Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Bad Cereal In = Bad Art Out

I do believe that would have been Newton's 23rd law of physics had he lived in an age of high fiber breakfast cereals (or cereal at all for that matter) and people willing to do anything for attention, including marking their bungholes. But let's start on the lighter note for now.

50% off almost anything is usually a good deal and many people who browse the aisles of their local mega-food-mart-fresh-store-market can spot these deals with the large tags hanging off the shelves. Sometimes it's the manufacturers offering a special and other times the stores themselves are dishing out the savings. But many people don't take the time to go to the back of the store and look at that clearance rack. At times it has day old donuts and cans of vegetables that are so dented you can almost literally see the salmonella growing inside of them. But every once and a while you get a heck of a deal. At least that's what we want to think. Enter your hero (that's me) stage right and we pull back to see him looking at this rack of second hand groceries. His eyes dart towards a red box that says, "Kashi" on the side.

"Humm...I need some cereal in the house...this stuff looks ok and it's 50% off!"

That's where the mistake begins. I should have read further where in the description they actually use the word "twigs" to describe one of the components. Twigs indeed. There was so much fiber in this box that I not only got my daily allowance, but so much extra that I had to start peeling my own husk back each evening. Yes, I said husk...yes, like corn. Come on and keep up.

For most of us when we eat too much fiber (or more then we're used to) our bodies react and our brains send a signal that it's time to grab the closest reading material and head for the little boys/girls room. But what if you just came back from the local tattoo parlor and your new ink had to stay protected for 24 hours until it dried. And let's just say for example, that your new ink was in a place that wasn't seen by many in the general public because you wore dassy dukes on a regular basis. Lets say for argument's sake that you decided, you know where I want to have somebody stick a needle and ink, my anus!

Unfortunatly we've devolved into the umpteenth circle of hell. I don't think we're ever going to pull society out of this spiral. When did we decide that Anal Tattoos were the new thing?  How come I wasn't consulted on this trend?  Are you lacking self respect that much that having a spiderweb/butterfly/Mike Tyson relief inked on to your reliever is the way to go?  Yet here's video proof that it's being done (warning...a bit of foul language here).

I couldn't even make this up. My head hurts. I'm going to lay down for a while.

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