6 Degrees of Zac Effron?

No wait, that’s not right. It’s supposed to be six degrees of Kevin Bacon, but not anymore.

Yes you did hear it correctly. Paramount Pictures in their ultimate wisdom, er, attempt to make a quick buck, are remaking the 1984 classic film about rebel kids, music, and dancing in a small, conservative Iowa town. The remake (scheduled for 2008 release) will star High School Musical lead, Zac Efron.

I will choose to forgo the ease of shooting Mr. Eforn’s illustrious acting ability in the proverbial barrel just as I won’t even begin to start in on the spelling of his name or his hair, all of which should be enough to beat him to a bloody pulp and stuff him in the locker. Instead I will choose the folks at Paramount Pictures to be the target of my latest wrath.

It seems that when the major studios are not busy releasing the 43^rd sequel to any movie that was even remotely popular and thus diluting our fine cinematic heritage they are remaking part of my childhood. Now I held my tongue when the Incredible Hulk was remade into a computer generated stinker, likewise I won’t even fret about Alvin and the Chipmunks (although those folks should also hang upside down by their toenails). But I cannot find the same restraint here.

According to interviews with creators Craig Zadan and Neil Meron (Zadan was a creator of the original movie), they are going to use the same premise and some of the same songs but “…will have brand new arrangements that will make them more appropriate for a contemporary audience.”

AGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

That was the sound of me screaming at the top of my lungs! Why??? Do you not have a single good, ORIGINAL, idea left.

Ok now that I’ve got that out of my system, I have some questions for the creators:

1) You are going to use the same premise? How? In what part of this country is rock music and dancing still taboo? The catch to the original was that it was the devil’s music and the Christian (there they go again running my fun) community was totally against it. How can that still apply? For crying out loud, they have their own genre of music (several of them) and those genres have their own high powered radio stations, section of the music store, and video channels.

2) You are going to “have …new…arrangements…”? So now “Let’s Hear it for the Boy” is going to be an R&B inspired tune sung by Rhianna or some other no talent Shakira type? Deniece Williams might not be dead but is surely rolling over in her grave.

Kevin Bacon was asked about his thoughts on this new project and basically said that it’s not a remake of the 1984 movie but rather a movie about the late 90’s Broadway show. Either way, it’s a disgrace and a big reason why I’m so picky about the movies I drop $10+ on in the theaters.

So again I task you the readers with a to-do-list.

#1) Do NOT go to see this movie. If you even overhear two people talking in the street about going to see this movie, beat them senseless.

#2) Please get in contact with Mr. Brad Grey, Paramount Pictures CEO (5555 Melrose Ave, Hollywood, CA 90038.) You can also call him at 323-956-5000 or e-mail at: Brad.Grey@paramountstudios.com (e-mail may bounce).

By the way, Zac Efron has a Bacon number of 2:
Zac Efron was in Hairspray (2007) with Queen Latifah
Queen Latifah was in Beauty Shop (2005) with Kevin Bacon

Thanks for your time and have a Happy New Year!