Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The MTV Way to Brain Loss

How do I get those brain cells back? Seriously!! Against my better judgment and all the voices both inside and outside my head I switched away from a rather low-scoring Fiesta Bowl to a low-cut shirt wearing episode of Jersey Shore.

If you haven’t had the dis-pleasure of watching this waste of not casting Pauly Shore, you can read all the details here. I had never seen an episode before and maybe that piqued my interest. Or maybe it was Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi’s gigantic hooters but either way I watched 8 super spoiled Guidos get into two bar fights, eat steak and lobster, and somehow afford to live in a Seaside Heights beach house with earnings made “working” in a boardwalk t-shirt shop. Overall I estimate (with what’s left of my grey matter) that I lost 5% of my total brain cells. That’s more then if I huffed an entire can of gold spray paint and chased it with some whipits.

Normally I would keep the shame silent but it’s affected so much more of my life. Today, I woke up 1.25 hours late and missed my morning run. That cause me to get to the train station about 10 minutes later then normal. Then the train was delayed 15 minutes more when another train broke down in front of it (maybe that train operator also caught the episode last night). On a quick side note, that was the 2nd day in a row that I was delayed by a broken train. Then I got to work and not a drop of coffee was made. So as I ‘m filling up the coffee pot I look in the mirror and realize that I forgot to put product in my hair. So now I’m late, not caffeinated, and look like an escaped mental patient. And now I have to waste my valuable “emergency” supply of gel that I keep in my desk.

So for my crappy morning and anything else that happens to me or anybody else in the world (except for Britt Hume), I lay the blame equally on “The Situation’s” abs and “Snooki’s” boobs. Both are ample enough to handle the load.

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