You Can’t Mail That....This is America

And dang it, you just can’t mail alcohol. As I tried to explain to the postal employee yesterday, it wasn’t alcohol but rather a pair of handlebars that I was returning to the company that mistakenly sent them to me. To which he explained to me that it has nothing to do what’s inside of the box, you can’t send a box with Alcohol on the printing. What? Why the hell not? If the box is secured properly and there is nothing prohibited inside of it (I would have cut open the tape if asked), then what seems to be the problem.

Well after 30 minutes of digging through the US Postal Service Website the answer appears to be the following in their Domestic Mail Manual (DMM 100):

8.1 Nonmailable Matter—General
Certain potentially undesirable, harmful, or dangerous matter is nonmailable by statute or regulation. The standards for nonmailable articles and substances and the special conditions under which certain of these articles and substances may be mailed are in 8.0 through 10.0 and 11.0. The standards in 12.0, Written, Printed, and Graphic Matter Generally, 508.8.0, Pandering Advertisements, and 508.9.0, Sexually Oriented Advertisements, apply to nonmailable matter in written, printed, or graphic form and contain the rules on advising mailers of matter covered in 8.0 through 12.0, 508.8.0, and 508.9.0. The standards in 8.0 through 10.0 and 11.0 apply to the military postal system, its employees, and undelivered mail that is or has been in the official custody of this system and its employees. References to Inspection Service apply to the Postal Inspection Service and authorize

This goes under the stuff that is so small on the grand scheme of things in life that it really shouldn’t matter. However this is MY life and pondering the little things like this is what gets me through my day. So with that in mind here goes:

I understand the sexually orientated advertisements portion of this restriction. Nobody (well almost nobody) wants to get a box from an E-bay vendor with a very noticeable advertisement for a penis pump on the side (even if said box contains said pump)...but we’re not talking about that in this instance. Here we are talking about handlebars in a box for Vodka (Orange Stoli to be exact). Is the USPS concerned that by accepting this package those postal employees might be driven to drink (vs. all the other blatant ads out there for booze)? Or are they concerned that the company who was going to receive the package might be tempted to run out and hit the hooch to hard? It’s tough to say but I can for sure tell you that while you can’t use an alcohol themed box, you can still send firearms through the mail. Guns are ok...just not booze. This is the kind of stuff our kids should be learning about in school and not all that math and reading crap. This is the kind of thing that would really get them prepared for the minimum-wage earning, no healthcare provided, my truck just got repossessed, real world they are going to embark into upon graduation (if they make it that far).

Not a thought, just a sermon.