Nobody to Vote for and Revenge (US Postal style)

How is it possible that on my first election day as an eligible voter in the state of Maryland there's nothing to vote for? I don't mean that there's a bunch of unworthy and ungrateful candidates and a slew of ballot initiatives that are only going to add to my tax bill. I mean there are NO anything. I have no national elected races, no state races, not even an stinking local race for dog catcher (that would be a fun position to hold though!). I'm sitting here when I should be out at the polls because there is literally NOTHING to vote on today in my district. (A note here should be made wishing Ryan Spegal the best of luck in the Gaithersburg city council race tonight).

I should admit that this development isn't all bad. There are a slew of races (I used slew twice in once post...it's going to be a tag!) in Virginia that are bringing out all the slime that is associated with politics especially the campaign ads. The best one I saw (and I can't for the life of me remember this guy's name) was for a state Senate seat. The candidate is an older guy and they have him dressed in a circa 1973 sweat suit hitting a speed bag which is dusted in talc so every time he hits it, a puff of smoke comes off. The juxt of the ad is that he is "fighting" for his constituents, but the best part is the end when they show him running up the steps of the State House in Richmond as if he were Rocky Balboa. I swear he looked like he was going to keel over dead if they made him do it again. I have a special prize to the first person that can tell me who the candidate is and send me a link to the video!!!

On to going POSTAL, or rather using the US Postal Service to help me get revenge on the advertisers. Yesterday I posted (shame on you if you have to click the link because you didn't already read it!) about Andy Rooney's tips for getting back at telemarketers and junk mailers. Well today I got three in the mail and tomorrow I'm sending three out. Southwest's Visa card department is getting a coupon for a free gallon of milk if they buy any 4 varieties of General Mills cereals (conditions apply), Omaha Steaks is getting a free sample of Glide dental floss (now with the freshening power of Scope) and State Farm is getting a coupon of some sort from Popeye's chicken (frankly it was an hour ago and I don't remember what it's for). The bottom line is that I was feeling stressed and under the weather when I got home but now I feel great and it's all thanks to fat Andy Rooney.

Speaking of fat, I'm still waisting away. Down another 2.0 pounds this week for a total of 6.4 pounds. I've done away with the picture that accompanies this news because of various complaints that it looked like crap. You're right it did so now it's gone. If only getting rid of a certain blogger that you love to hate were that easy.

She's a Scrapper, ORiley Likes The Brothers, and How do I get on the Field and Beat Willie Randolph Sensless

See this is what happens when I go away for a few days (well I didn't go anywhere, just didn't post). All h-e-double hockey sticks breaks loose and now I have to catch you up and complain about it.

1) My dog is a scrapper. She's like Rocky Balboa, she gets hit on the nose a lot, busts an eye and then decides to start fighting. So we're jogging the other night and we run into another dog about her size and her owner. I ask the owner if they can meet and we both agree on it. The two dogs are getting along great just sitting next to each other staring at traffic for almost 2 minutes straight. Then they start to "circle" and the next thing you know I need a ring girl to tell me what round it is! The judges ruled it a "split decision" although the only apparent split was the cut on my Pup-a-lup's eye. Took her to the fight doctor today (vet) who ruled her eligible for the rematch which was good to hear.

2) Bill O'Riely evidently likes soul food but is surprised that blacks can run a restaurant in Harlem. Read it here. Of course he decides to share this with his audience, which includes my favorite quote:

I couldn’t get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia’s restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it’s run by blacks, primarily black patronship.

Perhaps he was waiting for the rap music to come on and everybody in the dining room to break into an impromptu Humpty Dance making the place look like a scene from the Black Drew Carey Show.

But perhaps the biggest pisser for me is that he is trying to apologize for his comments. Why? He's a racist and a bigot but so is Rush Limbaugh and he's never apologized because he (like O'Riley and even Imus) never said anything that was illegal. If you don't like their opinions, don't listen to their shows. But no, he had to try apologizing. Now we have to see Fat Al Sharpton and his Insta-Perm on TV (you need a wide screen to fit his head) for the next week and a half decrying how blacks are mistreated my the racist media and how they never get a fair shake.

Maybe if fat Al (not to be confused with Fat Al Gore) would shut HIS trap and not make everything said by obvious jerkoffs like O'Riley into the return to slavery, the black community could voice their own opinion and we could all really learn how they feel and not how their "self proclaimed" representatives feel about the matter.

Ugh!

Oh yeah 3) Willie Randolph, at what point are you planing on getting your team fired up? Does your shoulder still hurt? Is that why you haven't gone out to argue a close call or a ball/strike call...calling the umpire Crash Davis' favorite term for the men in blue and getting tossed, while in the process firing up your ball club? Or are you waiting for them to finish the collapse they started last month and not get into the playoffs. That way you can rehab your shoulder on the golf course. Shhh...don't tell Fat Al....he might protest me saying that I'm a racist because the idiot manager of my favorite ball club is a chump (I said "chump"...stop it!)

By the way I'm taking back the "term" P-Monks-4-Life!!! (just saw Clerks 2)