Feel the burn, it’s a good burn a sweat induced burn from lifting weights spinning up and down hills, hell, even sweating to the oldies. It’s the kind of burn that can only be cooled off with a shower and a nice cool breeze on your way to work.
I had one of those burns going on today and I took my shower and as I stood at the locker room sink admiring my chiseled good looks and calm, composed demeanor, I looked over and saw you. You’re a pretty boy and you know it. Good for you...if you have it flaunt it. And then...then it went terribly...neigh horribly wrong!
While I was busy shaving away my whiskers, you were applying...what is that....eye cream?? Seriously? You’re younger then me and you’re worried about bags under your eyes. What are you my mother? (just kidding Mom...Love you!)
If that wasn’t bad enough you broke out the face cream. Look here pal, we all use something after a shave, and whether it’s Old Spice or just a cooling cream we all do it. But we do it AFTER the shave. And you put this stuff over your entire face. Wait a minute....that’s moisturizer. What kind of girlie-man are you?
To top it all off, as you walked away I noticed that you hadn’t even shaved, yet you were dressed and on your way out of the locker room. So you went to all that trouble to make yourself look good (with a wedding ring on your finger) but you didn’t shave?? Hollywood is a bad role model kid...they look like douche bags because they are douche bags. That’s why they’re in Hollywood and you’re in the locker room at a gym in DC.
When you other testicle drops and you become a real man let me know. And at that time we shall celebrate in a way that is only fitting for the time a boy becomes a man....at the nudie bar.