A Festivus Rhyme For All Of You Killing Time

Twas the night before Festivus and all through Queens,
Not a Costanza was yelling... as strange as it seems.

The family was sleeping, just waiting for light.
Saving their strength for the upcoming fight.

At the crack of dawn on December twenty-three,
Frank put up the pole... instead of a tree.

Estelle prepared the meal that would start the rite,
Not a laugh or a smile was anywhere in sight.

George dreaded this hour that came every year,
The airing of grievances would soon be here.

Frank stood at the table and bellowed outloud,
"So who's got a complaint amongst this crowd?"

"You two are crazy and have wrecked my life!",
Cried George at his parents who mocked him for spite.
"A Lloyd Braun you'll never be " was Estelle's refrain,
"Why should I try,ma?... the guy's insane!"

"Enough with the grievances," Frank said with some glee,
"Now which one of you two is wrestling me?"
"So feats of strength you want? Let them begin here,
"It's your turn to fight him, mom... he beat me last year."

The battle was started, the screaming was lyrical,
The fact no one got hurt was... ANOTHER FESTIVUS MIRACLE!

Today's rhyme courtesy of the folks at Trivia AD and an unknown poet who used to go by the name of Neuman!

What the Hell is Wind Chill and Festivus

I have often asked myself that question. It usually occurs in my head (as most of my discussions do) when I’m outside freezing my nips off just trying to get a little bit of cold air down into my lungs to continue the process of life. The nice folks at Slate, specifically Daniel Engber, wrote a great article explaining the history of this wonderful, meteorological statistic that explains “how we should feel” in cold weather. Take some time to read on especially if you have no idea (like I did) how these weather men (and weather bunnies) come up with their numbers.

It’s December 23rd and that means it’s time for Festivus. One day in 1997 what was supposed to be a throwaway mention in a Seinfeld episode became an international sensation with its own real-life following. In fact, here in DC we have our own Festivus Board (see picture) where you can post your grievances. But what are the real origins of the holiday? It turns out that it really wasn’t “invented” on Seinfeld but rather a real event in the life of writer Dan O'Keefe. He grew up with his family celebrating the holiday which his father created to celebrate his first date with his soon to be wife (Dan’s Mom). I’m looking forward to adding his book The Real Festivus to my reading list.

With that I will leave you for a few days to air my grievances to my family.

You Want Ice? No Espresso For You!

Now imagine back to when you first saw the Seinfeld episode featuring "The Soup Nazi" and you were probably thinking a) this is really (naughty word deleted) funny and b) there is no way that this could ever happen in real life.

Ah...but that's where you're wrong. As Kramer would say, "It can. It has. And I'm loving every minute of it!"

I direct your attention to the paper of record here in Washington, DC: The Washington Post, and their fine bit of Metro Section reporting on a guy who couldn't get ice with his espresso. It seems that the "barista" (a term I still shutter when saying because it's such a pretentious way to say "coffee drink pourer") would not give this gentleman his triple espresso over ice and only begrudgingly gave him a triple espresso and a separate cup of ice.

A few things to point out here:
1) If you're ordering a triple espresso you are a bit off balance to begin with and should not be told "no" to anything for fear of you shooting up a place
2) If you want the caffeine boost you probably shouldn't cut it with ice/water
3) In a piss-poor economy...you never tell a customer "no"....if he wants his coffee over ice over a pile of leftover coffee grounds, you can advise him not to, but if he insists then you do it!

Fast forward to later that day. If you were a sane and rational person (you wouldn't be drinking a triple espresso!) you might retell this story to a friend and laugh it off as really bad service. But the customer (much like yours truly) decided to go home and blog about the incident. I'm not sure of his previous traffic but something caught the eye of the blogisphere and his site was bombarded with visits and comments. This in turn lead to the owner of the coffee shop (who by the way had to close a previous incarnation in DC because he owed the city $400k in collected sales tax revenue) to blog back saying that the shop had "rules" that could not be broken or questioned.

What a freakin idiot!

Note to owner of Murky Coffee, Nicholas Cho: Hey dumbass!!!! The customer is always right. Even when he's a jerk (nobody likes a jerk) and orders a triple shot...he's still right. I didn't realize that you were loosing so much money on the ice or that your espresso is so good that it can't be enjoyed any other way that you don't deem permissible. If you had just let this guy blog and not said anything there would be no story and no bad press for your store. But since you couldn't handle that...No Soup For You!

Thank You and Stop Looking At Me

Happy Monday Everybody!

Say, “Thank You.” You can say it either because of I just sent a nice greeting your way or because you just want to. But whatever you do please say those two “magic words” when somebody holds a door open for you. Today alone, three people have gone in and out of doors I’ve held for them today without so much as even a “nod” in my direction.

Excuse the Seinfeld-ism but, “What’s the deal with that?”

How hard is it to even mutter “thanks”? These people (and those of similar ilk) all bother the bejeepers out of me. Why can’t people just take a second to be “civilized”? Yet another reason we’re going to hell in a hand basket (and not a picnic basket as previously thought).

Speaking of people taking the “down” escalator, if you sit in a cube or office that keeps the door open and faces the hallway, do not stare at me as I walk by on my way to the men’s room, stairway, vending machine, etc. You chose to keep your door open. You choose to sit facing the hallway and not the window. This was your choice. You have the choice to keep your head down and on your work (instead of say, blogging). But you don’t choose to do those things. You choose to stare at me (with quite an angry look in your eyes along the lines that I’m disturbing your life’s work) as if I had a choice about walking down the hall. Well I guess I could walk down the hall the other way and down the stairs, go outside and walk around the building and then go back up to my floor to the vending machine. That seems like a lot of exercise to get for a diet soda. If it were a regular soda or a candy bar then I can see it, maybe.

Yep, Happy Monday!