John....Leon...What’s the Difference and Miss Kitty (is dead).

See I’m not the only one. Mrs. Bloggerman swears that I can’t remember the difference between Leon Panetta (CIA Director) and John Podesta (Chief of Staff to President Clinton). She’s right. However I’m not the only one. In today’s DC Examiner we learn that Rep. Bill Pascrell (D-NJ) has that same problem. Plus he has the additional problem have having his name sound a lot like another former New Jersey-ite, Bill Parcells. But on with the story. Rep Pascrell was introducing Mr. PANETTA at a Capitol Hill luncheon last week and refereed to him three times as “John”. Now call me stupid (ok you can stop now) but even the most burned out, drugged up, drunken heavy medal guitarist can remember what city they are in (as in “Kalamazoo, Michigan, you rock!”) by simply taping the name of that stop on the neck of their axe. A sane person might think that Mr. Pascrell would have thought to write down Mr. Panetta’s name on an index card to reference, especially seeing how close it is to Mr. Podesta. He didn’t and now we laugh! HA HA HA. Ok that’s enough.

Don’t some pets have it bad enough with out being called something really stupid (again...comments about Bloggerman’s pet is not necessary)? While some of you are at least creative or sentimental there are plenty of lazy pet owners who name their dog, Rex, Scraps, Rover, or even Mr. Fluffy Tail. Feline owners are no better with Paws, Scratcher, Wiskers and the like. However even with that vomit inducing lineup there is at least one person out there who is so bad that they need to be stopped. I submit for you Thomas Shad of Miami, Florida who’s cat went by the name of “Miss Kitty”. Well Mr. Shad, if you weren’t already out, now would be a good time to take that big, bold step out of the closet! This is normally the point where I start really laying in to Shad and the rest of his insufferable bunch but the only reason I know of his cat’s name is because Miss Kitty is dead along with several dozen other cats at the hands (supposedly) of Tyler Hayes Weinman, 18 who was arrested yesterday on multiple charges of stealing and mutilating cats in his neighborhood. All I can say his I really hope that he did do it and the justice system finds him guilty and he’s put away for a long time. There is a certain sick personality trait needed to perform these kinds of crimes and I’m not sure that whatever time he gets behind bars will be enough. So help him if I get my hands around his neck. I think that might cure him (and us) of the evil that men do.

Lastly as a bonus, I want to thank Alfred Rava who in his ultimate “jerk-dom” and “douchewaffle-ness” helped boost the daily readership of Nobody Likes a Jerk into the triple digits. It turns out that we are among many front page Google results for Mr. Rava.

Alfred G. Rava, You’re a Douchewaffle

Here I was thinking that I was the slime of the earth. After all I’d step over an homeless invalid if there was only one free sample left at Whole Foods. But Al Rava takes the cake. This wart on a sick elephants ass is suing the Oakland Athletics because he didn’t get a free promo item when he went to the ball park last month.

I think we’ve all be there, at one point or another, we’ve all gone to a game (or other event) where a promotional item was handed out to the first (insert amount here) guests. When you got there after they were out of stock, you may have been a little upset but you got over it and continued on with your event visit. But Mr. Rava was not having that. He was really pissed that he didn’t get his promo item when he went to the ball game in Oakland on May 8, 2004.

Hey Blogerman, wasn’t that Mothers Day 2004?

Yes, young reader it was.

But why would this guy want a Mother’s Day Promotion?

Well, Mr. Rava was really digging all the women (first 7,500) who were sporting their free floppy, plaid sun-hats. He must have thought it would go great with his fishnet stockings and leather gloves. Rava claims it was a fishing hat.

Look this whole thing is making me ill just thinking about it. Bottom line is Rick Riley said it much better in today’s column (Thanks to my Former Mistress for the link)

This guy is even lower then Roy Pearson, Jr. (the former DC lawyer who sued a dry cleaner for $54 million over his lost pants), and based on the fact that truly, NOBODY LIKES A JERK, we here at NBLAJ request your assistance in making sure this guy get’s his comeuppance.

Please take the time to contact the following agencies and complain about his actions:

Do in the nice way, contact the California Bar Association: 1-800-843-9053 (toll free in California) or 213-765-1200 (from outside California). You can also fill out their online complaint form.

Or you can do it in the Bloggerman way: call his offices, e-mail him, spam him, and overall make his professional life a living hell. He is scum, and should be disbarred immediately.

The Rava Law Firm

3667 Voltaire St

San Diego, CA 92106

Phone Number (619) 238-1993

Fax Number (619) 374-7288

e-mail : alrava@cox.net


This has been another public service announcement brought to you by the letters “F” and “U” (funny how they are all brought to you by those same letters)

Idea for a Bumper Sticker and More Crap We Don’t Need

If you’ve read this space you all know my seething hatred for most things bumper sticker. However passing a ve-hic-le today parked in front of my office I had a moment of clarity and brilliance:

My Other Kid is an Honor Student at [Fill in the Blank] Elementary School

OR

My Other Kid is Smarter Then This One.

(you can put this one on your kids first car as they pull up to the High School for the first time)

Also today: More Crap We Don’t Need: The underwater pogo stick. Evidently, because the sale of ground based pogo sticks has really taken off since they were introduced back in the 30’s and made regular rounds on 50’s TV shows. it only seems natural that the best way to improve a crappy product is make a version for the pool.

The douchewaffles at HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER have decided that simply cooling off in the pool and splashing your little sister until she cries is not enough fun. Nope...you have to “perform a variety of waterborne stunts” as well. Now I may be a bit old fashioned here but when I was a kid that phrase included cannonballs, back flips, and finding that really “comfortable” spot near the water jet. Pogosticking was not on that list. Go figure, the product is made in Canada!