You Aren’t as Important as You Think

Dear Intern in Washington for the Summer:

You are not as important as you think. Just because you wear a suit (either male or female) you are not as important as you think. First off it’s simply a dress code. That’s the same reason I’m wearing jeans and sneakers today. My workplace says I can wear that today. Your’s says a suit. Fine. But you are not as important as you think. Furthermore, take your time, get your gay friend’s help and Daddy’s credit card and buy a good suit and pair of shoes. A pair of khakis that have cuffs dragging on the ground and getting caught on your docksiders don’t look good with your $20 navy blazer with the fake gold buttons. Actually, even if the buttons were really made of gold, it still wouldn’t work (but you did probably get Daddy’s credit card since gold is like a bazillion dollars an ounce today). You are still not as important as you think.

You are not as important as you think. Just because you have an ID that allows you LIMITED access to the White House or the US Capitol Building you are still a peon. I once had access to the Capitol and have even been to the White House before, but it doesn’t make me any cooler then you (there are a lot of things that do elevate me over you but that’s not one of them). Stop wearing your ID out on your person when you leave the building. Guys, tuck it into your shirt pocket, Ladies, take it and put it in your purse. It’s just an ID with your picture on it…not an autograph from Bono or the Pope. Hell it’s not even an autograph from a great ape in Spain! You are not as important as you think.

You are not as important as you think. You do not need to roam the streets and local restaurants in packs of no less then 15. Many people in this city feel comfortable with who they are to walk in groups of three; or two; or even by themselves as a group of one. I’m waiting to see a teacher or tour guide chaperoning you, walking with a brightly colored sign or umbrella to keep you together in a group. There are other people who actually need to get to work and don’t have time to move to the other side of the street to get by or wait an extra 30 minutes while you make up which of two sandwiches you are ordering at Cosi. You are not as important as you think.

You are not as important as you think. I am more important than you and NOBODY cares about me. Nobody Likes a Jerk either. I wear a suit when I need to and only when I need to. I wear my ID inside my shirt except to show to the guards at my building, and I go in to get lunch knowing what the hell I want to eat. Do me a favor, go home, spend your summers working at McDonalds or the Deli (go Lloyd) and chill at the pool in the afternoon. Or you can go dipping. Either way…just GO! You are not as important as you think.