Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Eating a Sugar Daddy

Yeah you heard me. This had become a literal sticking point in the NBLJ office (the professional office where I write this unprofessional piece of crap). We're talking loosened crowns and fillings, chipped teeth, and other assorted dental injuries.

Today is Valentine's Day and there is a lot of candy flying around the place. This is clearly serious business! But why? We were all kids once. I don't know about you but I always liked getting a few sugar daddies in my trick-or-treat bag. Sure they weren't as good as king size snickers but certainly rank higher than that popcorn ball or the box of raisins.

Here's the rub, we've forgotten how to eat them. I'm not sure how this proof of evaluation occurred but I suspect it had something to do with the influx of the combination of splenda and whole grain quinoa into on regular diets. We have also eliminated our daily ration of jawbreakers. This has lead to us forgetting that you can't just put something into your account mouth and chomp down on it.

There are still treats out there that need to be savored, not rushed. When you don't head this warning, bad stuff happens. In the case of our high-fructose corn syrup based candy wrapped in a yellow and red coat, the result can be painful.

So let's talk about proper form. First, do not freeze a Sugar Daddy!. This works with chocolates and peppermint patties only. They are already hard, don't make it more difficult. Second, unwrap and save the paper. You may want to take a break part way through and you'll need somewhere to lay it down. Third, DO NOT BITE DOWN! I can't stress this part enough. 99% of dental injuries suffered when eating candy occur because some schmuck decided to try chewing a giant piece of hard, solid sugar and corn syrup.The best course of action is to suck on the pop, much the same way as a lollypop (get your minds up here people). This might take a long time (1-4 hours depending on the size of the original item) but it is well worth it. Not only can you stretch out a $.50 piece of candy but think of the extra calories that you'll burn in the process. Any time you can eat candy and loose weight is a win-win in my book.

Bottom line, please check with your dental professional before beginning any candy eating regimen. NBLJ is not responsible for any teeth you loose nor will this site work in conjunction with the tooth fairy to provide you monetary compensation for lost bridges, crowns or fillings.