Bowling The Way It Outta Be.

Twenty pink pins, ten tight skirts and two occupied lanes. IF it's March, it must be women's college bowling season. Forget your brackets and dreams of a rookie pitcher making the big leagues. There is nothing like Alabama A&M vs. the ladies of Prairie View State. The drama, the tension, the rivalry!

My Nook's library includes "Those Guys Have All the Fun", the 700 page volume on the history of ESPN. Back before 24 hours of Sports Center and Stuart Scott trying to sound slightly relevant the 4-Letter used to fill their programming hours with obscure college sports. This was a little before my formidable years so I am going to take their words for it since I don't have eyeball proof. But after watching ESPNU's coverage of the SWAC Women's Bowling Championship the other night, I have a good handle on what a typical programming block may have looked like.

Let me pause here to assure you I am not railing against bowling, women's sports, or the schools involved. Today's rant is purely about the absurdity of what I saw on tv the other night. In fact I happen to enjoy bowling, sports, and women. (I have no strong feelings about the schools involved).

I'm trying to reconcile these things:

1) Did ESPN run out of games (live or recorded), movies, infomercials, and Football Follies to air when they landed on this gem? I know that we are in between rounds of the Men's tournament, but the women are playing and what about airing some classic games from years past? I'd like to see Santa Clara from the early 90s with Steve Nash or Duke vs. Kentucky with Hill to Laettner. Hell even a good Vince Offer  infomercial would have provided more excitement.

2) How is bowling (men or women) a college sport? Do you get a scholarship for this? Are there big-time recruiting wars for the top bowlers? Do high school bowlers have signing day press conferences where they coyly reach for the hat from Tech but then grab the State hat and slam it on with a smile on? Anything I can do while drunk is not a sport. Just remember that. Again I need to remind you that I'm not against women's sports. These girls hit 150 in the 7th frame I hit it in the15th frame (if I'm lucky). They would whip my ass no doubt but then again I'm not trying for a scholarship...I go bowling for the beer and the second hand smoke.

3) The SWAC (Southwestern Athletic Conference)? Really? The last time I heard of the SWAC, SMU was on a football death penalty, Texas Tech was led by Billy Jo Toliver at QB. I didn't think it even existed anymore. Low and behold...it's still alive and kicking. Yeah for college athletics!

These are valuable questions. Democrats blame Republicans, Republicans blame Women, and Women...well they bowl. But is this the downfall of our society or is it white bread?  I report, I decide. You should just be happy you get to hear me.

Was My Waiter Shamwow’s Vince Offer and That’s Rabbi Sista to You!

Happy Anniversary to the wife. She deserves nothing but the best but instead got stuck with me, who intern got stuck with an inherited bad sense of humor and receding hair line so everything is fair an balanced. We also want to thank the ‘rents for the gift which we used last night to go to dinner at a very nice area steak house.

We were treated very well and sat in a booth (as requested) but who comes over to tell us about the menu and take our order? None other then Vince Offer himself! Well, maybe it wasn’t Vince but our waiter, Mike, was about as close as you can get. The only thing he was missing was the headset and the cheap made for TV towel system. That aside, he was very nice and helpful and generally very hard working except for the terrorist fist bump to celebrate when we first met him. Even though he wasn’t really Vince he still sold us a pretty good bill of services so maybe Mike has a career in infomercials. Not really sure where I’m going with this line of discussion but wanted to share.

Well its not Dothan, Alabama but the Jewish community in Greenville, North Carolina are about to welcome Alyssa Stanton into their mix. Alyssa, is about to be ordained by the Hebrew Urban College as the country’s first black, female rabbi. I have to say that not only am I impressed at anybody achieving this status but for such a rarity as a black woman it’s even better (nothing to do with her race except that black jews in general are a rarity). I wish her nothing but the best (as well as a hearty Mozel, Mozel) and I hope she instills pride and a zest for life in her congregants as well.

Funny, I've Heard That Beofre

Stop copying me. I know I’m popular and I know I’m funny, plus my Mom says I’m handsome, but you must fight the urge to copy everything I do!

I was home last light (as opposed to that seedy motel down the street that Mrs. Bloggerman keeps threatening to banish me to) and saw that RayRay posted about the plan to bring Jews to Dothan Alabama. Sound familiar (see my post earlier in the day on this matter).

In and of itself that wouldn’t have been so bad because his take included a breakdown of the $50k in grant money going to the families that move there but then Czabe had to go and mention it on his show the other day too. The big difference between my posting and the other mentions is that I had the decency to let you know about the peanuts around town. That’s culture baby!

So to recap, this is the place to get the full story without editing (and sometimes spell checking). Who needs Fox News?

Dothan? How are the Bagels?

File this one under “What You Talkin’ ‘Bout Willis?” but “Larry Blumberg is looking for a few good Jews to move to his corner of the Bible Belt.”

Yeah I can’t believe it either but evidently we’re talking about some big money here on the line. We’re talking specifically $50k large if you move to this square in Alabama and stay there (and a member of a specific synagogue) for five years.

But is it as easy as that? I think some investi-mi-gating is in order here. Lets first start with the job situation, because 50-grand is a lot of money but you don’t see it for five years and you need to live on more then tax rebate checks. A search of Monster.com shows that I can work in the US NAVY, be a retail guy at an Alltel wireless store, or work for the TSA as a screener at the local airport. Here are the problems I see: I don’t look good in white, I had that Chad guy from the commercials, and I would probably not pass the security check needed to work Part Time in the airport. Ok that leaves me with the local stuff: It looks like I can work for the city (Dazed and Confused) as a Crossing Guard (part-time).

Ok so now that I’m making $7.04/hr with no real benefits what do I do for entertainment (besides a dial up connection for Ozark porn)? Well Panama City, Florida is a 2 hour drive down local highways.. spring break here I come! Or I could see the worlds shortest city block, or indulge my dining pleasure at one of the fine restaurants in town like: Chili’s Bar & Grill, Ruby Tuesday, Golden Corral, or Hooter’s. And after the meal I can walk around town to look at the peanuts.

Sounds like Bloggerman is packing up the family and moving to Alabama. Now if only I could find my Skynard CD!
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Disclaimer:
Dothan, Alabama is probably a perfectly nice place to live, work, dine, and be entertained. I do not mean to disparage its history, work ethic or citizenry with this posting. The opinions above are those of me and me only (perhaps most of the free world too but that’s not important now) and should not alter your view of this fine slice of Americana. Oh and there is a bagel place there too: Big Blue Bagel and Deli.