Me No Understand Barry Son

Mister Barry son, you most honorable council member. But you no talk bad about Asian businesses in Ward 8. We no dirty. We wash all hands before frying catfish and pouring alcohol. Hands no dirty.

You no like us Asian people? You want see black people working in extra special Chinese restaurant? How they understand what chef say?

No apologize, it too late. We read paper too! We also Twitter. You say we dirty business no good for neighborhood. But we work hard. You no do your job. You not keep crime off streets. Bullet-proof glass have to be installed very expensive. Children have to work in restaurant to afford. Also, you no fix schools. Private school for children extra. Work even harder.

We think you make Ward dirty. You no clean up street. You no pay job training. You no even pay taxes. What you do all day? You lazy man.

But we no choice have. We need money for school and safety so we need continue work. Plus people vote you. I no understand why. You pay people to vote? You give jobs?

Tell about #3 combo plate. We make shrimp and chicken wing fried. $3.99. Bitch no set you up.

An Open Letter to the Voters of Ward 8

It’s good to see that you're doing well. Actually what I should have said is that it’s good to see your staying active in the political process

I know we can’t win them all but do you ever doubt your choices: Marion Barry, Linda Cropp, Marion Barry, Marion Barry, Marion Barry? Did I say Marion Barry yet? Maybe you should just stick to picking they candidate you don't want to win, or the one who will never help you or your causes no matter how much they promise.

You know, with a track record like that you could always pick other stuff. What about a betting service where you always pick the team playing the Mets or picking the most horse with the best odds or always picking black at the roulette table. The way I see it I could win a lot of money betting against you. I’d of course promise to give you some or build a supermarket in your neighborhood, which of course you’ll never see.

Do you wonder why you are so poor? Why so much crime plagues your community? Perhaps all these politicians you lovingly endorse are the ones screwing you? I don’t know that for sure but it sure does make some sense if you connect the dots.

Now you’ve decided to throw your immense weight (and judging by your footprints it’s not all political) behind Vincent Gray in the race for DC Mayor. I get it. I mean why support Adrian Fenty...he only has been benefiting the entire city with his programs. Your schools are better because of his chancellor. The same chancellor that Gray has been trying to get rid of since she was hired. He has lowered crime more and more each year (except for your kids who are running wild...great parenting over there). Oh and he’s continued the job of his predecessor, Anthony Williams, in making DC a place where tourists want to spend their dollars. Gray...yeah not so much, but he does have a high stack of unpaid parking tickets.

Yep good luck with Gray. I’m sure your luck will turn on this one.

27 Hours-2 Vans-200 Miles-12 Tired Monkeys

The race is over, I managed to catch up on some sleep, and most of the scaring has faded. All-in-all it was an amazing weekend and certainly an experience I won't soon forget.

Ragnar-The DC edition- took us 199.3 miles from Cumberland, MD to RFK stadium in DC. Posing as the mild-mannered Captain Awesome, I along with my "Big Bag of Monkeys" completed the race in 27 hrs and 33 min.

The race was a 36-leg relay with each team member running 3 of those legs. You can visit the Ragnar DC site to see the course maps. Each team was broken up in two vans (runners 1-6 and 7-12).

The morning for me started early at home with some team captain-y work on the computer nailing down some final logistics. I met the vans, who came up from Virginia, near my place and we packed them tight with decorations, running gear, and enough food to feed several refugee camps for the next 46 years.

After a few potty breaks we arrived in Cumberland and got busy checking in and getting the vans decorated. As you can see from the photos, it looked like a glorified homecoming float, complete with a 6 ft inflatable monkey tied to the back of each van!

At just after 1pm, Sonia took off from the starting line and Captain Awesome and His Big Bag of Monkeys were on our way.

Since I was part of Van 2 (the best one out there IMHO), we were not allowed to park at the exchange points that the Van 1 was using. We found ways around that though and with a few exceptions, and once parking on Department of Homeland Security land, we managed to catch most of the handoffs and even saw some of the runners in the middle of their legs.

As the sun began its decent for Friday evening our Van was getting ready to begin our legs. First up was Jimm and his sick 800+ ft climb into Berkley Springs, WV (oh we also saw Paw Paw, WV which is a real treat...I must remember to add that place to my "never go there alone" list of destinations). Evan took over from there and headed out 40 to the next exchange.

