Incubators Don't Take Days Off

Daycare is truly an amazing thing. The basic idea of paying somebody to watch your child 810 hours a day is truly hey miracle of modern science. That is until they bring home a cold or other germ infestation. Then they go from giggles to incubators, growing those germs until they are ready to go out into the world and find a way new host. That's where I come in.

It seems these little buggers have no problem invading my immune system so that even on a day off (which is rare when you are unemployed) I'm congested and foggy when I should be bubbly and cheerful.

Why do we put up with it? Sure the kids are cute but are they really worth this miserable "blowback"?

The short answer is, of course, but it doesn't mean that I can't be grumpy today. I'm grumpy all the time so there's not a whole lot of difference but I'm still peeved at being sick.

The thing that really gets me is there is no real effective way to treat it. The best I can an do tonight is a lot of fluids (read lots of bathroom trips) and a couple of generic nyquills. Of course if the Jets stink it up in the second half, a little help getting drowsy might not be a bad idea.

Sick Dogs and Presidential Dances

Its finally clearing up. My sneezing, aching, and most of my snot is packing up it's toys and heading elsewhere (most likely to Mrs. Bloggerman or Bloggerman Jr.). It's been one hell of a weekend as I've not only had the cold to deal with but also had to navigate a family wedding out of town. Today only leaves a hacking cough and a bit of medicine head (in and of itself an achievement since I haven't taken medicine since last night).

But when I say, "I'm as a sick as a dog" what does that really mean?  I don't really mean I'm as sick as the dog. Trust me, I've seen her sick, when you get to that point it's less "can I have a treat" and more of "shoot me now please."  As it turns out the phrase dates back to the 17th Century and evolved because our former British overlords use the term "sick" to refer to vomiting (instead, using "ill" to describe not feeling well). Add that to dogs then (and now) eating pretty much anything that comes into their eyesight and promptly throwing it up. So "Sick as a Dog" refers to actually vomiting much like your pooch. Hopefully you're not also eating the avoidance too!

Issac has departed Florida and in it's place the Evil Empire (Republicans) have rained down on the greater Tampa area. Its that time again and as the GOP convention starts up it's not only the hotels and restaurants that are gearing up for the extra business. When men of power and lots of money come to town, strip clubs also find a bump in sales. And to that end, the clubs of Tampa aren't letting an opportunity go by with out dipping their (high heeled stiletto) toes in the action.

The Doll House club in Tampa is offering a two night special featuring "Nailin Paylin". They are calling it "The Presidential Undress". How great is that, you can cast your vote limiting women's rights and then see them dance naked on your lap. It's exactly how Jesus rolled!

Every Good Hero Should Have One

The more inspiration television I watch I realize that I could totally do the things they are doing. Climb a 5-story rock wall, done. Use a bobcat to dig up a house foundation and reinforced the waterproofing, done. I really think I can't be stopped as long as my theme music is kicking behind me.

Yeah you heard me! Jack Spade once said of theme music, "Every good hero Should have them." If there is a better lesson in a Keenen Ivory Wayans movie, well I must have missed it.

About the only thing my theme music can't get me through was finishing the Rock N Roll USA National Marathon. If the name wasn't long enough to sock the wind out of you, surely the course was for me.

Wait, you run these all the time, why didn't you finish?

OK, so I did finish, I just didn't finish the distance I set out to tackle. I do have a medal on my wall for a half marathon, but that means I left 13.1 miles out on the course. Truth be told, I don't think my theme music (if I actually listened to music on the course) could have drowned out the sound of my stomach.

On the bright side, I did learn a valuable lesson: I can run a half marathon while curating a stomach virus. At least that's what I'm diagnosing it as.

This was the 23rd time I toed the starting line of a marathon. Only once before had I not been able to finish. New York in 2005 was awful, because I was so hyped up to be back from knee surgery and I let my head trip me up. I could have kept going in that race even if I had to walk a few miles. This race was different. Because of my "condition" I felt dehydration the entire way, and the carb loading from the night for was the taste sensation for most of the race. I knew I should have gone lighter on the garlic!

From the second I started running, my stomach was telling me to stop. As I kept going, it kept getting louder and louder. Just after the 12 mile mark came the split. I chose the half course since at least that way I would be back at my car.

Well back to the drawing board. Tomorrow is the first day of Spring and Boise is in a little more than two months. I'm going out there and not coming back without a full marathon medal around my neck.

Dear Impending Cold,

Either get here or go away. I don't care for the ambiguous way you are trying to work your way into my body.

It is now the third week or so of winter and we've had a fairly good relationship so far. I take my vitamins each morning and make sure to dress appropriately for the weather. Even this week, which started out frigid, I have been careful to bundle up.

Yet you linger. You make your presence just detectable with a dry scratchy throat and swollen sinuses. You are being a bit coy with an occasional cough or sneeze.

You're not fooling me. I know you're here. I haven't run since Saturday in an attempt to stop you at the gates and frankly I'm feeling miserable about missing that time.

So either get here or go away. You are robbing me of sleep, you are robbing me of exercise, and you are costing me money as I'm on my way to the store to get vitamin C and anything else I think will help. About the only thing you're good for is clearing seats on the train.

This is your official eviction notice. Either step up to the plate or get the f*#k out!

Sincerely,
The Management