It’s Just a Cold

So I’m sick. I have the sniffles, some coughing, a little phlegm, and lots of dirty tissues. I do not however have the flu de swine (or now called H1N1 Flu).

However we can thank the Government for over reacting and the mass media for panicking and generally working those of you with no mind to think for yourselves in to a general, mask-wearing state of hysteria.

So since this pandemic, epidemic, world wide death blow (which ever term you choose), this country (as of tonight) has seen 109 confirmed cases with one death. OMG…the horror, the tragedy, wont’ someone think of the children!!!

Yeah that is until we look at some deeper stats here. 1 death in a country with a population of roughly 306 million people, or a mortality rate of .000000001 percent. Now take that and compare it to the 1,812 deaths in 2005 and you get an “pandemic” mortality rate of .0000592 percent.

Does anybody out there have a sense that this is not a huge panic situation yet? Don’t we have medical professionals in place in government so that we don’t run out and panic and close schools and cancel sporting events and have a Vice-President who won’t put his family on a commercial flight because of the danger? I don’t remember the CDC suggesting wearing surgical-style masks during a traditional flu season.

WASH YOUR HANDS (and that goes for all of you sick bastards who use the bathroom on the 3rd floor and think the sinks are there for decoration).

COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU SNEEZE AND COUGH

IF YOU ARE SICK, (AND IT’S THE FLU) GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR/HOSPITAL

That’s it. It’s serious if not treated but it’s not a pandemic or even a pan pizza.

W.O.R.K

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly Contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by Hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.