Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Bowling The Way It Outta Be.

Twenty pink pins, ten tight skirts and two occupied lanes. IF it's March, it must be women's college bowling season. Forget your brackets and dreams of a rookie pitcher making the big leagues. There is nothing like Alabama A&M vs. the ladies of Prairie View State. The drama, the tension, the rivalry!

My Nook's library includes "Those Guys Have All the Fun", the 700 page volume on the history of ESPN. Back before 24 hours of Sports Center and Stuart Scott trying to sound slightly relevant the 4-Letter used to fill their programming hours with obscure college sports. This was a little before my formidable years so I am going to take their words for it since I don't have eyeball proof. But after watching ESPNU's coverage of the SWAC Women's Bowling Championship the other night, I have a good handle on what a typical programming block may have looked like.

Let me pause here to assure you I am not railing against bowling, women's sports, or the schools involved. Today's rant is purely about the absurdity of what I saw on tv the other night. In fact I happen to enjoy bowling, sports, and women. (I have no strong feelings about the schools involved).

I'm trying to reconcile these things:

1) Did ESPN run out of games (live or recorded), movies, infomercials, and Football Follies to air when they landed on this gem? I know that we are in between rounds of the Men's tournament, but the women are playing and what about airing some classic games from years past? I'd like to see Santa Clara from the early 90s with Steve Nash or Duke vs. Kentucky with Hill to Laettner. Hell even a good Vince Offer  infomercial would have provided more excitement.

2) How is bowling (men or women) a college sport? Do you get a scholarship for this? Are there big-time recruiting wars for the top bowlers? Do high school bowlers have signing day press conferences where they coyly reach for the hat from Tech but then grab the State hat and slam it on with a smile on? Anything I can do while drunk is not a sport. Just remember that. Again I need to remind you that I'm not against women's sports. These girls hit 150 in the 7th frame I hit it in the15th frame (if I'm lucky). They would whip my ass no doubt but then again I'm not trying for a scholarship...I go bowling for the beer and the second hand smoke.

3) The SWAC (Southwestern Athletic Conference)? Really? The last time I heard of the SWAC, SMU was on a football death penalty, Texas Tech was led by Billy Jo Toliver at QB. I didn't think it even existed anymore. Low and behold...it's still alive and kicking. Yeah for college athletics!

These are valuable questions. Democrats blame Republicans, Republicans blame Women, and Women...well they bowl. But is this the downfall of our society or is it white bread?  I report, I decide. You should just be happy you get to hear me.

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