After taking a small wrong turn and getting on I-68, Van 2 found are way and dropped me off for my first leg, a 10.3 mile (the longest single leg of the race) jaunt down a bike path that followed I-68. The path was quite beautiful, I imagine, only I couldn't see that much of it as it was 830pm and the only thing illuminating was the small LED headlamp I was sporting. It was actually very surreal. I was able to judge about 10-15 ft ahead of me at any time but my peripheral vision was completely dark. I think I know what those Clydesdale's with the blinders feel like now. Actually the dark wasn't so bad, but what made this particularly tough was that there really weren't any other runners around. I got passed by one guy and saw his flashing "taillight" in the distance but that was about it for 6 miles. I did manage to catch up to another runner at that point and we hung together to finish the leg. Marianne who other then the use of her Rite-Aide hand sanitizer is the best, greeted me with a cold PBR and one leg was in the books.

We finished the rest of our first legs and handed the baton back to Van 1 at the Hagerstown Speedway. Unfortunately our last runner, James, was the victim of a produce assault when he was hit by a pear thrown from a moving car. Luckily he was ok and continued on. When we arrived, we flopped down with one of our awesome volunteers, Britney, for some well earned s'mores over a charcoal pit fire.

After some debating back and forth we decided to head to the next major exchange point and get a little rest. The exchange point was at a church in Boonsboro, MD and the people working there couldn't have been nicer. They had indoor bathrooms, chicken dinner (we skipped this as it was now 1230 am), and hot coffee. We parked the van with about 70 or so other teams and tried to catch a little sleep. This is where I should point out that the drivers seat of a 12-persin van is not the most comfortable place to get some Z's. What's worse is when you use an inflatable monkey as a pillow. 45 minutes into my sleep I got the call from Van 1 that we were running ahead of time so Jimm had to get up and ready to run his next leg through Funkstown (really disappointed I didn't get a picture here).

After another giant mountain climb for him went well except for the few minutes he got lost. Evan took over and battled up a hill of his own then handed off to me for a downhill 5k stretch into Frederick. 22 minutes and 9 seconds later I handed off to Stig (Christina) and had a new PR to add to my list.

After she took off we were warned by the course wardens that there had been some "sketchy" characters walking around Frederick and we should be alert. Well we checked in on Stig mid run and she was ok but wanted to help Marianne too so I grabbed Jimm's bike and rode with her on her 5 mile trip to Liberty. It was a great run as we saw the sun rise over the farms and almost got run off the road a few times by semis barreling down the road at 55mph.

After James wrapped up his leg we headed into Germantown to get some 630am bagels (this is pronounced with a "hard A" not a "eh" sound for the reference of that van who couldn't pronounce it right!) I introduced a bunch of southerners to what a NY Bagel should taste like. Well ok they were from Northern Virginia and DC but still...they have every right to know a good bagel from a Lenders bagel. We met up with Van 1 and got ready to finish our last legs.

Our first leg (Jimm) went right through our neighborhood so the wife and dog met us and then continued to follow us through the rest of the race. Having Mooks there gave us a bit of a lift which complemented the shot of 5-Hour Energy I popped earlier. I have to think that might have been the key to me flying through my final 7-mile leg. It might have been nice to have some better directional signage as I ran through the Rock Creek Trail in Rockville, Bethesda, and Kensington. Luckily I knew where I was going...I can’t say the same for the 5 other runners I passed.

The rain held off all race until the last three legs. Unfortunately that meant Stig, Marianne, and James got drenched. But before too long, James came bounding around the corner of RFK stadium where we all met him, (with Matt in the Banana Suit and Andreas with the giant inflatable Monkey). We crossed the finish line in a steady downpour. We were wet, tired, sore but Kate’s boyfriend brining us Valentino’s Pizza somehow made it all better.

This was truly an adventure and we are excited to have gone though it. Jimm is working on cutting the team video which I’ll post here along with more pictures in the coming days. Now to catch up on some sleep.

How Saving a Buck Can Cost $37

What do you get when you cross a notorious tight wad with an un-metered parking spot in DC?

Yep, It’s Me.

You see fine readers, instead of just parking in a lot this morning when I got in at 6am (which would have only run me $13 for the day) I thought, “hey if I have to pay for parking at the game tonight anyway, I should try to find one of my ‘secret’ spots on the street to save a few bucks”.

Well I found a great one. Right on the corner of Pennsylvania Ave and 18th Street, NW. 2-Hour parking (unmetered) from 7am-6pm. So I left the car at 6am and went for a run, shower, and then came back to toss my bag in the back before heading over to Starbucks for a free pastry today.

Upon my return I actually noticed two papers folded under the wiper blade. Low-and-behold, one of DC’s Finest had tagged me for two violations in less then 3 minutes. Ticket #1 was at 619am for being too close to an intersection and Ticket #2 was at 622am for obstructing a cross walk. Over $70 in fines right there.

But wait....These pictures (thanks for the cam phone Les) show another story.
The spot was perfectly legal and I was actually not in the crosswalk (I was less then 25 feet from the intersection but so were the other two cars behind me who were also in legal spots and not ticketed).

So off to the office I went and quickly merged pictures and words into a contesting my tickets form and then off to the fine people working in DC’s Traffic Adjudication Office. Here’s where the costs start. The fee to mail the letter, certify it’s delivery, and get signature confirmation (not taking any chances that they “lost” it) runs $6.

I head back to the office and come back around 12pm to check on the car. Sitting right there on the windshield is another ticket for “staying in spot over stated time period” i.e: I was there more then two hours. The kicker here: according to the ticket, it was the same officer who tagged me at 6am....what a day. Cost: $25

Jumping in the car and circling the area around my office I found a metered spot and popped the car in there. After feeding the meter twice I’m now set until the end of my work day. Cost: $6

Total Cost to Park at Work: $37 (assuming my earlier fines are cleared)
Total Cost for a Garage for the Day: $13
Seeing me turn beet red: Priceless!

4:04:59

4:04:59

Thanks to everybody who:

Pushed Me

Trained with Me

Kicked my Butt out of Bed to Run

Etc!

Is it Getting Wamer In Here? and Campaign Love

Thanks to all those fine people who don’t believe in Global Warming I’ve had to suffer for the last few days as we here in DC enjoy our annual “2-3 Hot Days in the Middle of January.” The real challenge here is not the warmer then normal weather outside but what to do inside your office where the heat stays on regardless. I’ve taken to rolling up my sleeves and drinking more water then usual. Others use portable fans or wear clothes that you normal wouldn’t find in the Northeast in the middle of winter.

It is this last item that I want to address in today’s entry. There is nothing wrong with adjusting to the temperature by adjusting your clothing. I would never expect you to where a heavy top coat and wool ski hat when it’s going to be 70 degrees outside, but on the flip side there are things that should NEVER be worn to an office setting. It really doesn’t matter if it’s the winter, summer, spring, fall or other season that isn’t officially recognized by the group of scientists and TV weather personalities that decide these kind of things.

The biggest no-no are flip flops, sandals, or other footwear that is backless and attaches my sliding the toes through an open end of fabric. This morning on the escalator up from the Metro I observed a man wearing faded jeans, brown polo shirt, and ratty brown flip-flops. Did I miss the memo that there was a dress down Tuesday today? I don’t think so and I don’t think this guy should have been allowed into his office today. What kind of thoughts go through your head when your in the closest (where you should have stayed) getting dressed? “Hum, well it will be warmer then usual today. I should wear my flip flops with the grey suit. No wait. That doesn’t match at all…I’ll wear the ratty jeans and polo shirt. Yeah that’s the ticket. My boss will be so impressed that my outfit matches that he’s sure to give me that big raise and promotion!” Dumbass!

The DC Examiner today pointed out a great personal ad on Craigslist today. How appropriate that something like this was posted in this over-hyped, over-worked political season. Now if we can just find somebody for Bill while Hillary is out campaigning? Ladies, any volunteers?

Weekend In New England?

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Professional Black Male Seeks Romantic, Sensual Partner To Accompany Him to New Hampshire for the Weekend While Performing Political Work There!

Don't you want to combine your penchant for political activism with your desire for raging sensuality and passion? Let's trudge through the snow by day, curl up in front of a warm fire in the evening, and then burn up the sheets throughout the night.

Respond if you are adventurous, spontaneous, fit, sensual, have a social conscience, and have a thing for tall, dark, handsome, fit, intelligent, sensual, black men.

This weekend is New Hampshire... South Carolina and Vegas to come...

