Should I Watch NBC Sports

If ESPN actually scripted an action plan for how to deal with a potential story I would imagine that they would try to cover every angle including how to break into their regular programing (even though more of it is live today then ever before). While if they went thought this practice they might have made a list of potential big events, they would have been hard pressed to predict that two crazy brothers would plant bombs at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.

With all that said, one thing they could have planned for was a male athlete in one of the "big 4" sports (football, baseball, hockey and basketball) would come out to the world as a gay man. In fact even if this didn't make their list, it's been talked about so much in the past year that somebody would have surely added it on there. And even if that didn't register, surely when they "broke the news" that Baylor basketball player Brittney Griner came out as a lesbian somebody would have gone over to the other side of Mel Kipper's draft board and jotted down a note.

If you answered yes to any of the above questions. you'd be dead wrong. When the news broke late Monday morning that NBA free agent, Jason Collins wrote a first hand message that he was coming out in this week's issue of Sports Illustrated, ESPN was in the middle of a programing block. A LIVE programing block. LIVE as in, we could break in at any time simply by handing our anchors a piece of paper with a note on it. But they chose to hold back. While the rest of the known universe was on Twitter and even FOX News learning about the details and reading the article. ESPN was debating how to break the story.

They did finally say something 2.5 hours later by opening up the Outside the Lines show with the story. Then things took a turn for the worse. The show brought on NBA commentator, Chris Broussard. The interview started with the basics but with a few minutes left to go, Broussard was asked what HE thought of the announcement. Completely forgetting that he is paid to be a commentator about the NBA and not religion or other sentiments that should be left outside of the office, he launched into a diatribe about how he's a "christian" (I choose to use lower case here because he doesn't deserve capitalization) and how Collins is "living a life of sin".

For his efforts, Mr. Broussard is yet to be suspended for his hate speech. In fact ESPN management has come out and said they support his comments and he was asked for his opinion. Um..yeah....his opinion about how Collins will be viewed by other players and his future in the league, not his thoughts on the Bible. Tell you what....I don't like the fact that Mr. Broussard eats pork. That's a sin in the Bible, how come nobody comes down on him for that?

A few years back, Tony Kornheiser made a comment on his ESPN radio show about the outfit that a female Sports Center anchor was wearing. He said her red go-go boots and short skit took attention away from the stories she was reporting. He was 100% correct and he got a suspension for it. Mr Broussard goes on a hate filled rant and tries to use religion as a defense and gets the support of ESPN Brass. As it has been said, "That's a Paddlin'."

ESPN has proven over the last 5 years or so of being less and less relevant in the sports world. Their flagship program, Sports Center, spends more time playing compilation highlights to music then they do showing you what happened in the game. Every anchor now has to have a catch phrase and many of them are contrived and offer no humor or value. Many more of us (myself included) are getting our sports elsewhere. Speaking for myself, I watch MLB Network when I want baseball highlights and follow Twitter when I want info on pretty much anything else.

What Did He Say and Football Doesn't Take a Break

Did you hear about the new program by the Drug Enforcement Agency. They are really in over their heads. Nobody seems to know what is being said on the wire taps so they’re looking for people to help out.
They have plenty of people who speak Spanish, French (all that Canadian coke coming across the border), Chinese, etc. It seems they are missing a key group of language speakers, Blacks. Yep...you read that correct.

The DEA is looking for Ebonics Translators. When I heard this I was so excited when my coworkers told me. Immediately I thought of the scene from Airplane, “Excuse me stewardess, I speak Jive.” Then I also thought about the Big L song “Ebonics” where he breaks down the slang in rap music. Basically the Government could save a ton of money and just have all their analysts take a listen to the song and they’d be set. However I was a bit disappointed that I had been scooped by the folks over at SB Nation. Heck they even found a YouTube version of the song with the lyrics written out. Well my hats off to you gentlemen. Great minds think alike. But never one to be outdone, I direct your attention to this post over at WuTang Corporation for an even more complete version of how to talk the talk.

But if all this is still a little overwhelming for you, just give me a call. I’d be glad to come in there and provide the “white” translation.

Today, ESPN reports that Notre Dame University and NBC Television have announced a change in NBC’s coverage of Notre Dame football. Unfortunately we still have to endure four hours of gold helmets going nowhere (sometimes backwards) but at least we can do it with shorter commercial breaks. Yep. New head coach, Brian Kelly has brought his “spread” offense over from his last job at University of Cincinatti and frankly he’s worried about viewers missing some of the action. Actually he’s really more worried about his players having to sit around in a TV time out during commercial breaks.

Really? Is that what you’re concerned with? Perhaps we might want to focus on winning games, or start small by moving the football forward on offense. After five years under Charlie Weiss they barely managed to pull a 500 record from their ass (35-27 to be exact). Perhaps we could focus on the whole point of college and make sure our players graduate with degrees (actually on this one they are always in the top 5 schools nationwide with over 90% of their players finishing with a degree).

So today we’ve learned that you only need to listen to rap music to figure out what’s being said on wiretaps and Notre Dame should just go play football and focus on winning now and again. Let the networks worry about the commercials. They are paying your salary. You dig?

Things That Are On My Nerves

There will most likely be more but chew on these for a while: (in no particular order)

1) Facebook friends who have decided that every post is going to be an obscure reference or quote that is clearly not their original work but they can’t be bothered to reference it

2) My Computer which has decided to alternate between slow and “F-U...I’m not working any more)

3) The Democratic Party. It’s a nationally televised healthcare conference hosted by the President. Get your s#$%t together and be on the same page. If you can’t handle that then you don’t get to come.

4) The Republican Party. I don’t care if you don’t like the President’s plan. If you don’t come with one of your own and facts to back it up you don’t get to come and get your face-time in. If you don’t like it then give up your (personal) healthcare plan until you can get something passed for the public.

5) ESPN. You can’t suspend Mr. Tony. Hanna Storm (pictured) does look like a mix between a well dressed call girl and a reject from an American anime movie. He hit the nail on the head.

6) The fact that even though it’s 20 degrees outside I have to run the air conditioner in my office to avoid heat stroke

Bliss, Earthquake Requests, and Speed

Breathe deeply my dear readers. Yesterday was a yearly phenomenon that has been occurring since the dawn of time (or at least for most of the last 100 or so years). Baseball’s opening day occurred all over this great land (except where it was raining, snowing, or windy). Included in those festivities were my New York Mets enjoying the lovely spring weather in Cincinnati. Yes, the fans were out in the cold rain as the temperatures dropped from a perky 49 at first pitch to a slightly annoying 40 degrees by the seventh inning. Oh how those out in the bleachers looked pleased to be there. It was truly their smiles that brought out the glow on the field. Or was that the lights in the stadium because the sun never came out. I can’t really complain (or can I?) because the Mets showed strong defense, pitching, and timely hitting to start the season off on a high note with a win, but when will Major League Baseball get that just because it’s April, it doesn’t mean it’s warm and sunny all over the US! For the future, let’s try to keep all opening day games south of Kansas City, unless the home team has a dome/retractable roof. This way we can actually get all the games in on the first day.

I never want to encourage hurting people (unless I really don’t like them), but I have a request for the folks over at the US Geological Survey (the Federal agency in charge of creating earthquakes) could pinpoint a Magnitude 7 earthquake right under the anchor desk of the new Sports Center studio in Los Angeles. I don’t want to have any of the camera crew or other technical people hurt, I just want a small hole to open in the Earth’s crust and swallow Stuart Scott whole! Whose bright idea was it to put Sports Center in LA? The show takes place entirely in a windowless studio...why the hell would I care that they are now in Los Angeles? Additionally the “suits” over in Bristol, CT didn’t plan this launch around some major area sporting event (the above mentioned Opening Day” isn’t really large enough to count). If they were launching “Sports Center Detroit” (Final 4) or “Sports Center New Hampshire” launching on April 12 (Big Wind Day) it would make a little more sense. Also the aforementioned lazy eyed host (Scott) needs to have somebody show him the back of his head in a mirror. Either shave your whole head or grow your hair out, not only is the Mohawk look OUT, but you’re like 40 years old...nobody thinks your cool...stop trying!

Finally today, last week I spoke of a new sprinting work out that I’m experimenting with to increase my running speed. You can go back and read the whole thing here. But the bottom line is here are the distances run, the times I should be hitting, and finally my average times from yesterday.

10 x 100 yards / 15-18 seconds / 17-19 seconds
8 x 80 yards / 11-15 seconds / 13-15 seconds
6 x 60 yards / 8-11 seconds / 10-12 seconds
4 x 40 yards / 5-8 seconds / 7-9 seconds

So I am hitting the goal comfortably in some distances but struggling in the shorter ones. Now I went all out on the 40 yard dashes yet my time (in running shoes on a grass/mud soccer field) would barely register at the NFL Combines (on dry turf with cleats) among the 300+ pound linemen run and blown away by the world record sprinters. Oh well, I guess I have to keep plugging away (or put on 200 pounds).

Charred Monkeys and Sunshine

Add today’s entry to things that happened that I couldn’t make up if I was deep into LSD, Ecstasy, and went on a $40,000 Coke binge.

1) Maybe We Should Try Ham?
Actual headline in today’s Washington Post, "3 Charred Monkeys Found in Luggage at Dulles Airport." It seems that a nice old man from the Central African Republic who was coming to DC to visit his son, was temporarily detained by US Customs officials. I think that the conversation at the counter went something like this:

“Are you bringing in any animals, plants, or fruits today?” (a standard question)
“Why yes…I have several pounds of deer meat in my bag.”
“Oh. Well we’ll have to confiscate that. Do you have anything else to declare?”
“No not really. Well I do have 3 charred monkeys in my other bag. Can I keep those?”
“Um…let me check with my supervisor.” “Yeah, we are going to have to keep those too…if they were chimps perhaps…but monkeys are clearly a no-no.”
“Damn! That was supposed to be Christmas dinner…now what am I going to do?”

2) Weather Forecasting Insights
One of the reasons that I avoid listening to the news in general and weather reports in particular on the weekends is that the local stations generally put up their “B-Team” announcers. These are generally less experienced reporters who are trying to break into a big market. One such case was this weekend when Mrs. Bloggerman and I were driving home around 3pm. The weatherman on WTOP actually said this:

“The sun will stick around until sunset tonight.”

Um….er….uh…..[shaking head uncontrollably] what the @$#@#!!!! Were we just supposed to ignore that little nugget of genius? Wait…can I guess how the overnight will go: The sun will remain down until sunrise tomorrow. Did I get it right? One word my friend: douchewaffle!

3) Ultimate Couch Potato Contest

“Do you plan life events to avoid conflicting with the sports calendar? Does your TV have two settings: OFF and SPORTS? Do you think the inventor of the yellow first down line should be awarded the Nobel Prize for physics? Then ESPN Zone’s Ultimate Couch Potato Competition is for you! “

Yep that’s right. Can you sit on your ass for at least 8 hours at a time in front of giant TV screens with unlimited food and beverages? Think you’ve got what it takes to hang with the laziest of the lazy? Well test your skill on New Years Day in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor at the ESPN Zone.

This is pretty much the lowest of the low. We as a society can’t sink much farther down the pole of pure sloth-dom. With that said I was really thinking of entering until I head you only get bathroom breaks once every 8 hours….Ugh…too long to “hold it in.”

Final Games, Bleacher Creatures, and the 4-Letter

I know that the final game at Yankee Stadium last night was the lead story of ESPN’s broadcast of the game last night but I want to take issue (surprise surprise) and with a few things.

1) ESPN (main channel) not taking the live coverage of the pre-game events until just before the first pitch. This is just unacceptable. Nobody (and let me repeat this for emphasis) NOBODY cares about the last few NFL wrap up scores. If you really have to show it to honor a contract of sorts, run it on ESPN News or on ESPN Classic, or even on the Ocho. This IS the most important story in sports today and should have superceded anything else. For that matter it probably should have been shown on dare I say it, Fox, so that everybody could see it.

2) The “Rollcall”. There is nobody who doubts that Yankee fans are the among the lowest forms of dirt on earth but those “bleacher creatures” that “live” in the right field bleachers are the lowest of the low. Every home game they issue a rollcall of the starting line up. Following the first pitch of every game they chant the name of each player (beginning with the left fielder) until they respond with a wave or doff of the cap. Well these drunken, knuckle-dragging fools began their chant and got around to right fielder Bobby Abreu. They begin chanting his name (while the pitch is being thrown) and sure enough he has to chase a ball back to the fence. They keep chanting his name while he’s running back to field the ball. Here’s a hint to those dopey fans….stop chanting altogether. The players don’t care. Much of the other mouth-breathers in the stadium don’t care. And most of all your kids don’t care. You are the worst of the worst and the players would try just has hard if those seats were completely empty.

3) One more complaint on ESPN’s coverage. It might have taken the casual fan at least 3 innings of baseball before they knew that the Yankees were actually playing another team and that the team was the Baltimore Orioles (even though the O’s were up 2-0 in the 2nd inning). Again (as noted above) the story here was Yankee Stadium but we could make more then a passing comment about the team from “Charm City”.

Ok on to some compliments:

1) Fans on the field. Yankee management allowed fans to walk the warning track and the foul territory starting at 1pm today. A friend (and frequent NBLAJ commenter) said she was not planning on going to scoop up some warning track dirt or take a small clipping of grass but Bloggerman did not get a chance to reach her by phone to confirm at the time of this printing.

2) Opening Ceremonies. With the exception of getting actors to play the 1923 starting lineup these ceremonies were for the most part a classy affair. Two highlights for me were Willie Randolph sliding into second base during his introduction and Don Larson scooping up dirt on from the pitcher’s mound into a baggie he had brought out with him.

Look Shea is my team’s home and I will be very sad to see it closed (hopefully with a World Series win) but Yankee Stadium towers in comparison of an icon and since the Yankees are not going to the post season (smile) this deserves to be a big, hyped, important event.

