They're Funny Because They're Different

The illegal immigration zealots and Florida neighborhood watch officers have this thing all wrong. People from other countries are integral to our culture and society.

Specially they are responsible for much of our gut-busting, smile-inducing, health-improving laughter. We don't need a Federal health care law, we need more funny foreign people.

For almost 200 years of our country's history we have been laughing at immigrants and foreigners behind their backs. We gave Native Americans some "firewater" and laugh for hours as they stumbled around and then signed fake treaties that we just ignored (and laughed at some more) later. We love to point out how our Chinese friends serve delicious chop cats...err suey and sound really funny when singing "Deck the Halls". Oh and don't forget those crazy Canadians with their hockey, root beer, and those "eh"s. Ha those are funny. Even a quick trip down to Branson (a funny joke in and of itself) let's us see 1980s funny man Yakov Smirnoff. We took pleasure laughing at him on one of his many Night Court appearances. In mother Russia, fork in road takes you!

I bring this topic up because know a days we don't need to laugh behind their backs or even let them into the country and feed them liquor or give them prime time tv specials or numbered combo meals (with egg roll). All we have to do now is to turn on our Google machine and our comedy (like this blog) get delivered right to our eyeballs. Today we make stops in Ireland and Kuwait, two locations we've been laughing at for years.

First in Ireland, Sinn Féin councilor Anne Brolly a number of weeks ago, floated the possibility of "O' Danny Boy", the world famous song, actually being played on a daily basis at noon in Limavady, Ireland (about an hour and a half from Belfast) and appears to be gaining momentum at official level. The music for the song was collected by Jane Ross from Limavady and published in 1855 in ‘The Ancient Music of Ireland.’ Brolly wanted the song blasted out from loudspeakers around town (similar to a church bell ringing at the top of the hour). We have some stupid politicians here in America (see Anthony Weiner, Eric Cantor, et al) but I don't think anybody has ever come up with something this dumb. Obviously much of the Limavady public have rejected the idea as “nonsense” and a “silly idea”. But the bill has not died a horrible death yet. Why? Because if it did, how would we make fun of the Irish. What with their general drunkenness and their shamrocks and Lucky Charms cereal it's a cake walk. This is just icing on the green cupcakes. Just think if a state legislator in Sylvester, Georgia decided that Ray Charles should be blasted out everyday around lunchtime to build some community pride. Or maybe we can play some Kinky Friedman up in Rapid City, South Dakota(er) every day at 4pm to let people know the mail is here?

Speaking of crappy music blasting out of loud speakers, Maria Dmitrienko won a gold medal for Kazakhstan on Thursday at the Arab Shooting Championships in Kuwait, but during the award ceremony the public address system broadcast the spoof anthem from the 2006 movie Borat, which offended many Kazakhs by portraying the country as backward and degenerate. Surprisingly The Onion didn't break this story. It's hard to find something funny to say that tops the actual act described, but I'll give it a shot: The joke is really on the Kazakhs who ARE backward degenerates.

If you are desperately seeking the video of this wonderful diplomatic event...it's below:

Bzzzzz Uzzzzz Vzzzzz

Oh Kazoo, how we love you! Your cheap, Chinese, (probably) lead-based plastic conforms so perfectly to my lips.

All have to do to make you sing your slightly ear-piercing sound is to "put my lips together and blow" (apologies to Lauren Bacall for not doing justice to her line.) Believe it or not this musical interlude is going somewhere.

Saturday's was National Kazoo Day. According to our friends over on Adult Swim, we are celebrating 161 years of fun. But before this turns into another meaningless "day" celebration (see Big Wind Day) I want you to the. Kent how great the kazoo is.

Besides lending its name to Fred Flintstone's floating alien friend, the kazoo has been the instrument of choice in the goodie bags at kids birthdays for years. Think about how much Mommy and Daddy would have to shell out to put a trombone in each kids bag. That doesn't even taken into effect the extra money for bags big enough to hold that and don't forget about the broken car windows as little Timmy tries the slide out on the ride back home.

For some, the particular pitch of the kazoo is too much to take. To those people I saying could always be worse, need I reminds you of the vuvuzela from the last World Cup? Plus if you really don't like the sound, you can shove a kazoo down a kids thread without causing massive internal injuries. And isn't that what it's really all about?

To close out today's post I'd like to share with you some of my favorite kazoo playing by Little Jewford who along with Kinky Freidman bring you "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed".

For a Good Time Call Jenny

Or Paco is a queer. Take your pick. I’m not sure I understand (or ever did for that matter) why people take the time to write on a bathroom or portajohn wall. What are you hoping to accomplish? Do you really think you’re going to get back at your ex-girlfriend Jenny by putting her number up there? Maybe while I’m sitting, figuring out my life I’ll give her a call and really see if there’s a “good time” to be had.
Of course not! Much in the same way that I could care less if Johnny is gay or the 34th Street Vatos are the toughest gang around.

I could see a time, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, before we had mobile email and text messaging when a person was (to borrow a Kinky Friedman phrase) “hung up on the pot” and needed to take down an important phone number or a message. A pen and a blank wall just felt right. But now? Why would you even write that stuff about Jenny or Johnny when you could Tweet it or post it on Facebook and get even more coverage then the space just above the toilet paper dispenser?

It seems to me that you’re not using the best possible medium for your message. For example, in the Men’s room, even after their morning coffee and bran muffin, you’re still looking at less than 50% of the people coming in to that room are going to the crapper. And of that group a good percentage are reading their blackberry or today’s paper. So at best you’re hitting 20% of everybody coming into the room. And I haven’t even touched on message retention. That will drop your numbers even farther.

Next time you may be better off just buying space behind home plate during the World Series.

Vote for Him! Now!

Are you tired of the Dems and the GOP blabbing about "change"? Are you tired of trying all those do-nothing, only in it for themselves candidates for office? Are you tried of diet plans that never work? Well do I have something and somebody for you! Get behind the Silver (-Haired) Eagle Express (and as Kinky says "ride it to the last town on the line"). He's my FinL and he's running for president!

Read all about it here!