A Dope and A Dentist

I am writing to alert you regarding two news stories this morning that tickled my fancy. Well to be truthful one tickled the aforementioned fancy and the other one sickened me and further prove that our elected government is dragging our society further into the next realm of Dante’s Inferno (which is different from Disco Inferno.)

Let’s start with the positive; it is the holiday season after all. We begin with the story of Dr. Arthur Nelson, DDS. He is 67 and a dentist in Long Island. He also happens to be a fan of the New York Knickerbockers. Let me rephrase that. He has been a long standing fan of the NY Knicks who was thrown out of a game the other night for having a “printed sign” with him. What was written on the sign that was bad enough to get him thrown out of the game? Did it contain a vulgarity that the 9 year olds in attendance wouldn’t hear on the streets outside of Madison Square Garden after the game? No. Did he hold up a sign that sponsored a company who is in competition with one of the arena, league, or teams’ major corporate partners? Nope. He held up a sign that said “Fire Isiah” (in reference to the Knicks sexually harassing head coach.) Well Mr. Nelson didn’t take this lying down. No way Jose (or Isiah as the case may be). He set up a press conference yesterday in front of the Garden and displayed a 9ft tall “Pink Slip” that he would like James Dollan, head of the Garden who owns the Knicks, to deliver to Isiah Thomas. You can read the whole story here in today’s NY Post

I applaud Dr. Nelson (although I’m not sure I want him working on my teeth). We should all stand up and deliver a similar message to our President and Representatives, especially after reading this story.

The first comes courtesy of our friend Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-La.) It seems the honorable lady from the Bayou has seen it fit to direct over $2 million to DC City schools over the past few years to bolster that city’s failing reading programs. It sounds like Congress has finally realized that the citizens of DC are people too and not just road bumps and obstacles to be avoided on their way to work and when going out for drinks after work. But wait, there’s more. According to an expose in today’s Washington Post, the fine Senator stipulated that those funds have to be used to purchase the Voyager Expanded Learning literacy program. It turns out that Voyager raised quite a bit of money for the Senator (to the tune of over $80,000). What was that you say? Is that a politician directing Federal tax dollars to a specific company while interfering in the District’s education program? Yep. The funny thing is you’d think Senator Landrieu might have directed that money to the New Orleans city school system. Oh I don’t know, they are still reeling in a post-Katrina rebuilding process and I’m sure $2 million would have come in very handy. I would even accept if she directed the same money to DC schools for a “reading program” with no stipulation as to which program/vendor they had to use. We saw Landrieu’s incompetence during the Katrina aftermath and we see it again a lot closer to home. Senator, do me a favor, spend some time teaching reading to kids in the DC schools. You could make a real difference instead of taking money and suckling at the government teat.

An Open Letter to DC Councilman Jim Graham

Dear Councilman Graham,

First loose those stupid glasses. Nobody thinks you look any more intelligent or noble because you choose those frames over contact lenses. In fact they only serve the purpose of making you look the fool even more.

Now that the nice-ites are out of the way lets talk about the latest proposed increase for DC's Metro service in order to close the $173 million budget gap.

You seem to think that us "suburban-ites" are an endless supply of money and have no problem coughing up a few more dollars a day on parking, on and some more to ride the train into your city. All of this while your bus riding constituents don't pay a cent more. Humm....do you see anything wrong with this picture? No? Well I do. I have no problem helping to shoulder the load (even though 90% of it is caused by mismanagement and poor decisions by yourself and others on Metro's Board of Governors) but let's be fair. Look at the following areas and see if the proposed rate increases are really "fair".

1) Your so-called "poor bus riding constituents" already have a rate that is so far subsidized below the US transportation standard for large cities it's disturbing. Metro bus riders pay only $1.25 for any fare in the system (even less if you're a senior or student). By comparison, NYC bus riders pay $2 (oh yeah...their subway which is 20x as large as DC's pay the same $2 fare), Chicago and Atlanta: $1.75, Boston: $1.50. Do you get it yet? I think your constituents could cough up a few more cents?

