Snow, Sidewalks, and Spanish Fro-Yo

I apologize for my extended absence but clearly I was snowed in. It would of course help if more people read this crappy space to even notice I was gone for a while. Thanks a lot for nothing! Here I go trying to keep you entertained and not one person noticed I was gone. You people suck!

Onto things that caught my fancy post-"snowpocolypse":

True-to-life License Plates
There are thousands of times driving behind the guy in the '91 Ford Festiva traveling a brisk 35 in the far left lane and all I could think about was that his license plates should read "lead foot" or something of the sort. But driving the beltway yesterday I finally had a "truth in advertising" moment. In the lane next to me is this ginormous green hummer. The kind of car where the driver doesn't have to give you the finger to let you know how they really feel about you. Well damn it all to hell if this guy isn't sporting plates that read "GREN THS" How awesome is that!

Clearing the Sidewalks
If you own your house or a business you are keenly aware of the potential for lawsuits if you don’t get them cleared. In most cases you have to get the cold stuff out of there within 24 hours after the end of the storm. That doesn’t have anything to do with the actual local government taking responsibility for clearing off the sidewalks they own does it? The answer, NO! That is why 1) my knees are all twisted from running in the frozen footprints of previous snowbound pedestrians on the Duke Ellington Bridge and 2) why I had to give up and just run in the street, in the dark, with cars baring down on me. Thanks Mayor Fenty. Perhaps you can get off your nice warm treadmill and try training outside where the rest of us run and I bet those walkways would be cleared off in a heartbeat! If I see you at the Nations...I’m gonna trip you...just a heads up!

Spanish Frozen Yogurt
Evidently we as American’s didn’t corner the fro-yo market like we thought. Sure every hipster dofus and party chick think that the tart yogurt is the latest and greatest thing since sliced bread (sliced bread isn’t that great by the way!). So it looks like the Spanish have picked up on this idea. After twisting my knee in several locations (see above) I passed a store front for “De Froyo”. Now the store was closed, not surprising as it was 615am, so I didn’t get a first hand look at the product but I can only deduce that it was somehow flavored with olive oil, paella, or other Spanish type stuff. Either way I’ll stick with Carvel soft serve and keep it safe.

Back tomorrow with more holiday related horrors. Peace out B#@$#ches!

The Hippo Truth, The Mayor Ain’t That Fast, and South Park’s GOP Following

The subtitle to this posting is “Everything I Need to Know I Learned Reading Yeas & Nays in the DC Examiner. Several items in today’s paper are screaming for my attention and I just can’t decide which comes first so I’ll go in the order which I read them.

The Hippo Truth
Former George Washington University president, Steven Joel Trachtenberg finally came clean on the giant bronze hippo sitting at the corner of 20th and G streets, NW in DC. The gist of it was that he was drunk and his wife wasn’t there to supervise so he bought this thing and had it shipped back to DC where he wasted the time and money of a major university (Bloggerman’s alma matter) fabricating a lie about how George and Martha Washington used to sit on the porch at Mt. Vernon and watch these “noble creatures” wallowing in the mud of the Potomac River.

Finally! We’ve been saying this ever since the late 1990’s when this “thing” was plopped down on campus along with an all out media blitz to try to convince us that it belonged. Nobody bought this crap but as we matriculated out of the university, the incoming classes were inducted and went around believing that if you rubbed the hippo’s nose it would bring you good luck. The only luck it would have brought you in an exam is if it fell on you so you couldn’t fail.

What I want to know is how much money was ultimately spent by the university to promote this damn thing? And furthermore will Trachtenberg pay that tab? This guy should rightly get the credit for turning around the school in the late 80’s and making it a top flight school heading into the 21st century but this is the kind of schemer that should permanently be on his record. Somewhere the Washington’s are rolling in their graves.

The Mayor Ain’t That Fast
So the honorable, Adrian Fenty, DC Mayor is running (along with your’s truly) the 33rd Marine Corps Marathon this Sunday. This year he also shared the pavement with me at the National Marathon in April and he ran a 3 hour and 40 minute race. I was behind him by a little over 20 min (4 hour 7 minutes). But since then I’ve shaved 7 min off of that time (Frederick Marathon) and I think I’m ready to get even closer. So your Honor, watch your back cause Bloggerman and his “Run, Beer, Repeat” team will be on your heels.

SP and the GOP
“You bastards, you killed Palin....err...Kenny!” That’s the cry coming from hard core conservative Republican’s per the latest Nielson study. Yep the great GOP goes gaga for Cartman, Kyle, Mr. Hankey and the rest of the South Park crew. Some people are surprised about this because of the show’s controversial content but I’m not in that group. Why would you be surprised that a bunch of bible-thumping, gun-toting, bigoted rednecks like a show that star a cast of bible-thumping, gun-toting, bigoted rednecks (albeit animated ones)? Sure they cross the line and kill little Kenny each episode (at least I think they still do, I haven’t watched in a while) but they also have tried to stop stem cell research, abortion clinics, and constantly bash gays. These are the planks of the GOP platform and those doing the elephant walk can be proud that they can see themselves in small cartoon children. It sure sounds like NAMBLA’s registration numbers and the names on Megan’s List are going to be increasing as of November 5.