Wheeled Bags, Menace or Deathtrap? I've Decided

From time to time something I observe aggravates me to the point that I feel compelled to come into this forum and tell you about it. Heck that happens every day with everything in my life but two things today really got under my skin so here we go.

The first item on my hit list is roller bags. These are either in briefcase or backpack form and have two to four wheels and a telescoping arm/handle. The people you see wheeling these things around are in reality too lazy or too infirmed to be allowed to carry anything, anytime, anywhere. It really grinds my gears (shout out to Family Guy fame) when I have to avoid them (as I did way too many times today) on the Metro.

This morning as all 400 of my closest friends tried to cram into one set of doors in a new land speed record, one woman in the middle of the pack had the aforementioned bag in her possession and was trying to roll it over people’s feet so that she could get a spot on the train (which was empty when it pulled into the station). I finally got so annoyed at waiting for her to find an opening that as she wheeled it on to the train; I grabbed at the back and lifted it onto the car for her. Similarly, when I exited to the train today there was another man with a similar bag (this time a backpack on wheels) who also felt he wasn’t quite in possession of the strength to lift his bag and we had to wait for him to gingerly roll it onto the escalator.

Listen up people, if you can’t carry your bag for a few moments as you go thru crowded doorways, up or down escalators, or other crowded thoroughfares then leave them at home. Take a small brown bag for your lunch and leave the computer at the office. What in G-d’s green earth are you hauling in there that could be so heavy? Even laptops from the early 1990’s only weigh in at ten pounds. Are you so week of bone that you can’t manage to carry that for the few feet that would save the rest of us from having our’s run over? The next time I see you I will lift up the bag, remove the wheels and then watch as you “slide” it around!!

The second item on my list is my Fantasy Football team. I am playing this season in a work league through ESPN.com and a recreational league through NFL.com. My NFL league is going fine and I just advanced into the championship game next week. However my ESPN league is not as well. I had a chance to participate in the playoffs as the #3 ranked team in the league (playing the #2 team). And this past week, which ended with last night’s MNF game, I lost my one measly, little point! Can you believe that? One POINT! If I swapped either of my two RBs on the bench for Rudi Johnson (who could only manage 10+ yards against the San Fran defense!!!!!) I could have won! I would have won and advanced into the championship in both leagues. I want to grab Mr. Johnson by the neck (yes I know he’d probably kick my ass but that’s not what’s important now) and ask him why he screwed me so bad.

Ok now back to your regularly scheduled programming. This reminds me that it’s been a while since you’ve had an update on my ever shrinking waistline. Well after an “OK” week I’m down a total of 15.2 pounds in just under 8 weeks. Yeah Me.

Clayton County, Georgia Stirkes Again

Can they be this stupid down there? I know it's a rhetorical question and those of us outside of Gooberville, USA (this term btw doesn't apply to the rest of the Metro Atlanta area evidently) would think that the water company fiasco by Brother-In-Law was caught up in would be enough to make even the Duke boys blush.

But this cesspool of a county can't even pull their heads out of the dark and warm crevasse they are currently up to stop more people from realizing that the politicians and county leaders they elected are also inbreds and incapable of making a common-sense judgement.

Case in point: a snippet from the AP in today's Examiner:

Warden wants satellite TV to watch Monday Night Football
ATLANTA – The warden of the Clayton County Correctional Institution wants permission to spend money for a “management tool,” satellite TV to keep his 226 inmates occupied watching football.

Warden Frank Taylor is asking the Clayton County Commission to let him sign up for direct-broadcast satellite service for less than $100 a month. It would be funded with money collected at the prison’s commissary and pay phones. “The reason is ‘Monday Night Football’ is now on cable,” he said. “Although it might seem funny, when you have 90 percent of inmates watching something, it is a management tool or the institution.” – AP

Well excuse me Warden. I don't want the inmates WHO HAVE BEEN CONVICTED OF CRIMES to be inconvenienced and maybe miss a MNF game. I mean they might riot if they are not allowed to stare longingly into Tony Kornheiser's eyes or orange dome. Oh and think of the shankings and forced sodomies if they miss Suzzy Kolber's insightful interviews of Joe Namith or some other drunk ex-player on the sidelines. Oh the humanity and Won't somebody think of the children!

Maybe I don't understand the situation. Oh wait, yes I do. They are inmates and are spending time in jail to be punished. They don't get Direct TV or Cable or Anything for that matter. They should be locked in their cells 20 hours a day and let out 3 hours a day for meals and 1 hour a day to shower. That's it. That's the List. To think that this dope, Frank Taylor, would have the balls to say, "Well it wouldn't cost much and we can take the money from our commissary sales (about $41,000 last year, give or take)" is outrageous. Perhaps the people of Clayton County might want some of that money. After all isn't the jail itself and the prisoners care paid for by tax dollars. Oh let's not take that money and put it into the schools or the roads or the WATER SYSTEM. Let's instead spend some of it to make our "guests" (prisoners) lives more comfortable.

We wouldn't want them to be inconvenienced by missing their favorite game. Which game on the schedule can they not live without? Is it this weeks match up of Tennessee at Denver which feature teams that have a number of current and soon to be convicts like Adam "Pacman" Jones and Travis "Smoke 'em if you got 'em" Henry. Or is it next week's battle of the winless Miami Dolphins vs. the Pittsburgh Steelers (I can't say anything bad about them because many of their players are on my fantasy team!). Oh I know, the "involuntary guests" (prisoners) must be chomping at the bit at the thought of missing the Week 14 matchup of the New Orleans Saints and their own Atlanta Falcons. Too bad your boy Mike "Mad Dog" Vick won't be suiting up for that one boys.

The citizens of Clayton County should storm the jail today and sting the warden up by his toes and hang him over the side of the building and then they should go into the prison and remove all modern conveniences and let these convicts really be punished. OR you could do your civic duty and call, write, or e-mail the Clayton County Chariman, Eldrin Bell to air your feelings. Don't worry if your not a constituent. Just say you are, they never check.

Address: 2600 Creek Indian Trail, Jonesboro, GA 30236
Home Phone: 770.960.7126
Work Phone: 770.472.8122
e-mail: eldrin.bell@co.clayton.ga.us

Happy Trails!