Metro Riders: The Good, The Bad, and the Stupid

Three recent incidents over the past few days have got me thinking (and subsequently blogging) about the people who I share my daily commute with. They come from all over the metro DC area and from all walks of life. They are Doctors, Lawyers, Government Paper Pushers, Pimps, Prostitutes, Lawmakers, Lawbreakers, and one little Project Manager who feels the need to tell you all about them (that’s me by the way).

THE GOOD:
Yesterday morning started off like any other (except for IMUS’ return….see other post). I got on the train at the start of the line, sat down and started reading the paper. About two stops in (Twinbrook) the doors opened and I heard “Oh My G-d! Help me!” That got my attention and out the window I didn’t see anybody on the platform and as the doors were chiming to close, two men who were on the train and standing at the door jumped out and pulled a guy (who was laying on the platform) up and onto the train. He had slipped on the wet platform and twisted his knee. I jumped up when I saw him being picked up and helped hold the door and immediately offered him my seat, which he gratefully accepted. It turns out he was ok after a few minutes of flexing but he was very appreciative. Now on to…

THE BAD:
While I gave up my seat (2 rows from the door), the guy sitting in the first row in front of me and the others who were also in front row seats didn’t even stand up to see what was going on. After we were moving again I laid into the guy in front of me for not getting up. He was an Indian (I believe) man, middle aged, with a suitcase. He seemed to be in fine physical shape (no cane or walker). Why couldn’t this jerk get up and give the guy who was obviously hurt and in pain his seat. He said, “Oh I didn’t have time to react!” How could he not have time to react? Was he confused? Maybe he thought when the guy who slipped was grimacing in pain it was a tribal or religious ritual meant to encourage a quick end to winter and a bountiful harvest next fall. Or maybe it was that this guy is an idiot and deserves to have either A) his green card revoked, B) received a week in a Sudanese woman’s prison, or C) a special place in this bloggers heart and mind and if I see him again I’m going to kick him in the back of the knee and then sit back down in my chair.

THE STUPID:
After an eventful morning I was hoping for a nice quiet ride home, progressing further in to a really good book I’m reading (David McCullough’s book on the building of the Brooklyn Bridge, The Great Bridge.) The train was fairly crowded but still enough room for me to find a standing spot near a pole. 3/4 of the way through the ride we were about to close the doors and pull away from the Grovsnor/Strathmore station, when a women in the middle of the car decided she needed to get off here. Why she didn’t get off when we first pulled into the station is beyond me but she waited until the last second. As she worked her way toward the car door, the chimes went off and the doors began to close. She would not make it and have to ride to the next station and turn around. But wait there was a guy standing by the door who wanted to help. Without thinking (I can only assume) he stuck his hand in between the closing doors and stopped them on his hand (with only a paper’s width left until they completely closed). The doors reopened and the woman exited thanking the man profusely. While this guy could go into “THE GOOD”, I’m putting him in THE STUPID because the doors might not have opened, and in the past I’ve seen trains pull away with people’s hair, bags, and clothes stuck in them. None-the-less I appreciate what the guy did and he is a good person.

Maybe all the GOOD ones should find the BAD and some of the STUPID and whop them until they can’t sit down for a week. Or maybe I should just get back to work and stop thinking about such daily minutia?

THANK YOU FOR RIDING METRO.

Is Your Beef Jerky Smarter Then a 5th Grader?

For a long time I've been against a person/celebrity who's made their name in one field or industry, pimping a product that has no relation, especially when there is an already crowded market. For example, Joseph Aboud is a men's fashion designer of some acclaim, who has branched out into bed sheets and dishes. I CANT`T STAND THIS STUFF! And furthermore I won't put up with it!

So what do you think my reaction was the other day when walking through the supermarket I saw a bag of (and this is the straight truth) a bag of Jeff Foxworthy brand beef jerky? Besides holding my vomit back or needing a clean up in isle 6 based solely on the site of his mullet on a bag of salted beef product, I was appalled that someone would actually consider buying this stuff.

Paul Newman is a name that you might say fits in with this crowd but he does not count in this discussion for two reasons. 1) Newman's products are really good and he donates profits to charity. 2) Newman is an Oscar winner, Foxworthy created a punchline that keeps the entire population of Arkansas smiling (34 collective teeth...even less if they tried to take a bite of this crap.)

And to top off any crappy product, you MUST have an equally distasteful PR campaign. Here is a snippet from the press release announcing the product last year (how has this remained on the market for more then a year....ugh!!!):

Jeff Foxworthy is the ideal celebrity brand to market Monogram's jerky products because he has universal appeal and his image is closely associated with the consumer's expectations of the product. Test marketing already shows that Jeff Foxworthy Jerky products are a hit!

Perhaps we should ask the "5th Graders" if they buy this stuff.

This diatribe got me thinking, what other no talent hacks are out there who could slap their faces on an equally tasteless product and take it to market? Wouldn't you know it, I came up with a few:

Larry the Cable Guy adult diapers: for the load of crap that he deposits at his movies

Mike Vick Korean BBQ Family Restaurant: real dog in every bite

Ugh I really need a hobby