Gold....Wow! Also...That’s a Sport?

The US Men’s Olympic Basketball team won the gold medal in Beijing the other day. WOW! What an amazing accomplishment...you mean to say that our professional players who play in the top league in the world with the best players in it, who make the most money, beat the professionals from other countries who maybe only sport one or two NBA players on their rosters. Wow we are sooo good. I can’t believe we pulled it off.

To hear the pontificators and sportscasters tell the story (ESPN, Sports Illustrated, Fox Sports) we should be in shock that the best players in the world beat everybody else! Not only that but the nice folks at Sports Center (including Stuart “please stop talking like you’re a 20 year old hip-hopper” Stuart) kept using the phrasing “our first gold medal in 8 years.” Really? The USA has gone eight years without winning a gold medal? Is it perhaps because the summer Olympics are held ONCE EVERY 4 YEARS!! Hey idiots, that means that we’ve only Not Won gold once in that period. Get it straight, we’ve not claimed the top title in Olympic (not world) basketball just once, not 8 straight years! It’s the kind of Tony Kornheiser moment when I start screaming at my TV.

This reminds me, if we are so good at Basketball, why is it still an Olympic sport? The IOC is canceling baseball and softball because of US dominance (we didn’t win gold in either this year!) so why not cancel basketball. Well the answer is simple; the IOC is composed mainly of Europeans who are great at basketball but awful at baseball/softball so we’ll just cancel them. And with a few sports being canceled, the agenda opens up a few slots for some new sports like BMX bicycling. Huh? BMX...you mean like in the “X-Games”?

I’m sorry but I saw the gold medal races for both the Men and the Women and all I was rooting for was for everybody to fall at once (almost happened in the Men’s race). This should not be an Olympic sport. Of course there are other sports that have medals awarded that deserve to be dropped quicker then 4^th period math.

Synchronized Swimming and Rhythmic Gymnastics: These don’t really need much explanation. They are dancing in the water and on a gym mat. Either let Ballroom Dancing in or kick them all out...no major athletic talent needed...just dance your ass off.

Race Walking: Um....Walking is a sport? Look 50 kilometers is a long distance (31 miles) and to do it in roughly 3 and half hours is very fast but it’s still WALKING!!

Trampoline: I don’t care what you say about power, grace, beauty, it’s jumping up and down on a trampoline. Anything you can do in your backyard should not be an Olympic sport. And why the hell is this not part of the “gymnastics” category? Who sat down and decided that it should be its own sport? Hopefully the shooting range will cause a stray that veers into this person’s hotel room.

But not to make you think that I have negative feelings about everything that transpired in Beijing. I liked some of the things I saw including the Men’s marathon on Saturday night which produced an Olympic Record or my favorite moment of these games, the Cuban Taekwondo competitor kicking the judge in the face (see video!)

Until London (4 years from now Stuart!!), Toodles!

Have Apple, Will Travel

Finally I can come with good news. The Apple Is Coming! No, not the red coats but the Apple.

That would be the “Home Run” apple from Shea Stadium. It is coming with the Mets when they open their new stadium, Citi Field, next year. Here’s the article from ESPN.

However Jeff Wilpon, the Mets CEO, might want to rethink his biology lessons when he closed with “’I was at Shea Stadium groundbreaking in my mother's belly,’ he said. ‘To be here for Opening Day should be pretty exciting.’"

Um, Jeff, you are a big boy now, you can say you were at the original groundbreaking in your mothers “womb” or if you want to really get biological, “uterus.” This science lesson has been brought to you by the letter “E” and the number “43.567”.

Dear Fan Standing in the Background/Sides During Sports Broadcasts:

Dear Fan Standing in the Background/Sides During Sports Broadcasts:

Do you realize that we can’t see you? All of the antics you pull, hats you hold up, or gang signs you flash; we can’t see them, nor do we want to see them, or you for that matter.

You don’t seem to understand this. You insist on throwing up your index finger in the “Number One” formation to root your team onto victory. Have you ever wandered why the starting pitcher or inside linebacker never holds up a picture of you, chanting “He’s number one!”? Maybe it’s because they, much like me, don’t care.

You are nothing but a blur in the background while the “4-Letter” is broadcasting Sports Center live from Arizona. We will occasionally see you through the gaps between Berman’s hair wisps, Ditka’s chins, or “underneath” (TV Term) an advertiser’s logo coming in and out of breaks. Even then you are out of focus and thus have wasted your time and money trying to get on TV because even your friends and family can’t make out who you are or what team you are rooting for.

Your time could be better spent at the bar throwing back $10 Miller Lites while looking over at the hot girl who’s making eyes at you. Never mind that she’s a prostitute who will probably leave you with an empty wallet and a scorching case of herpes, she’s wearing your team’s jersey. Go for it slugger!

