knocking on Congress’ door seeking money for a “Porn Bailout.” You can read more about all the details here, but what I’m really interested in, is will Congress go for this?

Well why the hell not? Forget the banking and auto industries, if there’s one place that we’re loosing American jobs (many in Southern California) to overseas competition is the PORN industry. Have you noticed how many “models” are now from Europe and Asia? It seems every time I log into HotHornyAmericanBabes.com* more and more of Eastern Europe’s slutiest looking women are being sent to my inbox with captions like “Hi, I’m Amber from Iowa” or “Hey There Sailor, this is Katie from Oregon”. This has to stop! No not the delivery of naked women to my inbox, are you crazy!

What has to stop is the loss of the American Porn Industry. Flynt brought us the “dirty” side of naked women and to this day we still love it. Francis showed us that every city has a huge segment of the population that will show their boobs if you give her a few shots of tequila and a free T-shirt. These are the people and the jobs that we need to save. Without a functioning porn industry where will the bulk of the male (and some female) American workforce go to blow off steam when they come home after a hard day at work (or looking for work)? They’re not going to the bank and they’re not going to buy a car...they’re going to grab their ECHM and double click for porn, porn, porn!

Anybody reading this remember Wuv’s Hamburgers? I thought of this today and I’m not sure why. Wuv’s was a fast food chain based out of Ft. Lauderdale, FL in the late 1970’s and went bankrupt in 1981. However, I think some of the stores stayed open independently for a few years later. I remember one of these on Route 17 in Ramsey, NJ when I was a young boy. They had some good food as I remember.
*Not actually sure this is a real website. Bloggerman loves his wife and never looks at Porn. He does however occasionally look at his dog lying in bed.

ARGH....Me Ship Has Gone to the Dogs

Ok I don’t own a ship....we all know that. But today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day so I feel that we at least owe it some pub.

But speaking of dogs I want to share two items for you:

1) a cute cartoon I came across today.

2) Some advice from Miss Manners:

Dear Miss Manners:

I raise guide dogs and I love it. We talk to the public and educate many on the kind of work the dogs do.

While I love talking to people about our precious puppies, I do not know how to respond when someone comes up in a high-pitched voice and says -- no, squeals -- "Oh my gosh, what a cute puppy. How old are you? What's your name?"

While I realize the sight of a dog is quite rare, I mean, so few people ever get to see one, how should I respond?

I usually just say, "Oh, this is Fido and he is 10 months old," but I would really like to let them know that they are quite possibly the most irritating people on the face of the planet. Should I say something sarcastic like "Oh, sorry, I haven't taught him to speak English yet"? Any help would be appreciated.

Dear [Writer] Some crucial advice:

Do not have a baby. Do not ever even be seen with anyone else's baby. People talk baby talk to babies. No doubt this is because they have never seen one before.

Or possibly it is just that many people go all soft when they see a creature that is young and cute. Miss Manners considers that nature's way of protecting life before it is toilet-trained.

So please do not snarl at your puppies' admirers. In addition to being rude, it sets them a bad example.

If you get tired of answering for them, she will allow you to say (if you can keep the sarcasm out of your voice), "Fido! The lady asked you a question!"

3) another cute picture of the Mooks:

Get That Man a Collar, Cruiser Envy, and WTF???

Get Bloggerman a tick collar, stat (what does “stat” stand for btw??)! Get me one now! So after a nice, but hot, run from G-burg to Olney on Sunday morning, I felt something on my leg and looked down to see a nice tick trying to get a free meal. You know how I feel about giving anything away for free…I’m certainly not in the “for it” camp. Strangely though I’m in that camp for the “getting something for free”…..hummm. But I digress. So I scratch that little blood sucker off and continue to wait in line (bagel store). Ten minutes later, we’re in the car headed home (yes it was a run out and drive back kind of day) and I felt the bugger again on my leg and again I knocked it off. Not a minute later I felt him/her/it again and this time took a napkin and pulled it off. I’m not showing any signs of lyme disease yet.

I don’t know if any of you have ever been bitten by a tick or have pets that have had that pleasure but here are some instructions on how NOT to remove them:

Crushing or irritating the tick (by heat or chemicals) should be avoided,
because these methods may cause it to regurgitate its stomach contents into
the skin, increasing the possibility of infection of the host.

A point here to one loyal reader of this space who suggested we BURN them off of our dog when she first got one. Yeah not a good idea to light a match around something with all that hair... forget the regurgitation part! We still love you even though you want us to burn our pup-a-lup to ashes ;-)

On to topic # 2. Do cops get jealous of other cops over the squad cars/police cruisers they are assigned to drive? Mrs. Blogger and I had this debate (of course I started it) in the car the other day and I want to bring it to a larger audience.

Does Cop #1 who gets assigned a crappy beat up old cruiser get jealous when Cop # 2 gets to drive a brand new Charger? I mean if they are both on the force for the same amount of time, I can see one getting really upset! Not sure and wanting answers I took it to the streets and stopped two members of the hard working Montgomery County PD who were “working hard” directing traffic by one of the mega churches in my area. They didn’t seem to think it was a big deal that one of them had a new Charger and the other a Crown Vic. Well I think it is and I want to see them fight it out with Tasers! Just don’t taser me bro!

