Stabby the Inoculation Needle And Other Mascots Gone Awry

File today’s post under “Reasons people think government has gotten too big.” Lots of right wing nut jobs (read: White, poor, uneducated and those that broadcast to them) say this everyday. They always site healthcare, taxes, and other government staples (never the cost to go to war for years on end though...) but can rarely point to specific examples that are not only useless but just plain wasteful. I rarely defend these cooks but today I feel the need to vent on this topic.

I present to you, exhibit A, “T-Markey”, the Registered Trademark themed mascot of the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO). Yes that’s right kids, a government agency has it’s own mascot. I’m not talking about an ancillary character that is often associated with an agency (McGruff the Crime Dog-Dept of Justice) or just a real person who is nothing more than a stuffed bag of air (Jim DeMint-US Senate). No, the offending party here is an actual real live person stuffed into a foam rubber suit who’s sole purpose is to promote the Patent and Trademark Office. Yikes!

Maybe it would be so bad if he only came out to the interagency softball games or cheered on the USPTO lawn bowling team. He’s doing what? Really? I’ve just been handed a note that T-Markey and all his friends are going to be appearing at the National Trademark Expo at the USPTO Headquarters in Virginia. So now we not only have spent the money (and time) on creating a mascot but now there is a whole event centered around him....no that doesn’t sound wasteful at all! In fact I’m sure it’s a great opportunity for kids to come down (during school hours) and learn all about the wonderful world of trademarks and patent law. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled, I mean, after all, nobody but nobody falls asleep in patent law classes taught during law school, right?

This got me thinking though. In the world of the Federal Government the adage goes something along the lines that if one is good, more is better. So why not have more agency mascots? How about the Department of Health and Human Services rolls out “Stabby, the Inoculation Needle” ? Or how about the Transportation Security Administration puts up “Willy the Magic Security Wand”? Look out kids, it’s Willy the Wand, you’d better not be hiding any explosives (or snow globes) in your rear end! If you thought Captial One’s College Football mascot battle was good, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Now there’s some well spent tax payer funds!

That Was So Funny I Forgot To Laugh and Cheap ‘Bucks

What do you get when you combine a bus driver, a guy in a dog costume, and a bunch of screaming kids? How about an arrest for simple assault?

Remember how I was worried that McGruff the Crime Dog might not have the best intentions under that trench coat he always wears? Well MetroBus Driver Shawn Brim took that a little too far and took a swing at McGruff while the dog (or guy in costume) was handing out flyers to school children.

What’s the problem here? The potentially pedophile dog gets his just come-up-ins and all's well. Yeah, well Shawn before you slug the dog you might have wanted to check who was under the “hood” so to say as it turns out that McGruff was being played by DC Police Officer, Tyrone Hardy. It’s ok though, according to Brim, he took a swipe at the furry crime fighter, “to be funny.”

I don’t need to go into detail about what happened next (you can read the whole story here) but it involves a small chase featuring Brim’s MetroBus and several DC Police cruisers. I do want to know how somebody with Brim’s criminal record (multiple arrests but no convictions) gets a job like this. Perhaps the word “background check” may want to come into HR’s vocabulary.

Also today, Starbucks is planning on offering a new breakfast combo featuring a bowl of their oatmeal and a latte for just under $4. Wow what a great deal!! I think I’ll get some tomorrow. Only it turns out that some “critics” say it may “cheapen the Starbucks brand.” Uh...I don’t get it. Why would that matter? Isn’t the point to this whole thing to bring in customers? Are you still serving the same coffee and oatmeal in this combo as if I order them individually? Then why the hell does it cheapen the brand? I’m no economist (I don’t even play one on TV) but in these economically down times isn’t it a good idea to give your customers some good value and also bring more people in the door to purchase your products? Maybe I just have it backwards.