You Can't Say That About a Jewish Carpenter

These days it seems that everybody gets to have a roast that quickly gets turned around into a Comedy Central special. There was a time, not that long ago, when the likes of Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin were slinging the one liners at the Friar’s Club in New York and the guest of honor was just really “honored” to be there. Over time the roast has lost some of it luster and become more of a mainstream event. But even with the increased attention and subsequent television coverage there are still those that go out of their way to make fools of themselves, usually with disastrous results. Many of you may remember Ted Danson in 1993 appearing on stage in blackface while roasting Whoopi Goldberg. Well it turns out that people just can’t leave well enough alone…

Earlier this month, ESPN’s Dana Jacobson was one of the presenters chosen to roast the 4-letter Radio hosts Mike Greenberg and Mike Golick in Atlantic City. By most accounts, Ms. Jacobson was becoming intimate with a bottle Belvedere before she got up on stage and started to ramble a bit too much. Her “set” included an unfortunate “F-Jesus” in reference to Golik’s days as a footballer for the Irish of Notre Dame. Most of the details of the story are in The Atlantic City Press.

As a penalty for her behavior, she was suspended by ESPN for one week and to her credit she took responsibility and issued this apology,

"I am sorry. My remarks about Notre Dame were foolish and insensitive. I respect all religions and did not mean anything derogatory by my poorly chosen words. ...

"My actions at the roast were inappropriate and in no way represent who I am. I won't make excuses for my behavior, but I do hope I can be forgiven for such a poor lack of judgment."

Now onto the reason that this suspension and apology comes out on Tuesday, January 22 when she made the initial comments on Saturday, January 12: it turns out that ESPN probably wouldn’t have done anything other then editing out Jacobson’s “set” when they aired the roast later this month but the religious fanatics came out of the wood works and protested. They included the Catholic League. And now the 4-Letter’s response may not have been good enough. According to a report in the Detroit Free Press, Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, a Catholic rights group, said ESPN's response might be lacking, though, if Internet reports are true that her targets included Touchdown Jesus and Jesus.

Why is it that crazy fanatics can pull their kids out of school to march on Capitol Hill to protest abortion, saying that if you believe in Pro-Choice then you are a heathen and going straight to hell, but when the J-man comes up as a target of effigy then all of the sudden the world should stop and the person slinging the comments should be nailed to the cross? Humm…sounds like a double standard to me. If you want freedom of speech, fine, say whatever you want about whomever you want (excluding me of course). But if you want to keep your religious beliefs holy, keep them there quietly in your own house of worship.

Another note on this debacle of a roast was “headlining comedian” Eddie “I’m still a relevant angry black man” Griffin and his line: "I kind of know my career is over when I'm hired to roast two white guys I never (expletive) heard of." Perhaps ESPN should review the jokes before their read. Or better yet, let’s not “hire” people to do the roast; instead let’s try to find friends and family who actually know the guests of honor to sling the dirt. That way we could keep this debacle to 40 minutes (including the 20 minute musical set by a band that has also never heard of Mike and Mike).

Assorted Friday Ramblings

I have an assortment of things to discuss this morning. So here we go; please keep your hands and feet in the car at all times and keep the restraining harness on.

1) St. Louis Billikens Set a New Low

Last night the George Washington University Colonials helped the St. Louis University Billikens set a new record in men’s college basketball. SLU scored a new low in points during the “shot-clock” era with 20. That’s not 20 in a half, that’s 20 in the game. The final was 49-20 in favor of GW. The bulk of the story is here on ESPN, but what I want to point out is not that the Billikens couldn’t shoot or that GW’s defense was that strong (although they did record 11 blocked shots); rather that GW only scored 49 points. St. Louis had to be getting discouraged by their lack of production and I have to think that GW could have taken better advantage of that on their offensive end. Yet they only scored 49 points. Perhaps GW’s coach, Karl Hobbs, told his guys “to take it easy” on offense, but that doesn’t sound like Hobbs, who could power a small city when running up and down the sidelines. GW is having a really poor season and while they are on the good side of history here, they should have more to show then just 49 measly points.

2) The Meeting Room is Locked

Today I tried something new. I’m trying to get back to running with the group from Pacers that I’ve been with since they started a few years back. Since going on the diet I’ve been weighing in on Saturday morning and thus couldn’t join them for their runs. It’s something I’ve missed terribly and want to start again. So today I figured I go to a weigh in here in DC in the morning before work. The meeting I was supposed to go to started at 730am and should run until 830am, anytime in between I should be able to weigh in. However when I showed up today at 820am the doors were closed and locked and there was a sign on the door saying that this was “an Express Meeting” and ended promptly at 8am. I knocked when I heard voices on the other side of the door and the woman said, “Sorry we’ve locked everything up.” This sucks, I just want to get on a freaking scale and see if I had as good of a week as I think I did. I’m awaiting a call from the company’s customer service department and I want nothing less then one month free for my “mental suffering.”

