Old Testaments and New Revelations

To borrow a title from Kinky Friedman. Actually today’s topic really should be “New Testaments and Old Revelations.” However, that would require an argument on the topic of semantics and we all know that is something I’m not interested in getting into (along with arguments over “facts”, “truths” or “absolutes”).

Our New Testament is actually a New Arrival. Last night the Santiago and Elizabeth welcomed little Alex into this world. Forget that he wasn’t due for another month or so, Alex is a kid who looks at the “system” and says, “Nah, I’m gonna stick it to the Man!” Actually he stuck it to the woman in this case. Liz pulled through like a trooper and Santiago has yet to faint (although it was touch and go there for a while). Alex weighed in at just under 4 lbs which is just a few ounces heaver then the I-elizabeth which was the only thing to suffer last night as it ran out of power. Sources in the hospital (who wish not to be identified because they are not authorized to speak on the matter) tell NLAJ that there are no balloons currently on site but some are on the way today because “balloons make the party.” We wish all of the clan a very speedy recovery and hope to get some pictures up here soon.

The Old Revelation is that on Friday I officially hit “lifetime” status on my Weight Watchers diet plan. I hit my goal weight 6 weeks ago and kept it off during the maintenance period. So now, and this is the best part, the program is free! Yep that’s right free. Forget the fact that I’ve lost about 40lbs since the end of October 2007. Forget the fact that I feel great, look great, and smell great (well sorta). This stuff is free! It doesn’t get better then that!

Wheeled Bags, Menace or Deathtrap? I've Decided

From time to time something I observe aggravates me to the point that I feel compelled to come into this forum and tell you about it. Heck that happens every day with everything in my life but two things today really got under my skin so here we go.

The first item on my hit list is roller bags. These are either in briefcase or backpack form and have two to four wheels and a telescoping arm/handle. The people you see wheeling these things around are in reality too lazy or too infirmed to be allowed to carry anything, anytime, anywhere. It really grinds my gears (shout out to Family Guy fame) when I have to avoid them (as I did way too many times today) on the Metro.

This morning as all 400 of my closest friends tried to cram into one set of doors in a new land speed record, one woman in the middle of the pack had the aforementioned bag in her possession and was trying to roll it over people’s feet so that she could get a spot on the train (which was empty when it pulled into the station). I finally got so annoyed at waiting for her to find an opening that as she wheeled it on to the train; I grabbed at the back and lifted it onto the car for her. Similarly, when I exited to the train today there was another man with a similar bag (this time a backpack on wheels) who also felt he wasn’t quite in possession of the strength to lift his bag and we had to wait for him to gingerly roll it onto the escalator.

Listen up people, if you can’t carry your bag for a few moments as you go thru crowded doorways, up or down escalators, or other crowded thoroughfares then leave them at home. Take a small brown bag for your lunch and leave the computer at the office. What in G-d’s green earth are you hauling in there that could be so heavy? Even laptops from the early 1990’s only weigh in at ten pounds. Are you so week of bone that you can’t manage to carry that for the few feet that would save the rest of us from having our’s run over? The next time I see you I will lift up the bag, remove the wheels and then watch as you “slide” it around!!

The second item on my list is my Fantasy Football team. I am playing this season in a work league through ESPN.com and a recreational league through NFL.com. My NFL league is going fine and I just advanced into the championship game next week. However my ESPN league is not as well. I had a chance to participate in the playoffs as the #3 ranked team in the league (playing the #2 team). And this past week, which ended with last night’s MNF game, I lost my one measly, little point! Can you believe that? One POINT! If I swapped either of my two RBs on the bench for Rudi Johnson (who could only manage 10+ yards against the San Fran defense!!!!!) I could have won! I would have won and advanced into the championship in both leagues. I want to grab Mr. Johnson by the neck (yes I know he’d probably kick my ass but that’s not what’s important now) and ask him why he screwed me so bad.

Ok now back to your regularly scheduled programming. This reminds me that it’s been a while since you’ve had an update on my ever shrinking waistline. Well after an “OK” week I’m down a total of 15.2 pounds in just under 8 weeks. Yeah Me.

Nobody to Vote for and Revenge (US Postal style)

How is it possible that on my first election day as an eligible voter in the state of Maryland there's nothing to vote for? I don't mean that there's a bunch of unworthy and ungrateful candidates and a slew of ballot initiatives that are only going to add to my tax bill. I mean there are NO anything. I have no national elected races, no state races, not even an stinking local race for dog catcher (that would be a fun position to hold though!). I'm sitting here when I should be out at the polls because there is literally NOTHING to vote on today in my district. (A note here should be made wishing Ryan Spegal the best of luck in the Gaithersburg city council race tonight).

I should admit that this development isn't all bad. There are a slew of races (I used slew twice in once post...it's going to be a tag!) in Virginia that are bringing out all the slime that is associated with politics especially the campaign ads. The best one I saw (and I can't for the life of me remember this guy's name) was for a state Senate seat. The candidate is an older guy and they have him dressed in a circa 1973 sweat suit hitting a speed bag which is dusted in talc so every time he hits it, a puff of smoke comes off. The juxt of the ad is that he is "fighting" for his constituents, but the best part is the end when they show him running up the steps of the State House in Richmond as if he were Rocky Balboa. I swear he looked like he was going to keel over dead if they made him do it again. I have a special prize to the first person that can tell me who the candidate is and send me a link to the video!!!

On to going POSTAL, or rather using the US Postal Service to help me get revenge on the advertisers. Yesterday I posted (shame on you if you have to click the link because you didn't already read it!) about Andy Rooney's tips for getting back at telemarketers and junk mailers. Well today I got three in the mail and tomorrow I'm sending three out. Southwest's Visa card department is getting a coupon for a free gallon of milk if they buy any 4 varieties of General Mills cereals (conditions apply), Omaha Steaks is getting a free sample of Glide dental floss (now with the freshening power of Scope) and State Farm is getting a coupon of some sort from Popeye's chicken (frankly it was an hour ago and I don't remember what it's for). The bottom line is that I was feeling stressed and under the weather when I got home but now I feel great and it's all thanks to fat Andy Rooney.

Speaking of fat, I'm still waisting away. Down another 2.0 pounds this week for a total of 6.4 pounds. I've done away with the picture that accompanies this news because of various complaints that it looked like crap. You're right it did so now it's gone. If only getting rid of a certain blogger that you love to hate were that easy.

So Cute Baby Is and a I'm Melting away

Yes I do know it's Saturday, but I just saw this picture and had to share. This is Sierra of the Virginia Rossmans in her stunningly charming Yoda costume. The force is strong with this one.

That reminds me...those of you with kids, send me their costume pics and I'll post them the day after Halloween.

I also wanted to let you know that the Wife's amazing and powerfull transformation on the WW has inspired me to get on the program myself. I weighed in for the first time last week and just wrapped up my first full week on the program. The official number is 182.2 lbs (down from 186.6). Each week I'll post the total (up or down) for the week as well as the total overall loss.