You Want to Bomb Iran? How Much Money You Got?

The best things in this world generally happen to the best people. Those that go out and commit random acts of kindness are usually rewarded (at some point down the road) for their selflessness. For me that means giving blood every few weeks and my reward is a bag of Famous Amos Chocolate Chip Cookies and a regular Coke.

But now thanks to a frequent contributor to this site who we shall call “Mave Dakerman” you can now learn about the antics of one Gabriel Nathan Schwartz, 29, of Denver who not only wants to make bold statements about American foreign policy but had the money to back it up. That is until he attended the recently concluded GOP national convention in St. Paul, MN.

The background of the story can be found in this article from the website twincities.com.

The jist of it is that this guy Schwartz was a delegate to the GOP convention representing Colorado. After a night at the convention center hearing the speeches he meets a woman (read Hooker) and agrees to go back to his room with her. She mixes up some drinks and the next thing he remembers is that it’s now morning and all his money, jewelry, and clothes are gone. Sum total of the losses (approx $120k)!

Um, Mr. Schwartz, I have two questions: 1) did you not realize she was a hooker when she so readily agreed to go back to your room? 2) what the hell are you doing with that much money and a “$1500 cell phone”??? Was the phone gold plated? Did it also cook your breakfast in the morning? Geeze, even the high end blackberry/palm/iPhones are only pushing a few hundred dollars. What kind of cellular plan are you on?

This couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy either, who earlier in the convention was quoted as saying in an interview, “"Hopefully, just bomb the hell out of them [Iran]from the sky” and when asked about protesters, he said “"Get a job.” Uh-yeah, nice guy.

The long and short of this story is that it couldn’t have happen to a nicer guy (on the account that Bush and Chaney weren’t in town that week). You have to be a complete dope to think that some girl who you just met in the bar wants to go back to your room with you. The only way this story could have been any better is if she stole your kidney and you woke up in a bathtub full of ice.