3) Metro is Considering New Hi-Tech Cars for the Rail System

Of course they a) can’t get the cars for another 5 years and b) the ones they have now can’t run in any semblance of an on-time schedule. But this is not the most disturbing part of the article I read today in the Washington Post. Our friend councilman Jim Graham (see the previous rant on this bow-tie wearing, wussy-dog holding, sissy boy), actually had this to say regarding making a suggested small change to the Metro logo, "…that's weeks of discussion…" Wait a minute; you want weeks of discussion for a simple logo change? Maybe that’s why we needed such a large rate increase (that just went into effect), all the energy that is used during these meetings of Graham talking about the Logo change. Maybe (and this is only a suggestion) we could discuss how to better improve the trains and busses and to teach our employees how to properly interact with the customers they encounter daily. But then again a logo is really important too.

4) A quick note to Washington Capital Fans

Be very thankful for your owner, Ted Leonsis, and his genuine care for the team and the community. Yesterday he signed a 13-year agreement with star forward Alex Ovechkin. Ovechkin is a 22-year old Russian superstar and is even more remarkable because he negotiated the contract with the team by himself. Yes, he DIDN’T use an agent and not only saved commission but also cut out all the BS that comes along with tense negotiating talks those agents usually cause to occur. Leonsis didn’t try to screw him and Ovechkin didn’t try to screw the team. His deal is worth $9M per year for the first 6 years of the deal and $10M per year for the remaining 7 years. This means that even now he represents a smaller portion of the teams salary cap then the 20% maximum allowed for one player by the NHL. This gives the team the money to be flexible in free agency and sign strong players around Ovechkin. This is the kind of move that a savvy veteran makes to help his team win championships, not a 22-year old kid. Kudos to you Alex and you will always have a fan on this blog. PS: Can I get a loan?

New Year, New Me?

Well not really (again, Hertz should be paying me for these constant plugs!) but I am excited for the year upcoming and all the posts to this blog that will accompany it. To start things off I want to thank our hosts for New Years (you know who you are) as both Mr. Blogger and his wife (Mrs. Blogger) had a great time with friends and hope to do it again soon.

Now speaking of New Year’s I want to take a moment to take issue with the so-called “New Year’s Eve” programming that the networks (both broadcast and cable) trotted out this year to entertain those of us sitting at home. Every year, it seems, these bastions of mindless entertainment out do each other in the vapid, idiotic, and down right OUCH they manage to program into a few hours every December 31.

Here is just a sampling of what I saw: (in alphabetical order)

ABC

Dick Clark is alive, we get it. He looks pretty good for a man his age especially considering his recent health scare. However, to hear him talk for even a few moments is intensely painful and reminds us that even before the stroke people accused him of being a robot with human skin. Well to their credit he looks even more so now, only this time around his speech matches his amour plating.

I realize that taking Mr. Clark off the air entirely would leave the job up to Ryan Seacrest (Out) but it might be worth the sacrifice. At least this way I could skip the American Broadcasting Company’s programming all together. Seacrest had some in depth observations when talking to New York mayor Mike Bloomberg. When the mayor said he wouldn’t run for President (I still don’t believe him), Seacrest stood there with the “err…what do I say to this guy now?” look on his face. He did however seem more at ease with Carrie Underwood and the Jonas brothers (who?????)

CNN

Pretty-boy Anderson Cooper hosted from New York and other then the timeouts for national news (the same national news that had been airing since 12pm in the afternoon) was just as painful. Perhaps its my high aspirations for national news networks that they might find better stories in the “crowds” of Times Square then the broadcast networks do but alas, even the mighty CNN went with the “we’ve found a lady and her kids here who are immigrants and she just became a US citizen….” Boy am I excited! WAAA-WOOOO and junk. STOP NOW….

ESPN

To it’s credit at least the “4-letter” didn’t have a correspondent in New York broadcasting live from the ball drop telling us about all the sports celbs in attendance. They also didn’t go live to Alex Rodriguez as A-Rod conveniently dropped by the NBC Carson Daily show (read the whole story here ) to let everybody in America know how much he “loves” New York (and managed to really make me ill with his “makeout session” with his wife at the stroke of Midnight). No instead ESPN took us live to the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas. You know the one, behind “The Strip” on the other side of the expressway, that bastion of Cool and Hip (and cheap….this is one of the places that you get those $30 room specials on-line). There at a specially designed site, we could watch a world record attempt at motorcycle distance jumping. All of that might have been well and good if the show when started at 1130pm EST got right down to the jump and then we could have tuned into another station to see the ball drop in NY. No. That was not the plan. Instead we had to be introduced to 4 “co hosts, “ all of whom were washed up former athletes who nobody in the audience (including their own families) cared anything about. Then we were treated to an hour, that’s right the damn jump didn’t even occur at midnight (in any time zone!), of packages on the preparations for the jump, how the physics of the jump would work, and oh yes, how the “jump measured up to other events in the world of sport that featured supreme acts of athleticism!”

