My Brother From Another Mother and the FBI Is Hacking You

Are there a few of us out there?  Sure. Many moons ago when the "Toaster" came into my family I embraced it and joined up with a group of similarly minded individuals called the Element Owners Club. There I met others who loved E's as much as me and a few that were even lucky enough to grab the personalized plates "TOASTER" in their respective states.  I, of course, am that lucky guy in Maryland. About 5 years ago I got to meet the DC plate holder and today I met my New Hampshire Brother from another mother (dealership/state/etc).

I was on my way back from claiming my free doughnut over at Krispy Kreeme in honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I was very happy to receive something for virtually nothing but the deal was if you talk like a pirate, you get a free doughnut. If you wear pirate costume you got a free dozen. Unfortunately I'm a little short on pirate gear since I donated my puffy shirt from the Idiot-rod a few years back but I did have my Brother-in-Law's Derrick Brook's Tampa Bay Buccaneer's jersey. I think if I went with a matching hat I might have had an outside shot at the free box but alas.

Back to the Toasters, I saw "New Hampshire" one car up on my right and I pulled in behind him and tried to get a shot of his license plate (in full violation of Maryland law) but to no avail as the sun was still on it's way up. But he must have saw me since he signaled for me to pull up next to him. We chatted for a minute at a stop sign and pulled into a parking lot to take a picture. His has about 60,000 miles on mine (his is an '04 and mine an '07) but he gave me some good advice on the belt clamps that I'll bring to my mechanic's attention.

Once I got over the excitement that is my life, I made it home to finish cleaning off my parent's computer. It was infected with malware that makes it look like the FBI has locked your computer for illegal activity. Of course it's a scam and because they lock the OS the only way to shut it down is to do a hard reboot. I eventually found a good explanation of what the scam is and how to fix it (hint: you need to go into the registry and some other stuff). But my folks were concerned and even though they talked to me and I told them it was a scam, they went home and called the FBI to check. Cute right? I ended up cleaning it up for them and reinstalling the Anti-Virus software but they also called the Geek Squad at Best Buy who wanted $200 to clean up the damage. Damn...maybe thats where I need to be looking for work.

Dear, why is there vomit in my mouth?

Maybe its because I watched more than 2 minutes of the returns from the Iowa caucus last night and the anticipation that I will have to hear more about it today.

I think my distaste is threefold.


1) The greatest democracy in the world starts its nominating process with possibly the stupidest citizens (not including the fine residents of Texas). Remind me why we honor these people who pride themselves on knowing so much about politics that when they do cast their votes, they pick the eventual party nominee less than 50 percent of the time. Not a good ratio.

Additionally, if you listen to the interviews conducted with voters yesterday, you might think that the entire state is educated in the same one room school house. A woman said that this was the most important election in her lifetime (she was in her 50's), others kept going on and on about how "we" have to "beat Obama." No, what you need to do is use that critical thinking portion of your brain that humans have developed over thousands of years and figure out which candidate's platform is closest to your own stance on important issues. And yes, if you really think that Rick 'I'm more baths*& crazy than Michelle' Santorum is that person than pick them.


However I will add that if you needed more proof that the 30,000 or so voters who cast their ballots for Santorum are dumber then dirt, The Dugger Family (yes all 19 or 4,000 of them) were out campaigning the day before for the former PA senator. Ugh!


2) Because Iowa is the only state to hold a contest on this day, the candidates can spend an inordinate amount of time and energy lying to the people because they don't have to fly across the country to pedal a different pile of steam up another state's voters that same day. Let's make it interesting. Move New Hampshire and South Carolina to the same day as Iowa. You'll have an easier time weeding out the candidates and I could get on with my life (plus watch most of the candidates hang themselves with different positions on the same topic based on their audience).

3) Get religion out of the debate. I don't care if Mormons really do believe that a spacecraft will come down and wisk them away to heaven. I also don't care how white evangelicals voted. Stop trying to spin data to fill time. Either give me the full breakdown including how Asian homosexuality Jews voted or just go to a commercial break featuring the shake weight.

Speaking off jerk offs I think The Onion got it just right when they declared the caucus winner, a 600 pound butter sculpture.

OK the vomit is mostly gone now. Good thing the last thing I ate was birthday cake... That could have been ugly!

Is it Getting Wamer In Here? and Campaign Love

Thanks to all those fine people who don’t believe in Global Warming I’ve had to suffer for the last few days as we here in DC enjoy our annual “2-3 Hot Days in the Middle of January.” The real challenge here is not the warmer then normal weather outside but what to do inside your office where the heat stays on regardless. I’ve taken to rolling up my sleeves and drinking more water then usual. Others use portable fans or wear clothes that you normal wouldn’t find in the Northeast in the middle of winter.

It is this last item that I want to address in today’s entry. There is nothing wrong with adjusting to the temperature by adjusting your clothing. I would never expect you to where a heavy top coat and wool ski hat when it’s going to be 70 degrees outside, but on the flip side there are things that should NEVER be worn to an office setting. It really doesn’t matter if it’s the winter, summer, spring, fall or other season that isn’t officially recognized by the group of scientists and TV weather personalities that decide these kind of things.

The biggest no-no are flip flops, sandals, or other footwear that is backless and attaches my sliding the toes through an open end of fabric. This morning on the escalator up from the Metro I observed a man wearing faded jeans, brown polo shirt, and ratty brown flip-flops. Did I miss the memo that there was a dress down Tuesday today? I don’t think so and I don’t think this guy should have been allowed into his office today. What kind of thoughts go through your head when your in the closest (where you should have stayed) getting dressed? “Hum, well it will be warmer then usual today. I should wear my flip flops with the grey suit. No wait. That doesn’t match at all…I’ll wear the ratty jeans and polo shirt. Yeah that’s the ticket. My boss will be so impressed that my outfit matches that he’s sure to give me that big raise and promotion!” Dumbass!

The DC Examiner today pointed out a great personal ad on Craigslist today. How appropriate that something like this was posted in this over-hyped, over-worked political season. Now if we can just find somebody for Bill while Hillary is out campaigning? Ladies, any volunteers?

Weekend In New England?

---

Professional Black Male Seeks Romantic, Sensual Partner To Accompany Him to New Hampshire for the Weekend While Performing Political Work There!

Don't you want to combine your penchant for political activism with your desire for raging sensuality and passion? Let's trudge through the snow by day, curl up in front of a warm fire in the evening, and then burn up the sheets throughout the night.

Respond if you are adventurous, spontaneous, fit, sensual, have a social conscience, and have a thing for tall, dark, handsome, fit, intelligent, sensual, black men.

This weekend is New Hampshire... South Carolina and Vegas to come...