Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Snow, Sidewalks, and Spanish Fro-Yo

I apologize for my extended absence but clearly I was snowed in. It would of course help if more people read this crappy space to even notice I was gone for a while. Thanks a lot for nothing! Here I go trying to keep you entertained and not one person noticed I was gone. You people suck!

Onto things that caught my fancy post-"snowpocolypse":

True-to-life License Plates
There are thousands of times driving behind the guy in the '91 Ford Festiva traveling a brisk 35 in the far left lane and all I could think about was that his license plates should read "lead foot" or something of the sort. But driving the beltway yesterday I finally had a "truth in advertising" moment. In the lane next to me is this ginormous green hummer. The kind of car where the driver doesn't have to give you the finger to let you know how they really feel about you. Well damn it all to hell if this guy isn't sporting plates that read "GREN THS" How awesome is that!

Clearing the Sidewalks
If you own your house or a business you are keenly aware of the potential for lawsuits if you don’t get them cleared. In most cases you have to get the cold stuff out of there within 24 hours after the end of the storm. That doesn’t have anything to do with the actual local government taking responsibility for clearing off the sidewalks they own does it? The answer, NO! That is why 1) my knees are all twisted from running in the frozen footprints of previous snowbound pedestrians on the Duke Ellington Bridge and 2) why I had to give up and just run in the street, in the dark, with cars baring down on me. Thanks Mayor Fenty. Perhaps you can get off your nice warm treadmill and try training outside where the rest of us run and I bet those walkways would be cleared off in a heartbeat! If I see you at the Nations...I’m gonna trip you...just a heads up!

Spanish Frozen Yogurt
Evidently we as American’s didn’t corner the fro-yo market like we thought. Sure every hipster dofus and party chick think that the tart yogurt is the latest and greatest thing since sliced bread (sliced bread isn’t that great by the way!). So it looks like the Spanish have picked up on this idea. After twisting my knee in several locations (see above) I passed a store front for “De Froyo”. Now the store was closed, not surprising as it was 615am, so I didn’t get a first hand look at the product but I can only deduce that it was somehow flavored with olive oil, paella, or other Spanish type stuff. Either way I’ll stick with Carvel soft serve and keep it safe.

Back tomorrow with more holiday related horrors. Peace out B#@$#ches!

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