Monday, May 4, 2009

Cinco de This!

Close the borders! Don’t let the Mexican’s in. They’re stealing American jobs (somehow I don’t remember a line of “Americans” standing out in front of the 7-11 or Home Depot trying to jump into every car that stops, looking for work).

No wait, open the borders, we need free trade. We need to get our cars and clothes for less money and the Mexican factories can do this. We need to be good neighbors and show our brothers to the south how to be a model government.

No wait. Close the borders again, they’re brining in that N1M1 Flu (can’t call it swine anymore). We have to block them all from coming in or we’ll all die! Won’t somebody think of the children!?

No on (third) second thought, let them back in...after all tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo and we all need to get loaded on beer so cheap and watered down that no self respecting Mexican would drink it (Corona). I mean if the borders are closed and we’re all wearing masks how are we going to the hell is it that we celebrate on Cinco de Mayo?

Oh yeah, Mexican Independence Day....gee here I was thinking it was just another excuse to borrow a nationality for the day and get loaded like St. Patrick’s Day or Groundhog Day.

For those of you who actually care, according to our friends over at Wikipedia: “The holiday commemorates the Mexican army's unlikely defeat of French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, under the leadership of Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín.” Of course in this county we just get loaded at the local Irish bar which becomes Juan de O’Malley’s for the day. Yeah, Authentic!

This brings me to my point. Why can’t we just get loaded on American holidays like Memorial Day, July 4th, and Free Ben and Jerry’s Scoop Day? Why do we have to constantly borrow other cultures to get drunk? But if you can’t resist why don’t more people borrow from my Jewish brothers and sisters, the holiday of Purim (Feb 28, 2010). The ENTIRE point of the observance is to get so drunk that you don’t know the difference between good and evil.

While this sounds like a typical Saturday night out for some, I think we can finally come together as a nation if we just admit that we’re a bunch of alcoholics and move on to solving the economic crisis.

Not a thought but rather a sermon.

No comments: