Tuesday, February 7, 2012

I Don't Know How Super It Was (part 1 of 2)

Taking the easy route is the American way and more importantly its the official way of Nobody Likes A Jerk. So let's take the easy way to a two-day posting and talk about the Super Bowl. Today we'll break down the pregame, postgame and the game itself then we'll burrow  into Madonna's legs to get a close up view at the halftime show. Tomorrow we'll analyze the commercials and I'll tell you what was funny, what missed the mark, and what should get an executive thrown in jail.

This was the first time in a while NBC had the game and they did some interesting things with the pregame. The first thing I noticed that at 530pm there was nothing else on any other sports channels. I don't know if this is SOP for the Super Bowl but I thought that ESPN or the NFL Network would have some sort of coverage right up until kickoff. Then again this was the first year where I watched exactly zero hours of day of coverage until 540pm. Secondly I recognized the programing to be a lite too understated. Granted it wasn't as over the top as Cletus the Fox Sports Robot so that's a plus, but it was not as exciting as a funeral either. Bonus points for Bob Costa doing the big interviews. He's very good without trying to be the player's best friend.

Before getting to the game, is The Voice on next? I wasn't sure.

I am going to say this again and again until the lemmings understand, God Bless America and America the Beautiful are NOT the national anthem. There is no reason to play those songs at sporting events. We might as well stand up and remove our hats and sing Coming to America (love the Neil Diamond ref.). The only possible side dish to the Star Spangled Banner is the Pledge of Allegiance. So now that we've established that, why does the female (who I've never heard of) need a pic bedazzled microphone? Does the standard black one not bring out her cheeks? This is where the producer comes in and says NO! Clarkson did a fine job with the Anthem and the kids choir was a nice touch.

First half if the game was a great background for dinner to be served. Other then the safety and the Pats last drive, there wasn't too much excitement. I do want to point out that a guy won $50 grand on that safety. Good for him, he can now buy a bigger pair of pants so he can fit that giant set of balls he's swinging for dropping $1k on the net in the first place!

On to the fun, halftime. Before we look under Madonna's hood, let me issue another publication service announcement to the fans in the upper deck. Stop trying to take pictures with your phone's camera flash. It doesn't work when your subject is 10 feet from you, what makes you think that it'll work when your subject is 300 feet away? Don't make me come up there and slap the phone out your hands!

With the exception of People Magazine reading, cat-hoarders, Madonna is way past her prime and some of those moves were never sexy to begin with. I understand the balancing act trying to get safe, family friendly (no exposed boobies) acts but still remain relevant. The problem is that Madonna doesn't fit any of those groups, but to get credit, she did keep her clothes on the entire show. Unfortunately she couldn't keep her lip synching on time. Look, we all know you aren't going to sing while dancing in high heel boots, so why even bother with the microphone?

 I don't think I can offer a critique better then my favorite LOST blogger Jen Chaney over at The Washington Post. She hits on most of my thoughts. I will share this thought, Bruce Springsteen is even older then The Material Girl yet he sings on stage, plays an instrument and still dances around like he was 20. Plus I'd point out that he didn't need guests stars to out sing him on stage. Finally, what does Like a Prayer have to do with "world peace"? I don't think the Iranians or Syrians were watching, but maybe the Canadians and the Greenlandians can settle their bloody disputes.

Is the Voice on next?

The second half of the game helped clear up the vomit in my mouth from having to watch halftime. Especially the last 4 minutes. What a few great drives and of course two hail marys! In the end the Pats lost which was the only acceptable outcome in my eyes. Eli and the Giants stepped up and exposed the Pats porous defense, and in the end (to quote Gizzy) "Tommy can't do everything." Nice.

The postgame (you did realize there was a postgame right?) was predictable and boring. Players all smiles and confetti falling. But there were two items that you may not have noticed. First, there were a lot of people on the field who didn't appear to be affiliated with the Giants. These didn't look like team staff or players' families. They looked more like, well, fans. They were waiting jerseys and hats and beads (only in New Orleans duchewaffles). What they were doing on the field isn't really clear but they were certainly closer to the podium than many of the players. Interesting. Secondly was the awarding of MVP Eli Manning with a corvette. He had already walked off the stage and Dan Patrick had to call him back to give him the keys. Why are we giving a quarterback who makes a bizzilan dollars a year a $60k car? Why not award a lucky fan the car and he can accept the keys on the Super Bowl podium?

OK that's it. Tomorrow we'll go through the commercials.Coming up next...the Voice?

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