Commercials

No televised event keeps our attention like the Super Bowl. Think about another tv show where the viewers hide the remote, tape up the control panel, and threaten anybody painful death if they even walk too close to the set. I bet you're drawing blanks.

If you don't believe me, consider what other networks were counter-programming with. CBS had a newscast anchored by a kid who may have been the one from "boom goes the dynamite". FOX and ABC ran reruns of the test pattern, and even ESPN was showing poker, from 1979.
It's reasons like this that advertisers clamor over the chance to pony up big bucks to air a unique (and hopefully memorable) message that resonates with millions of Americans who are watching. Most advertisers try to tap into your funny bone, others try for somber and serious and some don't hit any mark at all. Lucky for you I had my phone with me and I made it through most of the game sober enough to write most of them down.

Now my top two for each category (you can click on the link for each and see the video).

FUNNY BONE
Tax Act/Pee the Pool Some felt they tried to hard to make this funny, but of you're like me and have the bladder if a three year old girl, then you know how important it is to find the closest can. I can identify with this kid, I too want to pee but can't always find an appropriate place to "unload". I'm not sure what aquatic urinating has to do with tax preparation but I'll assume there's a link.

Volkswagon Dog Workout/Star Wars Cantina The front half of this was very cute. Any dog owner can identify with this predicament. Actually I think any fat ass (this guy included) can identify with not fitting through the doggy door. Which gets me thinking how nice does the weather have to be year round to allow for a doggy door? And does having one mean that you are too lazy to walk to the door to let your dog in and out? Or does it mean that you are more caring since the dog can come and go as he/she pleases? What... Oh yeah got finish this up so I can watch the Voice. I thought the tie in to last year's Darth Vadar spot was nice. However I thought they could have done or just a little differently. Vadar never liked Tatuine, and he's never be seen in a dump like that. Why not pull out from the dog spot to two Imperial computer terminal operators laughing about what they just saw online and Vadar is there and he is NOT happy!

Speaking of things that we've seen before, half of the commercials were all over the Facebook, the Twitter and the rest of my Google machine a week before the game. Others were running on tv as early as a few days before. This is the SUPER BOWL people! The whole point of paying $3 million for a 30 second spot is to make a splash. If you want to take that commercial and air it thousands of times AFTER the game, feel free. It's your's, do with it what you will. So while the Honda/Ferris commercial was funny I had already seen it and the Cars.com spot, as well as others. No real appeal.

SOMBER/SERIOUS
Chrysler/Halftime This was in many people's short lists for good reason. It's dark, Clint Eastwood is a bad as, and after that disgrace that was the halftime show, we all want to feel good. This spot comes through on all levels, and you know your good when Remy parodies you. It's the equivalent to a band getting a Weird Al song in their honor. But even better were some quick typed responses on the above mentioned social media machines by those claiming team GOP when asked what set they claiming. Many were quick to say it was all about how great America is and their flag pins got little mini flag-erections, but they failed to notice that the point was that the auto bailout had worked and here Detroit comes back! It's a pro-Obama message. If you could me shaking my head, it would be funny. Trust me on this one.

GE Cancer Survivors

What a simple yet moving ad. Here you have this mega corporation who has its hands in a little of everything (wouldn't be surprised to find out that they were the secret judge on The Voice) one one hand and on the other you have a small bus full of people who have fought cancer and come out on the winning end. I'm going to assume that this is genuine and not a bunch of actors who said they've fought cancer but have only had it tough when going on auditions. So taking GE at it's word, I don't think that many people who are fighting cancer would immediately think to thank the people who assemble the machines that help them with the battle. The first thought goes to the doctors and nurses who are on the front lines, but what this spot did really makes you feel good inside. I love when I can see people directly benefiting from the work I do, so imagine how these assembly line workers feel when they can see first hand how their daily work has benefited so many people.

An honorable mention here goes to the Mayors Against Guns spot with Menino and Bloomburg.

MISSED THE BOAT
Bud Light/All Ads
They were all awful but particularly bad were the ones for Bud Light Platinum and the one with no talent, one hit wonder hacks LMFAO. First, I rarely drink light beer. Beer is good...why would I want to add water to that?  Second, how do you make shitty beer "platinum"...add more water? Take some water out? put a prize at the bottom of each bottle? If you want better beer, don't drink Bud Light.  I'm not all that surprised that Bud Light is on this list. Last year they released possibly the funniest ad of the year and didn't debut it at the Super Bowl (see above)! The "3-D" ad from last year was hysterical...it didn't make me want to buy Bud Light but it was funny. Then this year they follow it up with crap.  The second spot with the "band" LMFAO, the band isn't funny, the song isn't funny, and the spot isn't funny. The band is a one-hit wonder and we should know better by now then to hitch our horses to these no-talent hacks.

Chevy Malibu (I can't find this actual ad...it was that plain and boring even YouTube doesn't want it)
If this commercial airs one day earlier or later, there is absolutely no problem with it. It's a car ad, it advertises a car, and tells you that if you act now (and are a "well qualified lessee") you can save a lot of money and pay very little monthly and get a great car. The problem is that (as mentioned once or twice before) THIS IS THE SUPER BOWL. You've paid millions of dollars for just the air time, why would you put up an ordinary ad? What's more, why would you not put a disclaimer up that this is just a regular ad and now would be a good time to go to the bathroom?  These are the problems I face on a daily basis!

Lastly I want to say that overall I was extremely disappointed in the advertising this year. There were some very creative spots but many others just mailed it in. And then there were the anti-union and pro oil and gas industry commercials that aired. The Super Bowl is no place for advocacy ads (which is why "Mayors" didn't win one of the best spots). We get enough politics injected directly into our eyeballs every other day of the year, today (Sunday) let us rest and just enjoy a game and some laughs.

Now I need to go find a Butterfinger. Anybody know where I can find one? Wes Welker, any ideas?

Stop Chewing...That's My Cousin Leroy!

Perhaps I have too much time on my hands…no check that….I definitely have too much time on my hands. Because only I could make the observations I’m about the make about a commercial I saw on TV. First, I ask that view the following commercial for Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheat cereal:



Ok now you’ve seen it…here we go:
What’s with the masochistic cereal? Why do they continue to quiz this kid for his history exam when he’s preparing to drown their family in milk and weight them down with strawberries???

It’s not like I should be surprised, after all Charlie the Tuna or the Jolly Green Giant never slapped the taste out of the mouth of the people in their commercials that were eating Chicken of the Sea or their canned peas.

Still I think that these squares of shredded wheaty goodness should strike back and gain a measure of revenge. They could do it the easy way and just cut up this kids windpipe and intestines on the way “down” or they could be smart about it and just do what I would in the same position (not that I’ve ever been in the position of a piece of cereal about to be devoured by an 8-year-old kid but still)….they should give him all the wrong answers so he fails this test miserably which will lead him to drop out of school by the time he’s 15 and lead him to a life of crime and drugs which will result I him ending up in jail for a good chunk of his life. Now that’s how I spell REVENGE.

Great Game, Great Concert, Crappy Commercials

Not much needs to be said about last night’s game nor the half time concert by the legendary Bruce Springsteen because both of these events spoke volumes for themselves with their performances. What I, like many others in the blogosphere, am doing today is complaining about the lack of creativity in the commercials that have become their own must see event over the years.

Look the economy is in free fall, we all get it and I certainly understand that we’re not going to see another “1984”-type Mac commercial until times for everybody get better. I am looking beyond the three million dollars that each game time “spot” cost. The cost of the spot shouldn’t dictate the creativity. The advertisers that bought each spot had the money to do so and they also had the money to produce some sort of commercial, if not we’d have nothing but a guy holding cards up in front of the camera that had the company’s information on it. So in other words, there was some money for production here.

With that in mind, I will point out the three worst commercials and then the three best with a little explanation why (you can see all the spots over at Hulu).

THE WORST
1) Assorted Movie Trailers and NBC Promos
Clearly economic times are tough and NBC could not sell all their ad space (despite reports to the contrary) so there was advanced warning that a heavy dose of “promos” were coming, but they just weren’t funny. Especially notable in this category were the 3-D ad for “Chuck” and the “Heroes” spot where they are playing football. In fact the only one that was bearable was the “LMAO” which looked like it came from the TBS inventory of “really funny” then NBC’s stable. The movie trailers are even worse. GIJOE? Are you @$%@%$3 kidding me? My only hope is that the movie completely goes in the tank forcing the studio to shut its operations. My same thoughts for Land of the Lost, only this time I hope that Will Ferrell will also have to cease operations (die).

2) E-Trade Talking Babies
Oh you are so hip Mr. Head of Advertising at E-trade. You added a black baby to sit along the annoying white baby. Here’s a clue...neither one of them are funny, nor adorable, nor even mildly entertaining. We’re all taking a bath in the market and you’re not helping...Instead of spending money advertising, spend it getting better actors for next year.

3) Any of the Budweiser spots
The Clydesdales are no longer funny or cute. We’ve seen them do everything but take a giant dump into the vat of your crappy beer. I don’t know if it wouldn’t have been a good idea to let the Belgians take you over. At least I hear they know how to a) make a product people actually want to drink and b) can make a half way decent commercial that won’t remind me how much I crave a horse burger right now

THE BEST
1) Teleflora-Talking Flowers
Far and away the best spot was from Teleflora. They stepped up to the plate and not only took on 1-800-flowers and ProFlowers but also thought out their concept and executed flawlessly. How funny was it? Well it was already number one before the closing line “oh and no one wants to see you naked!” Classic. Congrats!

2) Tie: Doritos “Crystal Ball” and Bridgestone “Taters”
Nothing says funny like free chips and a guy getting hit in the groin in the same 30-second span. As Homer J Simpson is fond of saying “it’s funny on so many levels”. While I didn’t love Bridgestone’s other spots the one with Mr. and Mrs. Potatohead was well worth the money spent. Not only did it let me know that they have good tires (a fact that I probably won’t remember when it comes time to buy new ones) but it fulfilled every married man’s dream (for our lovely wives to have interchangeable parts!). Well Done

3) Cash 4 Gold.com
See they’re not only on at 4am and hour long infomercials on Saturday afternoon. This comes close to Teleflora in the “company you’ve never heard of walking away with the best of prize.” Getting Ed McMahon and MC Hammer (mallet) to unload their gold for much needed cash...classic (even if they did “bite” Nationwide Insurances’ MC Hammer spot a few years ago....the brutha needs money!).

That’s it I’m off to make my own commercial which you’ll only be able to see if you have access to my head. But I must warn you, it’s contents are graphic in nature and might be unsuitable to most audiences.

Bloggerman out!.