Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Cubical Answers to Your Stupid Questions

Excuse Me, Do you know were Jim is? Do you know where my project is? Do you know how much for that dog in the window (the one with the waging tail)?

NO. No I don’t now get the $#%@#% out of here before I go postal and stick a stamp to the top of your head and try to seal you in a 10” envelope. Or I can go the Obama way and shoot you while praying to the big Guy upstairs (not you Big Tony) about my depressed job situation.

Too many of us cubical-based life forms have to deal with this kind of distraction day in and day out. Well now thanks to the Unknown Artist, we have an answer. Simply print out below the dotted line and post in a conspicuous location in and around your area. When the next dill-weed stops by and asks a stupid question, take your yard stick (we should all have one just in case an inter-office beat down arises) and point to your new sign. That should do the trick:

GREETINGS: If you are here looking for something or someone, I am happy to assist you with this list of answers, to any one of virtually all your questions:

1. He or she is teleworking today, as the sign on their desk already told you.

2. He or she is on their "AWS off day," as their voice mail might have told you.

3. If it is early in the day, he or she probably isn't here yet. Leave a message.

4. If it is the middle of the day, he or she probably went to lunch. Leave a message.

5. If it is late in the day, he or she probably went home. (You knew that would happen eventually, right?)

6. If he or she has a job completed for you, and you are here to pick the job up, turn around, and look beneath the sign that says "Job Pickup." If it is not there, it is probably at their desk.

7. If he or she has a job completed for you, and you cannot find it at their desk, they did not give it to me. Leave a message.

8. If you need to see our Director, he is in his office, the one you deliberately walked past when you entered.

9. If you need to see our Director, and he is not in his office, please take a seat in his office, and I will see if he is here. If he is not here, you are not expected to take a seat in his office. Leave a message.

10. I am not in charge of this division. I am only in charge of myself. No one in this division is required to tell me their comings or goings.

Now, having exhausted the above possibilities, is there anything I can do to help you???

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