Thursday, February 9, 2012

Keep Your Vomit To Yourself

I'm trying to enjoy my new scent and I don't need you screwing it up with your vile liquid and chunks that...did you eat licorice recently? Well whatever it is, do it in the other direction. Besides, I just spent a lot of money on my new fragrance, New York Yankees.

Oh yes, I did say that. The Yankees have packaged the essence of their team into a small glass bottle, and now I too can smell like my heroes. Nothing turns on the sewer rats, err women, like sweat, dirty jocks, and the stench that comes from having the biggest payroll, the best players and still failing to even get to the World Series. Now if that doesn't bear the socks off of Old Spice, I don't know what does!

So the Yankees marketing gurus sat down at a meeting (I could only assume that George Costanza wad present) to discuss new revenue streams. One executive says, "well we could market be jerseys. We already have them for dogs, what about for cats, or birds?" Another says, "what if we charged fans for keeping foul balls the catch?" That's when perfume boy steps up and says, "what if we had all the players take a wad of chew and they all spit into one bottle? We could make millions!"

It had to go something like that because the only other way I see this hair brained idea coming to fruition is a bottle of Jack, a whole load of blow and a few East Asian hookers. And who wants to think like that.

What's worst then bringing a bad product to market is people bring this piece of trash and dousing themselves in it. What's you goal (other then to nauseate those around you? Are you trying to get the players to notice you when you are at the game? This stuff is powerful bit it'd not enough to dampen the smell of pot from the bleachers. So why are you wearing it? The team does not run out and buy Eau de Vinny or Drakar Jamal. Don't worry ladies. The team is thinking of you get (and I kid you not) "New York Yankees for Her".

The Jerk Store called. They are running out of you.

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