Lastly today, weird looking dude doing some weird stuff in Cincinnati. The douchewaffle pictured here is Dwight Parnell. He was arrested for spraying water from a syringe onto a woman’s shoe at the University of Cincinnati library. I don’t even know where to begin on this one. On one hand does he get off on this stuff? If so I can’t fault him because we all are freaks in our own right (My dog is looking might good some nights….kidding….or is I??). Is he mentally ill? To do something like this you kind of want to lean that way; in which case you can’t be mad at him. All you can do is shake your head and make sure he gets “help.” But the one thing you CAN say about him is that he should be locked up based solely on this mug shot. If you saw this guy walking down the street, you’d better have the sense to up and run the other way….talk about the bug eyes!

That is all….now go home!

New Beer in the Fridge and Dogs at the Park

Surprisingly enough not the “hot” variety although with a lack of shade Hunter and the Mooks were fairly warm. They kept cool with water and shade under our seats as well as with walks every inning or so into the concessions area.

This past Sunday we took the two mutts down to “Dog Days” at a local minor league park. Mooks of course made friends right away with one of the visiting team’s pitchers who even gave her a ball which quickly found it’s way into her jaws!

Surprisingly all the fans were really good about the dogs being down in the field box with us and they all looked after them when we got a bit overwhelmed.

Photo ops abounded as you can see from our little collage, as we found time with each other, other pooches, the mascot (Uncle Slam) and even Hunter with the Hooter’s Girls! He has been spending way too much time with Crazy Uncle Bloggerman and his Daddy!

By the end of the day the excitement, heat, and car ride was enough to put both puppies out for the better part of the evening. This lead to a nice dinner with our friends and their relations who had stopped by. At said dinner we got to try the newest product from the Budweiser family, Bud Light Lime. It’s billed as BL with a touch of lime.

Before you say “Ewww!”, think of a Corona without tasting like Corona (ass). It’s smooth, cool, easy drinking, and went great with the Mexican/Salvadorian fiesta we enjoyed that evening. With this said, I only recommend BLL during summer months as it may be too light during the winter.

This is Bloggerman and this has been your beer review.

POTUS, Pets, and Passports

We should have seen this coming. Eight years ago when Bush and Gore were vying for the Presidency, we should have seen this coming. We should have known that every cravat of their lives and those of every other candidate in the future would be probe, prodded, licked, and sucked until a good story comes of it.

The latest comes as a report from the State Department yesterday that Barrak Obama’s passport file was “looked” at three different times by three different people over the last few months. The bulk of the story can be read in the Washington Post, and I really don’t want to delve into the facts too much, but rather I want to focus on what was gleaned from his records.

I don’t know what would be in my “passport file” other then the basics (name, address, dob, ssn, etc.) and the places I’ve traveled. I wonder if Senator Obama has been to the Bahamas or Fiji anytime recently, or if he took a quick jaunt up to Canada last summer to get some R&R?

Really I could care less! What I want to know is do Obama or McCain have pets? I exclude Hillary from this because we know about Socks the Cat (is he still alive?) and Bill’s dog, Buddy. But do Barak and John have pets? Are they pets that are representative of the leader of the free world? I wish somebody had asked this of Bush before the election in 2000.

Even though there are a good amount of Americans (a little over 50%) of them who think that Bush really didn’t win the election of 2000, I think that it wouldn’t have been as close as it was if voters knew and thought about Bush’s choice in pets. A small fu-fu dog (“dinner” as the Mooks likes to call them) is not a pet for a president who so closely resembles Yosemite Sam. Surely Karl Rove or another advisor would have seen this coming…Bush walking solemnly on the West Lawn of the White House with this small ball of hair in tow. I don’t want to go to the other end and say he should have a German Sheppard or a Pit Bull, but certainly a Retriever or Boxer or something would be better.

To close, if we are going to evaluate every word the candidates speak, analyze every person they’ve ever met at a cocktail party, and dig for every bit of dirt that might make a good headline and sell a few more papers, then we should also take the time to evaluate their pets and make sure they properly represent the good ole’ US of A.

One Year with our Dog

I wanted to commemorate the Mooks one year anniversary at her place of residence. When we went to the adoption fair last March, we had no idea she would have become a part (indispensable at that) of our lives.

When we went down to look at “Maggie” and had such a negative experience with her, we figured we were going to go away empty handed and go back to the internet to look at new family members, but in the next crate was that blue-eyed beauty, “Obi”.

Fast forward one year, a new sofa, and loads of stuffed animals (some still with their heads intact) and we couldn’t imagine life without her.

I do want to complain that as of late I haven’t been able to sleep with my legs straight out as she has taken to curling up in a ball at roughly knee-height forcing me to also curl up into a ball. Good for a 41 pound dog, not good for a 164 pound human.

Oh that reminds me…down to 164 (22 total weight loss since starting the “plan” and 32 since Mrs. Blogger started).

Mooks is a Wonkette

I had two theories proven correct Monday night.

1) The President has zero charisma and even less intellect. Anybody with a lick of common sense and memory that spans longer then lunch might think, based on earlier phonic challenges, that the word “nuclear” might have been scratched out of the State of the Union. Perhaps we could have replaced it with something else. How about every time the word was in the speech, Bush would press a button and the proper pronunciation would come over the PA system. Maybe James Earl Jones could read it. Or what about having a flash card with “NUCLEAR” on it and every time he came to talk about the “evil doers” he would hold the card up.

2) My dog is clearly not interested in the state of our union. Eyewitness reports tell us that she was full of not only vim but also vigor when the broadcast began the other night. However, within ten minutes of the words “…my fellow Americans…” she was out cold (and snoring). Clearly she is more then content with the state of “her” union: A full bowl of food in every kitchen, a bumper crop of stuffed toys, and a warm bed for every American Dog!

Run Woman Run! And Rachel Rocks my World

This weekend brought the completion of the Wife's "Couch to 5K" running program. We went out to Fairfax for the Valvoline (that's right Dave) Galloping Goblin 5K. The Mooks was a little pissed that we didn't take her with us, especially after she smelled our running clothes. We'll get her next time.

Race day weather was crisp and a little windy but with plenty of sunshine. After grabbing our packets we raced back into the car to stay warm for a little bit.

BOOM...the gun goes off and we take off. I won't go into the detail of my day except to say that I think I set a PR (personal record) time of 24:55. Today was about the Wife. She did great! After I finished I went back on to the course and found her about 1/10 of a mile from the finish line. I was able to catch up to her and she pushed me hard back to the finish line. When everything was settled (and she got some water and food) she outran her normal pace by almost 15 seconds per mile!!

I want to let you all know of how proud I am of her. She not only started to run (something we now have in common) but she really committed herself to this goal and isn't stopping either. We have races scheduled for the next two weeks and another on Thanksgiving.

Run Woman Run!!!

Also a quick shout out to Rachel up in NYC for helping me out the other day. You know what you did! Also it's about the Breck...no matter what you say!

She's a Scrapper, ORiley Likes The Brothers, and How do I get on the Field and Beat Willie Randolph Sensless

See this is what happens when I go away for a few days (well I didn't go anywhere, just didn't post). All h-e-double hockey sticks breaks loose and now I have to catch you up and complain about it.

1) My dog is a scrapper. She's like Rocky Balboa, she gets hit on the nose a lot, busts an eye and then decides to start fighting. So we're jogging the other night and we run into another dog about her size and her owner. I ask the owner if they can meet and we both agree on it. The two dogs are getting along great just sitting next to each other staring at traffic for almost 2 minutes straight. Then they start to "circle" and the next thing you know I need a ring girl to tell me what round it is! The judges ruled it a "split decision" although the only apparent split was the cut on my Pup-a-lup's eye. Took her to the fight doctor today (vet) who ruled her eligible for the rematch which was good to hear.

2) Bill O'Riely evidently likes soul food but is surprised that blacks can run a restaurant in Harlem. Read it here. Of course he decides to share this with his audience, which includes my favorite quote:

I couldn’t get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia’s restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it’s run by blacks, primarily black patronship.

Perhaps he was waiting for the rap music to come on and everybody in the dining room to break into an impromptu Humpty Dance making the place look like a scene from the Black Drew Carey Show.

But perhaps the biggest pisser for me is that he is trying to apologize for his comments. Why? He's a racist and a bigot but so is Rush Limbaugh and he's never apologized because he (like O'Riley and even Imus) never said anything that was illegal. If you don't like their opinions, don't listen to their shows. But no, he had to try apologizing. Now we have to see Fat Al Sharpton and his Insta-Perm on TV (you need a wide screen to fit his head) for the next week and a half decrying how blacks are mistreated my the racist media and how they never get a fair shake.

Maybe if fat Al (not to be confused with Fat Al Gore) would shut HIS trap and not make everything said by obvious jerkoffs like O'Riley into the return to slavery, the black community could voice their own opinion and we could all really learn how they feel and not how their "self proclaimed" representatives feel about the matter.

Ugh!

Oh yeah 3) Willie Randolph, at what point are you planing on getting your team fired up? Does your shoulder still hurt? Is that why you haven't gone out to argue a close call or a ball/strike call...calling the umpire Crash Davis' favorite term for the men in blue and getting tossed, while in the process firing up your ball club? Or are you waiting for them to finish the collapse they started last month and not get into the playoffs. That way you can rehab your shoulder on the golf course. Shhh...don't tell Fat Al....he might protest me saying that I'm a racist because the idiot manager of my favorite ball club is a chump (I said "chump"...stop it!)

By the way I'm taking back the "term" P-Monks-4-Life!!! (just saw Clerks 2)