Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Don't Eat Those Cookies!

They’ll make you fruity. You know light in the loafers. Or they may make you run out and get an abortion. I don’t care if you’re a guy. If you eat all those Thin Mints (you won’t be thin any more) and you may have the urge to join a radical left organization, like the Sierra Club.

Sound crazy? Consider the source, Indiana State Rep. Bob Morris. This is a man who looks just a few pounds away from going Pvt. Leonard 'Gomer Pyle' Lawrence on us. This is my rifle, this is my Samosa, this is for shooting, and this is for fun.

This (excuse the pun) Gomer Pyle-looking A hole actually sent a letter to members of the Republican Caucus and said “many parents were ‘abandoning the Girl Scouts because they promote homosexual lifestyles.’"

Huh? We are talking about those girls in the brown and green uniforms who sell cookies, and earn merit badges right? Just checking. And you are aware that this isn’t the Catholic church right? You know with the pedophiles and the alter boys and stuff.

A lesser man would just shake his head and walk away. Fortunately for you, I am not a lesser man. Well I am but I will still stir up the pot on this goober.

Morris was lobbing lawmakers to oppose a nonbinding resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts. He was the only member not to sign the measure. That’s 99-1 in favor of honoring these cookie whores for those of you keeping score at home. I’d hate to see what happens if the legislature tries to adopt John Melencamp as the official state musician. He’d probably claim that Cougar’s music encourages illegal aliens to move to the Hoosier state.

According to the article, after doing what he called a "small amount" of research on the Internet, Morris said, he and his wife concluded the Girl Scouts have become a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood and are part of an agenda that includes "sexualizing" young girls.

I’m glad that his wife took part in this investigation. I mean of course she must have her PhD in investigative forensics (yet another reason you won’t see CSI-Bloomington on CBS anytime soon). This is the part where I suggest they go back to the drawing board and try this again.

We shouldn’t be surprised. This guy is about a Acme Brand Rocket Pack from falling off the far right end of the political scale. But don’t worry too much, he did mention in a recent press release “I will continue to show up and represent my constituents at the Statehouse.” Good to know. I’m assuming that we won’t find any Tagalongs sewn into the lining of his jacket.

The Scouts and Planned Parenthood have dismissed Rep. Bob Morris’ comments as absurd, as did Republican House Speaker Brian Bosma. The Speaker even passed out 278 cases of thin mints, he bought from area girl scouts in the hours after this story broke, to lawmaker of both parties and guests of the legislature on Tuesday. Now that’s a classic NBLJ move!

No comments: