Bowling The Way It Outta Be.

Twenty pink pins, ten tight skirts and two occupied lanes. IF it's March, it must be women's college bowling season. Forget your brackets and dreams of a rookie pitcher making the big leagues. There is nothing like Alabama A&M vs. the ladies of Prairie View State. The drama, the tension, the rivalry!

My Nook's library includes "Those Guys Have All the Fun", the 700 page volume on the history of ESPN. Back before 24 hours of Sports Center and Stuart Scott trying to sound slightly relevant the 4-Letter used to fill their programming hours with obscure college sports. This was a little before my formidable years so I am going to take their words for it since I don't have eyeball proof. But after watching ESPNU's coverage of the SWAC Women's Bowling Championship the other night, I have a good handle on what a typical programming block may have looked like.

Let me pause here to assure you I am not railing against bowling, women's sports, or the schools involved. Today's rant is purely about the absurdity of what I saw on tv the other night. In fact I happen to enjoy bowling, sports, and women. (I have no strong feelings about the schools involved).

I'm trying to reconcile these things:

1) Did ESPN run out of games (live or recorded), movies, infomercials, and Football Follies to air when they landed on this gem? I know that we are in between rounds of the Men's tournament, but the women are playing and what about airing some classic games from years past? I'd like to see Santa Clara from the early 90s with Steve Nash or Duke vs. Kentucky with Hill to Laettner. Hell even a good Vince Offer  infomercial would have provided more excitement.

2) How is bowling (men or women) a college sport? Do you get a scholarship for this? Are there big-time recruiting wars for the top bowlers? Do high school bowlers have signing day press conferences where they coyly reach for the hat from Tech but then grab the State hat and slam it on with a smile on? Anything I can do while drunk is not a sport. Just remember that. Again I need to remind you that I'm not against women's sports. These girls hit 150 in the 7th frame I hit it in the15th frame (if I'm lucky). They would whip my ass no doubt but then again I'm not trying for a scholarship...I go bowling for the beer and the second hand smoke.

3) The SWAC (Southwestern Athletic Conference)? Really? The last time I heard of the SWAC, SMU was on a football death penalty, Texas Tech was led by Billy Jo Toliver at QB. I didn't think it even existed anymore. Low and behold...it's still alive and kicking. Yeah for college athletics!

These are valuable questions. Democrats blame Republicans, Republicans blame Women, and Women...well they bowl. But is this the downfall of our society or is it white bread?  I report, I decide. You should just be happy you get to hear me.

Gatorade in the Stands, Racists Under Center, and Panhandling

Welcome back dear readers (and deer readers too...I loved you in Bambi). The changes are still being finished up (including those to better the content of the site) but in the meantime the posting needs to continue so here we go with today’s list of things that bother, irk, pester, vex, and generally amuse me.

We start today with football . While at the Jets game this past Sunday I found that the vendors were hawking the usual delectable goodies, beer, beer, beer, hotdogs, beer, and beer. But wait; is that guy over there selling what I think he is? Is that Gatorade? Yes...yes it is. But why? Did the team order too much for the players on the field to use before it went bad and they’re trying to make some of their money back on the purchase? Not likely. Are they fans in the stands subject to extreme heat that could cause them to dehydrate and pass out and desperately need the extra electrolytes provided by the sugary-sweet beverage? Not when it was about 45 degrees at gametime. Oh...it must be because the fans are so rabid that they are jumping up and down at a frenzied pace to equivalize their efforts to that of a marathon runner....humm...that doesn’t seem to be the case either. Instead, I offer the fact that people have become so addicted to the sweetness and the perceived benefits of drinking sports drinks of any kind that it has become akin to soda. Truth be told, you can do just as well drinking water when it comes to moderate athletic activity (30 min and less). I also think that the vending companies could do much better business in the late fall and winter (in the cold parts of the US) by selling cup-of-soup. Just think you could have the beer guy pass the cream of mushroom guy in the isles and people would like up at the concession stand to grab a hot dog and a chicken-noodle or even split pea. Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time to buy stock in Campbell’s.

Continuing on the football discussion it seems that not everybody in the county is a big fan of our President-elect. Not a surprise as he didn’t gain 100% of the votes. But this story just came across my desk about the back up center for the University of Texas football team, Buck Burnette. On election night Mr. Burnette posted a message on his Facebook Page: “all the hunters gather up, we have a n[#$%&]er in the whitehouse”. Only he didn’t edit that one word. Either way word got to UT head coach Mack Brown who gave Burnette the old heave-ho off the team. In Burnette’s defense, he did post an apology after taking down the quote the next day. Here we go...the kid is only 20 years old from a small town in Texas. His actions were stupid and yet another example of people not getting that FACEBOOK is seen by everybody and nothing you post is ever “private”. Does he deserve to be kicked off the team for the remainder of this season? Yes. However, he should have the opportunity to compete for a slot next season (he’s only a sophomore) but first he needs to issue an apology (in person) to all of his teammates for his comments and letting them down. There are posts out there that argue he should only be suspended for a game or two. I have to disagree as this is the kind of thing that can divide a locker room full of players from all sorts of backgrounds, especially when that team is still in the hunt for the National Championship. It really doesn’t matter what happens because it’s doubtful this kid will come back to play at UT. More then likely he’ll have to transfer to a new campus because of all the pressure and dirty looks he’ll encounter for as long as he stays at UT. My only suggestion as to new locals is for Mr. Burnette to avoid Furman and Grambling...just to be safe.

The one offensive formation that no football team has ever tried is the “Panhandle”, perhaps that’s because it’s hard to beg the defensive team for some change and possibly a touchdown...besides those pants are tight, where would they keep their quarters? I’m reminded of this because of a guy I passed on my way back from lunch with just a cup out in front of him shaking it. What made this the universal sign for “spare some change?”? Is the “ask” (as Mrs. Bloggerman says) different in other countries? I’m not sure and I’m not sure if you really care. I was also interested in the origin of the term “panhandle” and came across this on Yahoo Answers:

"Panhandler" is said to derive from the Spanish "pan", meaning both bread and money (just as the American slang "bread" does today). But though it is supposed to have been first recorded in 1890, the earliest quotation I am able to find for it is in the humorist George Ade's 'Doc Horne'(1899): " He had 'sized' the hustler for a 'panhandler' from the very start". However, the fact that Ade put the word in quotation marks probably indicates that he did not invent it, as has often been claimed. QPB Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins By Robert Hendrickson

Whatever the origin of the term...they do have some great signs (follow this link to DevineCaroline.com’s pictures of the best signs posted). Here are a few of them: