Take Me To the Cleaners To Get Some Coffee

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Starbucks (if that is your real name!) for taking me to the cleaners this holiday season. I thought the point here was “good will toward man”? Evidently, I don’t fall into that category because you keep charging me more for my coffee. I’m not trying to be difficult here either. I don’t order a triple-soy-no foam-four Splenda-double cup-half decaf-could you put a birthday candle in it for me – moca-chi-ino. If you wanted a few extra cents for doing all that work, sure no problem. But what I’m talking about here is nothing more than a few shots of flavor.

Specifically I’m expressing my outrage over your holiday seasonal lattes. On a recent trip to one of your establishments I saw a sign promoting your limited time flavors of the season, Peppermint Mocha, Gingerbread, and Eggnog. Oh boy am I excited! I love this time of year...my favorite flavors come out everywhere; from pies to coffee. Put me down for one of those Gingerbread Lattes, but only a tall since I don’t want to have to run and find a Men’s room four times in the next five minutes.

“That’ll be $3.75 cents sir.”

Wha...wha...what? Are you serious?

How can a tall, seasonal-flavored latte cost more than one in the middle of the summer? According to your menu, a regular tall latte will run me $2.75. Add to that another $0.40 for a flavor shot and you end up with a $3.15 drink, composed of espresso, steamed milk, and a pump or two of flavored syrup. That’s still way too expensive but I won’t get into the world of overpriced gourmet coffee (although I could get roughly the same thing at 7-11 for $2 less!).

Yet, you are charging me an extra $0.60 for the honor of having a bit of holiday fun. I don’t get it? Does Dunkin Donuts charge me $0.20 more to have a Pumpkin Donut? Does the guy at the farmers market charge me more for a peach in the middle of the summer? No...no they don’t, because it’s the season for such things. In fact, I’d probably be OK paying a few cents more to have a peppermint latte in the middle of July. That just makes sense.

So keep your grubby hands out of my wallet. If I have to go to Starbucks then I’m going to keep to the “regular” flavors and save my holiday merry making for places that don’t charge extra for a little cheer.

Peace out!

That Was So Funny I Forgot To Laugh and Cheap ‘Bucks

What do you get when you combine a bus driver, a guy in a dog costume, and a bunch of screaming kids? How about an arrest for simple assault?

Remember how I was worried that McGruff the Crime Dog might not have the best intentions under that trench coat he always wears? Well MetroBus Driver Shawn Brim took that a little too far and took a swing at McGruff while the dog (or guy in costume) was handing out flyers to school children.

What’s the problem here? The potentially pedophile dog gets his just come-up-ins and all's well. Yeah, well Shawn before you slug the dog you might have wanted to check who was under the “hood” so to say as it turns out that McGruff was being played by DC Police Officer, Tyrone Hardy. It’s ok though, according to Brim, he took a swipe at the furry crime fighter, “to be funny.”

I don’t need to go into detail about what happened next (you can read the whole story here) but it involves a small chase featuring Brim’s MetroBus and several DC Police cruisers. I do want to know how somebody with Brim’s criminal record (multiple arrests but no convictions) gets a job like this. Perhaps the word “background check” may want to come into HR’s vocabulary.

Also today, Starbucks is planning on offering a new breakfast combo featuring a bowl of their oatmeal and a latte for just under $4. Wow what a great deal!! I think I’ll get some tomorrow. Only it turns out that some “critics” say it may “cheapen the Starbucks brand.” Uh...I don’t get it. Why would that matter? Isn’t the point to this whole thing to bring in customers? Are you still serving the same coffee and oatmeal in this combo as if I order them individually? Then why the hell does it cheapen the brand? I’m no economist (I don’t even play one on TV) but in these economically down times isn’t it a good idea to give your customers some good value and also bring more people in the door to purchase your products? Maybe I just have it backwards.

Vote. Get Sticker. Get Free Stuff

What’s the best part of Election Day? Is it casting your vote for the candidate and issues of your choice? Is it exercising your democracy that our brave soldiers have fought and died for? Is it sweeping the current party out of office in favor of an equally inept group of corrupt, money-grabbing, prostitute-hiring jackasses (not even in Rabbit Hash!)?

NO!

The answer is:

“What is free food, Alex?”

CORRECT!!

And in honor of our founding fathers and their fight for liberty and democracy here is a list of places you can get election day freebees with a “I voted” sticker.

Ben & Jerry’s

Come to participating scoop shops on November 4th from 5-8pm, and you'll get a free scoop of ice cream.

Krispy Kreme

Celebrate National Election Day by get a free “STAR” shaped donut (read....poorly misshapen attempt at a regular donut that we would normally throw out) with patriotic sprinkles (read....a hodge podge of red, white, and blue sprinkles that got all mixed up from making the other donuts).

Starbucks

Even though Dunkin’ Donuts is still “The Official Coffee” of NobodyLikesAJerk, Starbucks is giving away a free cup for those that come in today.

California Tortilla

Yee-ha! Just come in on Election Day, Tuesday, November 4th, and the spunky cashier will give a coupon for a free taco to anyone of voting age who comes in wearing an I VOTED sticker.

Shane’s Rib Shack

Show your sticker and get a free 3-piece chicken tenders pack with fries and a 20oz soda.

Books A Million

Simply wear your "I voted Sticker" to Books A Million on election day and receive a cup of Joe on us.

Daily Grill

Get a FREE Happy Hour Appetizer to anyone who brings in their ballot stub or "I Voted" sticker on Election Day. They are extending out their happy hour prices on both drinks and food until the restaurant closing that day. Happy Hour starts at 4 PM.

Chick-Fil-A

Bring in your "I voted" sticker into your local Chick-Fil-A on Tuesday, November 4th and get a free chicken sandwich. You can also bring your election yard banner (typical yard signs pimping politicos and/or issues) on Wednesday, November 5th and get a free chicken sandwich.

Eli’s Cheesecake

What: The Eli's Cheesecake Company of Chicago will reward voters with a free slice of Chicago's favorite dessert, simply by presenting their voting receipt at Eli's Cheesecake World, 6701 W. Forest Preserve Drive, from Tuesday, November 4th through Friday, November 7th - 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. If you don't live in the Chicago area, go online to elicheesecake.com, click on "I voted in the 2008 election" and receive a free 6" Original Plain Cheesecake with the purchase of one Eli's 9" Original Plain or Chocolate Chip Cheesecake.

Flu Shots

Vote & Vax is giving away free flu shots. Visit the site to see what’s in your area.

Tattoo Removal

Think I’m kidding? New Look Laser Tattoo Removal in Texas is actually providing one free laser tattoo removal if you come in with your sticker. Um...maybe it’s time to take off that “Hockey Moms Like it On Top” that you got across your chest last month.