There Are Stranger Things But Not Many

Humans have strange addictions and fetishes. We pride ourselves on it. We have shows to prove it. Just look at the lineup on Arts and Entertainment television tonight, Intervention, Hoarders, Pawn Stars.

Well actually that last one isn't really an addiction unless you count my Father-In-Law watching hours of it on end. But that's a topic for another post.

No matter how strange you think something is, chances are there is a pornographer out there trying to make a buck on it. Yep. Porn has ridden the information super highway all the way to the bank. Back in my days, porn was just available in magazines or on Cinemax after dark. But even then it was standard girl on guy or girl on girl or girl on guy on girl action. Nothing too crazy, but boy have things changed.

Today I was reading up on leprosy because I have this thing and it looks a little green...well that's not important. Anyway while reading my friendly Urban Dictionary I came across something called "LeperPorn". Yes....exactly. Pornography specifically for Lepers, which shows bits of their body falling off during sexual activity.

Now that I've swallowed the little bit of vomit that just came up in my mouth, I want to apologize for putting this image in your head but it's important we deal with this issue head on. Actually when I think of leaperporn, I see an actor that looks and sounds a lot like Sam Kinneson yelling at his female counterpart....but your image may vary. I have chosen to spare you from the actual footage but trust me I've done the research and now you know there is one more category of "kinky" that you may have to contend with the next time you dot com. 

Porn Bailout and Wuv’s Hamburgers

Bom chicka bom bomm...while these two topics seemingly have nothing to do with one another I will prove that again they do even if they are simply topics for today’s posting.

First it was AIG, then the government sent money to help GM, now it’s time for “Bailouts Gone Wild” as everybody’s favorite low-life, Joe Francis and Hustler Magazine’s Larry Flynt are knocking on Congress’ door seeking money for a “Porn Bailout.” You can read more about all the details here, but what I’m really interested in, is will Congress go for this?

Well why the hell not? Forget the banking and auto industries, if there’s one place that we’re loosing American jobs (many in Southern California) to overseas competition is the PORN industry. Have you noticed how many “models” are now from Europe and Asia? It seems every time I log into HotHornyAmericanBabes.com* more and more of Eastern Europe’s slutiest looking women are being sent to my inbox with captions like “Hi, I’m Amber from Iowa” or “Hey There Sailor, this is Katie from Oregon”. This has to stop! No not the delivery of naked women to my inbox, are you crazy!

What has to stop is the loss of the American Porn Industry. Flynt brought us the “dirty” side of naked women and to this day we still love it. Francis showed us that every city has a huge segment of the population that will show their boobs if you give her a few shots of tequila and a free T-shirt. These are the people and the jobs that we need to save. Without a functioning porn industry where will the bulk of the male (and some female) American workforce go to blow off steam when they come home after a hard day at work (or looking for work)? They’re not going to the bank and they’re not going to buy a car...they’re going to grab their ECHM and double click for porn, porn, porn!

Anybody reading this remember Wuv’s Hamburgers? I thought of this today and I’m not sure why. Wuv’s was a fast food chain based out of Ft. Lauderdale, FL in the late 1970’s and went bankrupt in 1981. However, I think some of the stores stayed open independently for a few years later. I remember one of these on Route 17 in Ramsey, NJ when I was a young boy. They had some good food as I remember.
*Not actually sure this is a real website. Bloggerman loves his wife and never looks at Porn. He does however occasionally look at his dog lying in bed.

Thank You For NOT Standing

Seriously, thanks! You were the woman sitting in front of me who chose not to stand during the ovation at the end of the show (Avenue Q) I attended yesterday evening. I'm so elated that you chose to sit. One of my major complaints about going to see live theater (besides the overpriced tickets and old ill-equipped theaters...more to come on that) are the people who figure it's their patriotic duty to stand up and give a "non-sitting" ovation for any show they see.

To be fair, these people may not get out much or see many shows, or the informational filmstrips from grade school on how to behave in the theater. I can understand that, but it's not your right to block my view for the ticket I paid just as much for. Remember, this is not a major sporting venue with big screen video footage of the action down on the stage (that would be really cool though!)

So kudos (or other chocolat-y) granola bars go out to the woman in front of me who enjoyed the whole show and then didn't try to lead us in an over-the-top overture.

Now on to the show itself which was FAB-U. It was even better then the soundtrack, which I also highly recommend. Among the songs which should be given their 5 seconds of fame on pop radio are

"Everybody is a little bit Racist"*

and
"The Internet if for Porn".*

These songs are the winners for two reasons, 1) they're catchy as hell and 2) their true.

We were actually the last crowd to see it at the National Theater in DC and as we were leaving the show, the trucks were outside ready to load up the sets and move the whole thing to Baltimore for shows later this week. My only complaint is one I have with many theaters, they are too old. The people that run the National, have done an excellent job with restoring it and adding top flight lights and sound but the trudging up 3 very steep flights of stairs to the balcony and then down the steps to the seats (where it looks like you very well might take a spill down to the "good seats" if you were to stumble even for a moment) and then you have to go down another flight if you want to us the "can, well it all adds up to a sub-par experience. By comparison, the theater in Philadelphia (Kimmel Center) is state of the art and doesn't feel like you might have seen Lincoln be assassinated had you shown up a hundred years (or so) early for the show.

*Both songs videos are from YouTube. I claim no copyright infringement and and did not record or post either of these videos. Any other questions can be addressed to my legal team at kvetch@nobodylikesajerk.com