Thursday, October 15, 2009

Lashes and Beer

Here we are again. Two things that seemingly don’t have anything to do with each other except for 1) the hot chick at the end of the bar who may actually be a guy but looks really good after you’ve pounded down ten or twelve miller lites and 2) topics for today’s post. So let’s get into it.

Brooke Shields is pimping her latest line of crap that will make you go crazy (or at least lengthen your lashes). The product, Latisse, says that it will lengthen your lashes with only minor side effects. You may experience some eye redness or itchiness. Ok I can deal with that. You may also get a headache. Eh...not so bad. Evidently these side effects are all temporary. Good thing I can recover if I want longer lashes. Oh wait...there’s one more side “effect”, you’re eyeballs may turn brown and evidently that’s permanent. Wha..wha...what? Seriously! Use this product and you may permanently tint your eyes? I think I’ll try mascara....but thanks anyway science.

Now that your lashes are longer and your eyeballs are brown lets talk some beer. Or better yet, lets talk about what’s in a name. If you are Matt and Renee Nadeau of Morrisville, Vermont clearly you picked the wrong name for your microbrew. “Vermonster”? Are you kidding me? What a stupid name for a beer! Actually who cares. If the beer tastes good (and you forget your brown eyeballs) then who the hell cares? Well clearly the Hansen Beverage company of Corona, California. Hansen, who makes Monster brand energy drinks filed a trademark dispute over the similarity of the two beverages.

To be exact, according to the AP article (here): “The dispute began last month, when a lawyer for Hansen Beverage sent an e-mail message to Nadeau's attorneys saying the brewer would "undoubtedly create a likelihood of confusion and/or dilute" Hansen's trademark.”

Um....did I miss something? I might have been drunk many times before and on more then one occasion accidentally mistake rubbing alcohol or gasoline for my beer but I don’t ever remember grabbing for my suds and ending up with a can of liquid sugar and caffeine. Evidently Hansen plans to go into the alcohol market and is trying to protect it’s brand.

Really? So now that you’ve hooked teenage boys (really who else is drinking this sludge) on your liquid crack, you’re now going to encourage them to drink underage by putting your brand on beer? Does this at all remind anybody else of the whole using Joe Camel to market cigarettes to little kids? Yep. Me too. Let’s do like they’re planning in Seattle and boycott Monster (if you’ve even started to drink it)

Hansen Beverage company, I have a solution to this. Have a few Vermonsters put some Latisse on your lashes and take a deep breath. Remember....Nobody Likes a Jerk!

1 comment:

Ework 411 said...

Why do these celebrities believe that anyone cares what brands of garbage they append their names to? I have an even worse one for you, and she is not even a real celebrity. Check this out (eyeroll):