I beg public television to get it’s HD hat in the ring. Please get a camera on the clock and the ball, leave it there and then just after all the confetti is done falling, go to the celebration in the next time zone (Chicago or something). It’s either that or next year I’m going to stick my head in the sand and wait for the tap on the shoulder that it’s now 2009.

Blogger man… OUT!

Wheeled Bags, Menace or Deathtrap? I've Decided

From time to time something I observe aggravates me to the point that I feel compelled to come into this forum and tell you about it. Heck that happens every day with everything in my life but two things today really got under my skin so here we go.

The first item on my hit list is roller bags. These are either in briefcase or backpack form and have two to four wheels and a telescoping arm/handle. The people you see wheeling these things around are in reality too lazy or too infirmed to be allowed to carry anything, anytime, anywhere. It really grinds my gears (shout out to Family Guy fame) when I have to avoid them (as I did way too many times today) on the Metro.

This morning as all 400 of my closest friends tried to cram into one set of doors in a new land speed record, one woman in the middle of the pack had the aforementioned bag in her possession and was trying to roll it over people’s feet so that she could get a spot on the train (which was empty when it pulled into the station). I finally got so annoyed at waiting for her to find an opening that as she wheeled it on to the train; I grabbed at the back and lifted it onto the car for her. Similarly, when I exited to the train today there was another man with a similar bag (this time a backpack on wheels) who also felt he wasn’t quite in possession of the strength to lift his bag and we had to wait for him to gingerly roll it onto the escalator.

Listen up people, if you can’t carry your bag for a few moments as you go thru crowded doorways, up or down escalators, or other crowded thoroughfares then leave them at home. Take a small brown bag for your lunch and leave the computer at the office. What in G-d’s green earth are you hauling in there that could be so heavy? Even laptops from the early 1990’s only weigh in at ten pounds. Are you so week of bone that you can’t manage to carry that for the few feet that would save the rest of us from having our’s run over? The next time I see you I will lift up the bag, remove the wheels and then watch as you “slide” it around!!

The second item on my list is my Fantasy Football team. I am playing this season in a work league through ESPN.com and a recreational league through NFL.com. My NFL league is going fine and I just advanced into the championship game next week. However my ESPN league is not as well. I had a chance to participate in the playoffs as the #3 ranked team in the league (playing the #2 team). And this past week, which ended with last night’s MNF game, I lost my one measly, little point! Can you believe that? One POINT! If I swapped either of my two RBs on the bench for Rudi Johnson (who could only manage 10+ yards against the San Fran defense!!!!!) I could have won! I would have won and advanced into the championship in both leagues. I want to grab Mr. Johnson by the neck (yes I know he’d probably kick my ass but that’s not what’s important now) and ask him why he screwed me so bad.

Ok now back to your regularly scheduled programming. This reminds me that it’s been a while since you’ve had an update on my ever shrinking waistline. Well after an “OK” week I’m down a total of 15.2 pounds in just under 8 weeks. Yeah Me.

Clayton County, Georgia Stirkes Again

Can they be this stupid down there? I know it's a rhetorical question and those of us outside of Gooberville, USA (this term btw doesn't apply to the rest of the Metro Atlanta area evidently) would think that the water company fiasco by Brother-In-Law was caught up in would be enough to make even the Duke boys blush.

But this cesspool of a county can't even pull their heads out of the dark and warm crevasse they are currently up to stop more people from realizing that the politicians and county leaders they elected are also inbreds and incapable of making a common-sense judgement.

Case in point: a snippet from the AP in today's Examiner:

Warden wants satellite TV to watch Monday Night Football
ATLANTA – The warden of the Clayton County Correctional Institution wants permission to spend money for a “management tool,” satellite TV to keep his 226 inmates occupied watching football.

Warden Frank Taylor is asking the Clayton County Commission to let him sign up for direct-broadcast satellite service for less than $100 a month. It would be funded with money collected at the prison’s commissary and pay phones. “The reason is ‘Monday Night Football’ is now on cable,” he said. “Although it might seem funny, when you have 90 percent of inmates watching something, it is a management tool or the institution.” – AP

Well excuse me Warden. I don't want the inmates WHO HAVE BEEN CONVICTED OF CRIMES to be inconvenienced and maybe miss a MNF game. I mean they might riot if they are not allowed to stare longingly into Tony Kornheiser's eyes or orange dome. Oh and think of the shankings and forced sodomies if they miss Suzzy Kolber's insightful interviews of Joe Namith or some other drunk ex-player on the sidelines. Oh the humanity and Won't somebody think of the children!

Maybe I don't understand the situation. Oh wait, yes I do. They are inmates and are spending time in jail to be punished. They don't get Direct TV or Cable or Anything for that matter. They should be locked in their cells 20 hours a day and let out 3 hours a day for meals and 1 hour a day to shower. That's it. That's the List. To think that this dope, Frank Taylor, would have the balls to say, "Well it wouldn't cost much and we can take the money from our commissary sales (about $41,000 last year, give or take)" is outrageous. Perhaps the people of Clayton County might want some of that money. After all isn't the jail itself and the prisoners care paid for by tax dollars. Oh let's not take that money and put it into the schools or the roads or the WATER SYSTEM. Let's instead spend some of it to make our "guests" (prisoners) lives more comfortable.

We wouldn't want them to be inconvenienced by missing their favorite game. Which game on the schedule can they not live without? Is it this weeks match up of Tennessee at Denver which feature teams that have a number of current and soon to be convicts like Adam "Pacman" Jones and Travis "Smoke 'em if you got 'em" Henry. Or is it next week's battle of the winless Miami Dolphins vs. the Pittsburgh Steelers (I can't say anything bad about them because many of their players are on my fantasy team!). Oh I know, the "involuntary guests" (prisoners) must be chomping at the bit at the thought of missing the Week 14 matchup of the New Orleans Saints and their own Atlanta Falcons. Too bad your boy Mike "Mad Dog" Vick won't be suiting up for that one boys.

The citizens of Clayton County should storm the jail today and sting the warden up by his toes and hang him over the side of the building and then they should go into the prison and remove all modern conveniences and let these convicts really be punished. OR you could do your civic duty and call, write, or e-mail the Clayton County Chariman, Eldrin Bell to air your feelings. Don't worry if your not a constituent. Just say you are, they never check.

Address: 2600 Creek Indian Trail, Jonesboro, GA 30236
Home Phone: 770.960.7126
Work Phone: 770.472.8122
e-mail: eldrin.bell@co.clayton.ga.us

Happy Trails!

I'm Pulling for the Patriots? Am I F-in Crazy?

Actually, no. No I'm not. I am pulling for the Pats in their battle against ticket scalping. Here's the quick rundown. The Patriots sued Stubhub (and parent company e-bay) in order to secure the names of the approximately13,000 buyers and sellers of Patriot season and individual game tickets on the site. Yesterday's ruling in favor of the Pats was on an appeal from the lower court who also sided with the team. For full details here's the ESPN.com article.

What I'm most happy about here is not that the big, bad NFL team is trying to get a stranglehold on their ticket sales, but rather that they are cracking down on ticket scalping and allowing fans to buy tickets at reasonable prices. In the worst case example, a 50 yd line seat for the Pats/Jets game in December is posted on StubHub for $1,300. Oh by the way, the face value: $125. So not only is this "fan" trying to unload a ticket they aren't going to use, they're trying to cover the cost of their entire season ticket package! Oh and one more aside, if that fan really "couldn't" attend the game and wanted to sell the ticket so they didn't have to eat it, they could go to Ticketmaster who has a partnership with the club and buy the ticket for face value (and the $30 or so in fees that are legal under Massachusetts law). So would you pay $150 or $1300 for the same tickets? Humm...

I think all sports fans should pay close attention to this story as this could set the precedent for other franchises to go after these jackals (you know how I feel about ticket scalpers) who do nothing more then buy the season ticket plans and resell the tickets for huge profit. Oh and Stubhub of course gets their cut (the percentage of which is not clearly labeled on their site....another indication to buyers that you are getting ripped off).

A Money.CNN.com report earlier this month praised Stubhub and the sites like it for creating a "truly transparent secondary market for tickets." Really? Which part is transparent? That fans are getting ripped off or that scalpers are buying season tickets which real fans have been waiting for (the list for Green Bay Packers season tickets is still 20 years deep) and then selling them piecemeal for huge profits?

I think all sporting teams should take this route. It's not that I don't support a secondary market for tickets, because if you've read the earlier posts about trying to get Springsteen tickets (which arrived yesterday!!!) you'll know I certainly do, but you also know (from those posts) that I detest ticket scalpers who aren't just looking to make their money back on tickets they can't use but to actually turn a profit. And for that matter, where are the DC Police during Wizard and Caps games? How is it that scalpers can sell tickets right in the front of the building? Next time you "have" to buy from a scalper, negotiate and talk them down and above all...ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS see the ticket before buying it!!