Friday, July 11, 2008

Arkansas Cage Fighting and The Cookies Came That Way

Two more must share articles because a) it’s Friday and b) its free Slurpee day at 7-11.

In the first article, our friend Borat, aka Sasha Baron Cohen is back at his old tricks, this time arranging for a cage fight (mixed martial arts) down in Arkansas. The crowd was filled to the brim with red necks drinking dollar beers but they didn’t get a cage fight. Well what did they get? If you follow the story here....They got their money’s worth alright but not quite what they were anticipating. It turns out that Cohen and an audience plant whom he pulled into the ring stripped down to their skives and started kissing. My favorite part of this story is not that the local yokels were so upset they started throwing their cups of beer (a cop on the scene actually said, “They had beers in plastic cups. Those things can get some distance on them, actually.”) but rather the fact that the performance “bordered on violating the town’s morality laws.” Um...I don’t want to know why it “bordered” on violation, but rather why are their morality laws in the first place? Isn’t that the job of the parents, preachers, and bartenders? They should be the ones who are giving us our morality, not the government (with the Christian church pulling the strings). Leave it to a Jew to show these hicks for what they are. Now are you sure you want your next president to be a “common man”? I want him to be so elite that these goobers make him sick and he tries to change them. That’s the kind of leadership we need in this country and I’m just the guy to do it (or at least complain about it).

Speaking of getting ahead in the world, or the lack of quality schooling in this country. I present to you the story of Christian Philips, 18, of Watuga County, TX. Mr. Philips was recently arrested and detained for 72 hours after a plate of cookies he brought to a police station as part of a community service requirement was found to be laced with drugs. Well upon further inspection the story (here) goes on to say that the tests turned out to be negative and Mr. Philips was released from jail and charges were dropped. But as the saying goes, “in every lie, there’s an ounce of truth.” Let’s take a look at this under the microscope. Turns out that Mr. Philips was performing community service on behalf of Mothers Against Drunk Driving because he was required by a court of law after a 2007 arrest and conviction (presumably for drunk driving or other alcohol-related offense). When asked by investigators about the cookies, he said “ friends may have been smoking marijuana in the room while I was baking.” In other words, while he was baking, they were baking. Next time, let your friends eat the cookies and on the way to the police station run by Wal-Mart and just buy some from the box!

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