Dear, why is there vomit in my mouth?

Maybe its because I watched more than 2 minutes of the returns from the Iowa caucus last night and the anticipation that I will have to hear more about it today.

I think my distaste is threefold.


1) The greatest democracy in the world starts its nominating process with possibly the stupidest citizens (not including the fine residents of Texas). Remind me why we honor these people who pride themselves on knowing so much about politics that when they do cast their votes, they pick the eventual party nominee less than 50 percent of the time. Not a good ratio.

Additionally, if you listen to the interviews conducted with voters yesterday, you might think that the entire state is educated in the same one room school house. A woman said that this was the most important election in her lifetime (she was in her 50's), others kept going on and on about how "we" have to "beat Obama." No, what you need to do is use that critical thinking portion of your brain that humans have developed over thousands of years and figure out which candidate's platform is closest to your own stance on important issues. And yes, if you really think that Rick 'I'm more baths*& crazy than Michelle' Santorum is that person than pick them.


However I will add that if you needed more proof that the 30,000 or so voters who cast their ballots for Santorum are dumber then dirt, The Dugger Family (yes all 19 or 4,000 of them) were out campaigning the day before for the former PA senator. Ugh!


2) Because Iowa is the only state to hold a contest on this day, the candidates can spend an inordinate amount of time and energy lying to the people because they don't have to fly across the country to pedal a different pile of steam up another state's voters that same day. Let's make it interesting. Move New Hampshire and South Carolina to the same day as Iowa. You'll have an easier time weeding out the candidates and I could get on with my life (plus watch most of the candidates hang themselves with different positions on the same topic based on their audience).

3) Get religion out of the debate. I don't care if Mormons really do believe that a spacecraft will come down and wisk them away to heaven. I also don't care how white evangelicals voted. Stop trying to spin data to fill time. Either give me the full breakdown including how Asian homosexuality Jews voted or just go to a commercial break featuring the shake weight.

Speaking off jerk offs I think The Onion got it just right when they declared the caucus winner, a 600 pound butter sculpture.

OK the vomit is mostly gone now. Good thing the last thing I ate was birthday cake... That could have been ugly!

Up, Down, Up, Down Feel The Burn and They Just Don’t Get It.

Yes...you too can loose weight by using the newest exercise craze spreading across the nation. We have people in all 50 states (and some non-voting territories) using our exercise program with proven results. You’ve seen them on TV working their legs and cores and hands all night long, and now you can join them.

Well sort of. I mean you’re not going to get yourself elected to Congress anytime soon. Heck you probably don’t even vote regularly...but that won’t stop you now that you can get your hands on the Congress’ own: Presidential Speech Workout Plan.

Yes that’s right you can feel like you’re right their in the chambers standing up every 5 lines of speech and clapping like you’re trying to kill a horde of mosquitoes. And just when you sit down and your hands start to get feeling back in them, you’re up on your feet again in this aggressive sweat fest.

Still not dropping those pounds that you’d like? Well step up to the advanced level training where you’ll done a winter grade wool suit (or pant suit for the women) and you’ll be blinded by all the sweat dripping off your cranium. Are you handicapped or otherwise chained to a chair/bench/or other seating vessel? Well just start clapping as hard as you can every 10 seconds and occasionally hoot and holler to burn, burn, burn those calories.



BTW: Does anybody else think we could save some time and some eye strain if we substituted Speaker Pelosi for an “applause” sign like on TV?

Now the following rant come courtesy of my FinL and I take no responsibility for it’s content, validity, truthfulness, or any other legal-type words. Enjoy:

After Obama's speech last night you get the feeling that he going to require banks to extend credit to small business to get things rolling again. It just seems to me that "BANKS JUST DON'T GET IT", I always thought that that bonuses were for a job well done, not for executives who run their companies into the ground. Think about this, here in America if a CEO screws up he or she is given him a golden parachute, in China they stand them in front of a wall and shoot them. Then they send the family a bill for the bullet.

While I don't advocate that method we have to have some reform in this country that rewards achievement, not failure. These Banks for the most part helped get us into this mess and now feel it's not their responsibility to help get us back on track. They take our bail out money and refuse to tell us how they are spending it, then there are some banks that claim they didn't need the money but took it any way. They spend our money on lavish retreats at high end resorts and then look at us us as if we are stupid when we question their acts.

To add to this we have a congress that passes a stimulus package that most of them didn't read. That didn't stop the Republicans from declaring it a failure even before it has a chance to maybe work. Think about this, they hopping it won't work so they can say "I told you so!". Isn't this the same as hopping that American will fail just to prove they are right. But it's just not the Republicans, Nancy and her gang are also to blame. They filled this bill with so much pork that even a gentile might consider keeping kosher. I just know that saving that rat in Nancy's district will but American back on track. Well guess what
"THE POLITICIANS DON’T GET IT EITHER!"

If we are to recover Obama might be right we have to get credit rolling again and put people back to work. So instead of fighting over who's plan won't work, lets fight to make it all work so we can get back on an even keel.

Grandma...Don’t Vote for That Guy!

In case the 2000 “hanging chad” debacle in Florida didn’t worry you enough about our echm...older citizens voting then you either don’t have a pulse or are so blindly in GW’s pocket that your name is Katherine Harris (what...too soon?)!

To avoid such “senior moments” during this upcoming presidential election, a group of concerned Jewish children and grandchildren are heading down en mass to the sunshine state to work with those fogies (Bloggerman’s parents not included...they’re older then dirt but still able to figure out parts of the world wide interweb. Therefore they are excluded from needing help).

The bulk of the story can be found in this LA Times article.

The Jewish Council for Education and Research (a pro-Obama group) is organizing the “Great Schlep” to get informed whipper-snappers down to Florida and help convince, cajole, or even trick those disillusioned retirees that just because Hillary isn’t in the race they don’t have to sink so low as to vote Republican (this is their words...not mine).

On its face the “schlep” provides for interesting fodder. We saw what 2000’s election brought and how different would it have been had there been younger helpers to show the older Floridians how to use the chad ballots so that Pat Buchanan didn’t walk away with most of the southern part of the state. Even though this group is vocally in support of Obama, is it so bad to see young people getting involved? I think they should expand this outreach beyond just Florida. Take it to the farms of Iowa where, sure they believe that gays shouldn’t be allowed to walk down the street much less marry, and that if you don’t own a gun you are a terrorist loving, commie bastard, but deep down they don’t’ have to vote for the old guy and his next mistress. They could vote for the black guy and the other guy who’s white but still acts like a dope. Or they could take the show on the road and send thousands of Jews to Alaska (perhaps even by way of cruise ship) to convince the Eskimos that their Governor really isn’t all that and the bag of sour cream and onion chips she says she is.

And let’s not stop there. Why don’t the GOP faithful take it in reverse and send their old warhorses down to speak to those high schoolers and tell them that GOP is the way to be or that sure you’re 20 and already have 5 kids but you don’t need that tax cut. Instead support our guy who’ll give it to the CEO of a company the gov’t just bailed out.

Ok now I need to go and lie down for a nap. Mrs. Bloggerman has obviously been getting to me!

POTUS, Pets, and Passports

We should have seen this coming. Eight years ago when Bush and Gore were vying for the Presidency, we should have seen this coming. We should have known that every cravat of their lives and those of every other candidate in the future would be probe, prodded, licked, and sucked until a good story comes of it.

The latest comes as a report from the State Department yesterday that Barrak Obama’s passport file was “looked” at three different times by three different people over the last few months. The bulk of the story can be read in the Washington Post, and I really don’t want to delve into the facts too much, but rather I want to focus on what was gleaned from his records.

I don’t know what would be in my “passport file” other then the basics (name, address, dob, ssn, etc.) and the places I’ve traveled. I wonder if Senator Obama has been to the Bahamas or Fiji anytime recently, or if he took a quick jaunt up to Canada last summer to get some R&R?

Really I could care less! What I want to know is do Obama or McCain have pets? I exclude Hillary from this because we know about Socks the Cat (is he still alive?) and Bill’s dog, Buddy. But do Barak and John have pets? Are they pets that are representative of the leader of the free world? I wish somebody had asked this of Bush before the election in 2000.

Even though there are a good amount of Americans (a little over 50%) of them who think that Bush really didn’t win the election of 2000, I think that it wouldn’t have been as close as it was if voters knew and thought about Bush’s choice in pets. A small fu-fu dog (“dinner” as the Mooks likes to call them) is not a pet for a president who so closely resembles Yosemite Sam. Surely Karl Rove or another advisor would have seen this coming…Bush walking solemnly on the West Lawn of the White House with this small ball of hair in tow. I don’t want to go to the other end and say he should have a German Sheppard or a Pit Bull, but certainly a Retriever or Boxer or something would be better.

To close, if we are going to evaluate every word the candidates speak, analyze every person they’ve ever met at a cocktail party, and dig for every bit of dirt that might make a good headline and sell a few more papers, then we should also take the time to evaluate their pets and make sure they properly represent the good ole’ US of A.

STOP! STOP NOW! PLEASE I’M BEGGING YOU, PLEASE STOP!

This is a note to all the presidential candidates out there, please stop trying to be:
1) My best friend
2) My neighbor
3) The everyday man/woman

Didn’t we learn something eight years ago when we elected the slightly retarded son of a former President for the role? He was the common man who was “in touch” with America. Well he proceeded to touch us alright. He touched our security into the toilet; the same goes for separation of church and state and the economy.

As the current group of candidates are ever more analyzed, probed, and prodded they yield their sense of right and wrong to the advice of pundits and advisers who tell them, for example, going on the David Letterman show is a good idea. Today’s example is Barak Obama.

Mr. Obama you are not a funny man. That’s not an insult, just the truth. Not everybody can be funny. I am but there are some people that would debate that as well. Your delivery is staunch and reserved, not outgoing, which is (again) not a bad thing. I would like a president who has an austere look and feel (better then the goober in the oval office now). You were reading the list provided to you by Letterman’s writers, who in their own right, aren’t funny. You are speaking to people who stay up to 1130pm or later at night. They tend to be college students and the chronically unemployable, both of which aren’t large, important voter blocks.

Your delivery of the #1 on the Top 10 List: Vice President Oprah is again not funny. Ignoring the obvious fact that it was a joke, but if you think the American public hates Hillary, just try putting Oprah on your ticket. Even Dr. Phil would vote for the Republican. Furthermore as we all know, the #1 is never as funny as the #2 yet the crowd still goes bananas...again the chronically unemployed!

Now if you can read this blog chances are that you have a job (and shame on you for reading this during working hours…and shame on me for writing this during working hours) and you were sleeping during Mr. Obama’s floundering on National TV. For you, here’s the video:

STOP THE MADNESS!!!

Two more quick things:
1) I’m now 10% of who I used to be (down 18 pounds since October)!
2) Today’s Fun Friday Fact: A jiffy is actually 1/100 of a second.