Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Checks and The Yellow Book

Dear Old People:

Things need to change. Quickly. We respect your years on this early and value the experience that you can share with us. But we need to change some stuff and it must be done with the utmost immedecy.

Item #1: Writing Checks in the Supermarket. You may not be aware of this yet but in the last twenty or so years almost every market this side of Bulgaria has added a credit card scanner to allow for alternate (and quicker) forms of payment. Now I understand that you don't like to run up credit unless you have to, which is why the banks have created the "check card". This handy piece of plastic sits in your wallet and when you "swipe" it, the supermarket takes the appropriate amount of money out of your checking account. No paper to write, no checks to frank, and most importantly, I get to have the honor of spending my money faster because I'm not stuck in line behind you!

Item # 2: The Yellow Pages. You, old people, are the only reason this ancient form of business listing is still around. There is no bigger waste of paper than this (including the rental car industry). Why? You have to find the internet. The World Wide Web has all the listings you need. In fact if you really want to find the phone number for AAA Plumbing or AAAAA-AAAA-AA-A Pest Control, the company that puts out the Yellow Pages, actually has a website you can go to and look it up. Because of your inability to adapt (kind of like the dinosaurs) I now have to lug this behmoth into my house, toss it in the recycle bin and then chase all the bugs out of my house that got in because it's now night time due to the fact that I had to wait in line so long at the grocery store.

This will not be the last letter I send you so please make these changes quickly so that we can move on to new topics soon.

Sincerly,
NobodyLikesAJerk

1 comment:

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