Did you hear about the new program by the Drug Enforcement Agency. They are really in over their heads. Nobody seems to know what is being said on the wire taps so they’re looking for people to help out.
They have plenty of people who speak Spanish, French (all that Canadian coke coming across the border), Chinese, etc. It seems they are missing a key group of language speakers, Blacks. Yep...you read that correct.
The DEA is looking for Ebonics Translators. When I heard this I was so excited when my coworkers told me. Immediately I thought of the scene from Airplane, “Excuse me stewardess, I speak Jive.” Then I also thought about the Big L song “Ebonics” where he breaks down the slang in rap music. Basically the Government could save a ton of money and just have all their analysts take a listen to the song and they’d be set. However I was a bit disappointed that I had been scooped by the folks over at SB Nation. Heck they even found a YouTube version of the song with the lyrics written out. Well my hats off to you gentlemen. Great minds think alike. But never one to be outdone, I direct your attention to this post over at WuTang Corporation for an even more complete version of how to talk the talk.
But if all this is still a little overwhelming for you, just give me a call. I’d be glad to come in there and provide the “white” translation.
Today, ESPN reports that Notre Dame University and NBC Television have announced a change in NBC’s coverage of Notre Dame football. Unfortunately we still have to endure four hours of gold helmets going nowhere (sometimes backwards) but at least we can do it with shorter commercial breaks. Yep. New head coach, Brian Kelly has brought his “spread” offense over from his last job at University of Cincinatti and frankly he’s worried about viewers missing some of the action. Actually he’s really more worried about his players having to sit around in a TV time out during commercial breaks.
Really? Is that what you’re concerned with? Perhaps we might want to focus on winning games, or start small by moving the football forward on offense. After five years under Charlie Weiss they barely managed to pull a 500 record from their ass (35-27 to be exact). Perhaps we could focus on the whole point of college and make sure our players graduate with degrees (actually on this one they are always in the top 5 schools nationwide with over 90% of their players finishing with a degree).
So today we’ve learned that you only need to listen to rap music to figure out what’s being said on wiretaps and Notre Dame should just go play football and focus on winning now and again. Let the networks worry about the commercials. They are paying your salary. You dig?