For the 30 days leading up to October 25, 2007, bus ridership (according to Metro's numbers) was 443,000 riders. Lets say that 75% of them were seniors and students (high number but let's pretend), that means an increase of say $.25 per rider for the full fare crowd would mean an increase of income of: $84, 000 per month. Now let's draw this out for a whole year and we get $1M extra to help close the gap. (I'll keep a running total for you....$173M-$1M = $172M)

2) Instead of raising the parking fees $1.15/day and putting an lopsided burden on those of us who don't live within walking distance of the suburban stations (all of which are outside of DC...I don't think that's a coincidence), only raise it $.25/day. That would bring the parking about to $4.25/day. Metro has about 55,000 spots available. Let's be conservative and say 53,000 of them are full on a regular weekday (if you've ever tried to get to the station after 830am you'd think that they were all full). Using the extra quarter a day would yield $13,250 extra per day. This translates to: $265,000 extra per month and $2.9 million per year(we'll do it by only 220 working days to figure on some holiday and vacation time) (Thats $172M-$2.9M=$169.1M)

3) You are in favor of raising rates for subway riders up to $.30/ride, again putting more of a burden on those of us who have the longest trips in and thus the highest fares (I currently pay $3.90 each way between Shady Grove and Farragut North), yet if you look at the amount per distance it's not even close to "market rate." My trip and many others who pay the "max" breaks down to about $.14/mile (my trip is 28 miles each way). By comparison,NYC riders pay the aforementioned $2/trip between ANY 2 points in the system. That means you can ride the "A" train from 207th street in Harlem to Far Rockway in Queens for $.07/mile. Why not go to that model? While it looks like Metro would loose money on the max fare, they would in fact make quite a bit (actual numbers aren't available) on those riders who go the minimum of $1.35 rush hour fare. Let's be conservative (again) and figure Metro could stand to make $40M-$50M more per year (not even figuring in weekends and holidays. ($169.1M-$50M= $119.1M)

4) Stop holding up the sale of the property around the Takoma station. Today's papers tell about your activity in holding up the sale of property around the station to a developer that would net Metro $4.6M based on fair market value. ($119.1M-$4.6M= $114.5M)

5) Shut off the light when you're done. Unless your press office was asleep on the job you caught the article in the Washington Post on October 8th, "Metro Leaves the Light on For You" Where because of timers installed the lights go on in the building at 5:30am and off at 8:00pm running a total amount of lighting to $1,400/employee per year. Now if they shut off the lights when they came in and shut them off when they left and make the other basic energy saving recommendations in the article Metro could save $4M per year. ($114.5M - $4M = $110.5M)

6) Perhaps you can explain to me why according to Metro's 2008 projected budget numbers you're spending $38M on advertising (with a guaranteed minimum of $35M to your contractor)? Let's try this...you spend $2.5M on advertising, although I'm not sure exactly what you're advertising for...Oh lets ride Metro instead of that other mass transit system in the area (which doesn't exist!) ($110.5M-$35.5M =$75M)

While my above recommendations don't completely close the gap the system is facing it does attempt to make a dent while keeping the burden spread evenly among the various groups using the system. But in closing, I want to give you a few more numbers. My daily commute costs me $11.80 ($3.90 each way on the train round trip and $4 for parking). Your proposal will make that same commute $15.35. For comparison, I can park at a garage downtown for $11/day on and early bird special. My commute at 645am takes about an hour on the train and the same by car. Looks like if your plan goes through, I'm going to drive...just don't cross the street in my path if you catch my drift.

Sincerely,
Me

Is it easier to get around downtown Baghdad?

Anybody working in downtown DC today? The answer is yes, but they are all late. Is it a case of "The Mondays" or is it just the IMF/World Bank meeting?

I'll give you a hint....it's not The Mondays!

The above mentioned world banking groups held their annual meeting this weekend and along with the influx of diplomatic plates and road closures came the ubiquitous protesters (I won't even begin to start on them because my seething anger at these dopes won't stop for 10 or so posts). But what really gets me are those road closures.

If you close down the streets between the World Bank buildings for the weekend, it's no big deal as those roads are usually really quiet then, but to have the audacity to close down the roads on Monday and force the thousands of cars who normally traverse that area to bail out and find alternate routes. Oh yeah and to top it off...our fearless leader decided 745am would be a good time to block even more traffic with a motorcade.

Only in America!

But would it be such a bad thing to move these meetings and the problems they bring to a remote location? Say they hold the meetings on a farm in the middle of Iowa? The World Bank's critics already complain that they are not being transparent enough, so why not become remote too? Or even better, lets hold the meetings in another country. Let's hold it over in France and let the french police and citizens battle with this traffic.

I'm going to have my morning coffee now.