Tuesday, November 27, 2012

My Daddy Is A Rockstar

Well not my Dad but my son's dad sure is. I know for sure because his t-shirt says so. According to his pajamas he is also "My Rookie of the Year" and his other pair say he's cuteness came from his Mommy.

I have to say that besides being absolutely true (yes, he is cute and may be a rookie of the year in his chosen profession one day), it sure does make his parents feel good about themselves. And that right there is the hook.

It seems that designers of infant and toddler clothes have figured out how to tap into our subconciousness to get us to spend even more then we already do to not only make sure our kids are in style but also so that the world knows how good looking we are or that my music prowess is second to none.

If you don't believe me just go to a store like Gymboree. They have shirts that I can purchase for my kid that says that "My Daddy is the Coolest". It says nothing about my offspring but it does make me feel better about myself and anybody that sees us together will know that Fonzy has nothing on me.

But think about it another way, would you ever go into the Gap or Old Navy and buy a shirt for yourself that says, "I'm the Coolest" or "I'm a Rockstar"?  Excluding the douche-waffles who spend their days trying to figure out the perfect angle to tilt their hat that just answered "yes", most of you who self-identify as SANE would never even think of purchasing an item like that unless it was part of a Halloween costume.

So because we have to appear to society as normal, we impart our desire for complements onto our children's garments. Ok fine, I can live with that...even if it flies in the face of my previous criticism of athletes not wearing our face on their t-shirts. Lets take it a step farther. How about if in the next Presidential election the candidates have to wear ties that have their slogans printed across them?  Romney would have worn one that said, "White and Proud"...I mean "White and The Other Guy Isn't".  Did I just say that....oh well.

Getting back to the topic, how long can we keep exploiting our children to stoke our own egos? At what age do either they start reading and understand they are nothing more then a walking billboard for their parent's looks/sports ability/coolness factor or do clothing manufacturers have market research showing that kids just rebel from wearing anything emblazoned with "Dad Must Work for UPS because he has a Huge Package"? (BTW: the UPS truck just pulled up to my house!!)

Unfortunately I don't have an answer to that question but what I do have is an excellent test subject whom my wife and I may good money to feed, put a roof over his head, and of course clothe. To that end I am currently accepting proposals from clothing companies to test these theories. Please submit your proposal to provide shirts/pants/hats/etc for my child complete with slogans telling the world how cool/awesome/good looking we are for the next ten years by the end of this year. Starting January 1st, they will be evaluated by a panel of experts (Mrs. Bloggerman and Myself) and the winning company will be contacted regarding the awarded contract.

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