Don't Eat Those Cookies!

They’ll make you fruity. You know light in the loafers. Or they may make you run out and get an abortion. I don’t care if you’re a guy. If you eat all those Thin Mints (you won’t be thin any more) and you may have the urge to join a radical left organization, like the Sierra Club.

Sound crazy? Consider the source, Indiana State Rep. Bob Morris. This is a man who looks just a few pounds away from going Pvt. Leonard 'Gomer Pyle' Lawrence on us. This is my rifle, this is my Samosa, this is for shooting, and this is for fun.

This (excuse the pun) Gomer Pyle-looking A hole actually sent a letter to members of the Republican Caucus and said “many parents were ‘abandoning the Girl Scouts because they promote homosexual lifestyles.’"

Huh? We are talking about those girls in the brown and green uniforms who sell cookies, and earn merit badges right? Just checking. And you are aware that this isn’t the Catholic church right? You know with the pedophiles and the alter boys and stuff.

A lesser man would just shake his head and walk away. Fortunately for you, I am not a lesser man. Well I am but I will still stir up the pot on this goober.

Morris was lobbing lawmakers to oppose a nonbinding resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts. He was the only member not to sign the measure. That’s 99-1 in favor of honoring these cookie whores for those of you keeping score at home. I’d hate to see what happens if the legislature tries to adopt John Melencamp as the official state musician. He’d probably claim that Cougar’s music encourages illegal aliens to move to the Hoosier state.

According to the article, after doing what he called a "small amount" of research on the Internet, Morris said, he and his wife concluded the Girl Scouts have become a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood and are part of an agenda that includes "sexualizing" young girls.

I’m glad that his wife took part in this investigation. I mean of course she must have her PhD in investigative forensics (yet another reason you won’t see CSI-Bloomington on CBS anytime soon). This is the part where I suggest they go back to the drawing board and try this again.

We shouldn’t be surprised. This guy is about a Acme Brand Rocket Pack from falling off the far right end of the political scale. But don’t worry too much, he did mention in a recent press release “I will continue to show up and represent my constituents at the Statehouse.” Good to know. I’m assuming that we won’t find any Tagalongs sewn into the lining of his jacket.

The Scouts and Planned Parenthood have dismissed Rep. Bob Morris’ comments as absurd, as did Republican House Speaker Brian Bosma. The Speaker even passed out 278 cases of thin mints, he bought from area girl scouts in the hours after this story broke, to lawmaker of both parties and guests of the legislature on Tuesday. Now that’s a classic NBLJ move!

Stop That Psychic!

No joke! The front page story in my morning paper was about a psychic suing Montgomery County, MD because they wouldn’t give him a business license. It turns out that the county has had a ban on “collecting cash for predicting the future” on the books for over 40 years. Now this psychic, Nick Nefedro, is claiming that 1) the law is a violation of his right to free speech and 2) that it is biased against gypsies and their “Roma” culture.

I don’t quite know where to fall in on this one as there are so many different angels to take. On one hand, if the law has been on the books this long, how could you have been surprised when your request for a license was turned down? Furthermore, there is no “speech” issue here. If you want to have “free speech” to predict the future then do it for...FREE! Likewise, you can try to collect clam shells or deer hides in lieu of cash. Note that the Supreme Court said that the First Amendment right to Free Speech does not include “false speech” (lies). Besides the county has a legitimate public safety angle here in that these “psychics” are usually frauds looking to bilk the susceptible members of the public by reading their crystal balls.

This last point brings me to the other side of the augmentable pillow (the “cool” side if you will). Maybe we should follow the lead of other area jurisdictions and not regulate this industry. If you as a member of the public are stupid enough to go to them/pay them/and repeat the visits as requested then you deserve what you get. Plus the county gets some padding in its coffers in the form of business tax revenue.

I still can’t understand why people who normally show some smidge of common sense (there’s that phrase again!) throw it all out a window when a woman with a scarf on her head going by the name of “Psychic Jess” tell them that the card with the cute kitty on it means they will meet the love of their life at the swap meet in Terre Haute, Indiana two Saturdays from now.

Perhaps we should do a little selective skimming from the good ole’ gene pool!

Thanks Indiana and Shut Up Patriot Fan

Thanks that is for bringing (or rather electing) Dan Burton (R) congressman. Rep Burton, during the congressional hearings for the ‘roid-rage Rocket actually had one of the two best comments of the day, “What happens if your lies are proven untrue?” Uh, Congressman, that’s why it’s called a lie.

And a special runner up comment goes to Rep. William Lacy Clay (D-Mo.) who saw fit to inquire "what uniform you will wear to the Hall of Fame?"

As Dana Milbanks of the Washington Post properly concluded, “The world might look very different today if Congress had spent as much energy probing Iraq for weapons of mass destruction as it did yesterday examining Roger Clemens's derrière.”

If we didn’t think Congress made way too much money doing way too little work, this is the proof. Oh and thanks to the GOP for lying down and being Clemens doormat. When exactly did the memo go out that said, “Hey guys, lets be nice to Clemens, Bush Sr. says he’s ‘a good guy’”?

Also from a few days ago this article on Patriot Fan who still can’t accept that his team couldn’t get the job done. They want the NFL to replay the last 1:41 of the SuperBowl because they don’t understand that when the refs call for a measurement that clock stops. You can find the NFL rulebook here. Please print it out and save it for future idiotic arguments.